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Essay #1 (6%):. “The Human Body Without Any Bones”. (Due on 07 Sep 2013). Include illustrations, diagrams, flow charts, references, or any other material you may want. Use your ingenuity. You may want to make it like a video game. Post under Assignment tab on Blackboard. Word limit: 2500.
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ewc
(EWC) / ENG
2
99
ExamiNatioN of WritiNG CompEtENCy
For more information about the EWC, please contact
the Writing Competency Coordinator, Remica L. Bingham
at 757-
8
23
–
29
30 or rlbingham@nsu.edu
Norfolk State University
700 Park Avenue | Norfolk, Virginia 2350
4
Phone: 757-823-8
6
00
www.nsu.edu
ExamiNatioN of WritiNG
CompEtENCy (EWC) / ENG 299
prEp paCKEt
taBLE of CoNtENtS
INFORMATION SHEET – – – –
1
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS (FAQs) – – – – 2
SCORING RUBRIC – – – – 5
ESSAY GUIDELINES – – – – 6
SAMPLE OUTLINES AND ESSAYS – – – – 9
WRITING TIPS – – – – 24
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES – – – – 29
WHat The Examination of Writing Competency (EWC) is a graduation requirement for all
undergraduate students. It is a 3-hour proctored Exam in which students write an essay that
responds to a question from a general category.
WHo All undergraduate students (Baccalaureate and Associate degrees), including transfer
and readmitted students, must take and pass the EWC. Students seeking a second under-
graduate degree must take and pass the EWC unless the first degree came from NSU and
the student has already taken and passed the EWC required at NSU. The EWC requirement
for graduation is in effect for all first-time freshmen who began taking classes in Fall Semester
2001 and thereafter and for transfer and readmitted students who began taking classes in Fall
2002 and thereafter. Students who do not pass the exam will be offered help with their writ-
ing, but they must retake and pass the exam in order to graduate.
WHEN Students should take the EWC as soon as they have completed their Freshman Com-
position courses (ENG
10
1 and ENG102); for most students, this will be their sophomore year.
Students must take the EWC before they complete 90 credit hours.
SUpportiNG StUDENtS tHroUGH DiSaBiLity SErViCES In accordance with Section
504 of the
19
73 Rehabilitation Act and the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) of 1990, if
a student has a disability or thinks they may have a disability, we ask that they please contact
the Supporting Students through Disability Services (SSDS) office which is located on the 2nd
Floor of the Lyman B. Brooks Library, Room 240. The contact person is Marian E. Shepherd,
the Disability Services Coordinator. She can be reached at (757) 823-
20
14
.
QUEStioNS If you have questions about the EWC, please call
Remica L. Bingham, the Writing Competency Coordinator, in
Institutional Effectiveness and Assessment at (757) 823-2930 or
e-mail her at rlbingham@nsu.edu
ExamiNatioN of WritiNG CompEtENCy
(EWC) / ENG299
1
frEQUENtLy aSKED QUEStioNS (faQs)
WHat iS tHE pUrpoSE of tHE EWC? /WHy Do i HaVE to taKE tHE Exam?
The Examination of Writing Competency meets the State Council of Higher Education’s
requirement for Virginia public colleges and universities to demonstrate student competen-
cies in specific subject categories. The exam is designed to ensure that students can write
competently when they enter their upper-level major courses. The benefits of an Exam of this
sort are as follows: it protects the reputation of the University for producing graduates who
can write competently in their professions and who will succeed as responsible employees,
citizens, and alumni, it benefits the University faculty by providing data/information for
curriculum improvement and faculty/professional development, and it benefits the University
students by providing continued opportunities for them to improve their writing and critical
thinking skills.
WHEN SHoULD i taKE tHE EWC?
Students should take the EWC as soon as they have completed their Freshman Composi-
tion courses (ENG101 and ENG102); for most students, this will be their sophomore year.
Students must take the EWC before they complete 90 hours.
iS tHErE a fEE for tHE EWC?
Currently, there is no fee for the exam.
2
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Typewritten Text
WHERE: Beginning in fall 2009, the EWC will be held on various dates
and times and in various locations on campus throughout the semester.
Detailed information about dates, times and locations will be publicized
via the Spartan E-Daily Campus Announcements at the beginning of each
term. Students must report to the Registrar’s Office to register for
the EWC at least one week prior to each administration of the exam.
Access_Mac_Mini
Typewritten Text
WHERE DO I REGISTER FOR THE EWC?
Students must go to the Registrar’s Office, at least one week
prior to any administration of the exam, to register for the EWC.
HoW oftEN iS tHE Exam offErED?
The EWC is offered on scheduled dates and at scheduled times each semester. The exam
is offered at least once each term. Students must take the Exam when it is scheduled to be
given. Work, family, school or athletic conflicts must be settled by the student so that he or
she is free to take the Exit Exam at its scheduled time. Religious practices, which prohibit
activity at the time of the scheduled Exam and obligations to the U. S. military at the time of
the scheduled Exam are the only exceptions to the above policy.
WHo aDmiNiStErS tHE EWC?
The EWC is administered by the office of Institutional Effectiveness and Assessment and is
listed in the school catalog as ENG 299.
WHo GraDES tHE EWC aND HoW iS it SCorED?
Graders are recruited from NSU faculty and staff members representing all of the programs
of study and offices. The EWC graders are trained by the Writing Competency Coordinator
and/or IEA staff member on an on-going basis.
Each essay is evaluated by two graders. If the two graders disagree about the Pass/Not
Pass evaluation, a third grader evaluates the essay. This means that at least two graders
agree on the final assignment of Pass/Not Pass. As of Fall 2006, a newly-designed 5-point
rubric will be used to evaluate student exams. Students must earn at least a score of (3) on
all criterion to pass the Exam. Students must pass in all areas of evaluation to earn a final
mark of Pass.
HoW iS tHE EWC aDVErtiSED?
The dates and times of the EWC are well publicized at the beginning of each semester;
they are published in the NSU Catalog and the Schedule of Classes booklet for each se-
mester and posted all over campus at the beginning of each semester. The exam dates and
other exam information will also listed in the Spartan E-Daily announcements.
In addition, advisors, faculty members, the registrar’s office, and other administrative offices
are supplied with the dates and times of the Exams. Information is always available from the
office of Institutional Effectiveness and Assessment and the Writing Competency Coordina-
tor’s office.
WHat SHoULD i BriNG to tHE Exam?
Students should bring their NSU ID card, pens, pencils, and a dictionary to the exam. No
electronic dictionaries/grammar devices are allowed at the exam.
HoW SooN WiLL i GEt my rESULtS?
At a minimum, Pass/Not Pass results go to individual students through their NSU e-mail or
by posting, and a list of names, student numbers and results goes to the Registrar’s Office
about four weeks after the date of the Exam.
3
WHat HappENS if i paSS?
The grade is forwarded to the Registrar’s Office and will be listed on the student’s transcript.
WHat HappENS if i Do Not paSS?
Students are advised to contact the Writing Competency Coordinator if they do not pass the
Exam. Those students who do contact the Coordinator are given an appointment time and
come in to review their exams.
If the student needs additional work, they are referred to the ACCESS program or other
effective resources, such as the writing workshops offered by the English Department or
ACCESS.
In addition, the University has an on-line writing tutorial program, Criterion, which has been
designed to help students with all aspects of their writing but especially with writing prob-
lems relating to the Exam; students are strongly encouraged to use this resource as well.
4
EWC Scoring
rubric
o
rG
a
N
iz
a
tio
N
a
ppropriate use of essay structure
(introduction, thesis statem
ent, Body paragraphs,
C
onclusion,
transitional devices, etc.)
D
EV
ELo
pm
EN
t &
a
N
a
Ly
SiS
a
ppropriate use of central ideas and concrete
details that support the thesis and prom
pt
SEN
tEN
C
E StrU
C
tU
rE
a
ppropriate use of the construction of com
plete,
com
plex sentences
G
ra
m
m
a
r, D
iC
tio
N
&
m
EC
H
a
N
iC
S
a
ppropriate use of the conventions of
gram
m
ar
such as tense, po
V, etc. as w
ell as language
usage, punctuation (internal and external), spell-
ing, capitalization, etc.
5
(Superior
Competency)
C
learly-stated, sophisticated thesis directly
addresses the prom
pt; Introduction establishes
the content and purpose; C
onclusion effectively
recounts and sum
m
arizes argum
ents; Body para-
graphs include m
ain points discussed separately
and in detail; Effective use of thoughtful transitions
that connect ideas.
A
rgum
ents effectively address all aspects of the
prom
pt; Relevant, quality details enrich the central
them
e; Show
s clear insight on the part of the w
riter.
C
om
plete sentences are w
ell-built w
ith com
plex
and varied structure; Little to no sentence structure
errors such as fragm
ents, run-ons etc.
Little to no gram
m
atical errors (i.e. subject/
verb
agreem
ent, tense, PO
V) used effectively and
coherently throughout the essay; Language choices
enhance m
eaning and clarify understanding in a
precise, interesting w
ay;
N
ear perfect execution of internal and external
punctuation, spelling and capitalization (1
-3
errors).
4
(above average
Competency)
C
learly-stated, thesis addresses the prom
pt;
Introduction begins to establish a foundation for the
content and purpose; C
onclusion sum
m
arizes argu-
m
ents; Body paragraphs are sound and reinforce
structure; Transitions connect ideas.
D
etails are present and support argum
ents; A
rgu-
m
ents are clear and illustrate som
e aw
areness of
the com
plexities of the issue being discussed
Sequencing is logical and effective, som
e sentence
variety and use of com
plex sentence form
s; Very
few
fragm
ents, run-ons etc.
A
few
gram
m
atical errors, but gram
m
ar is correctly
applied; A
ttem
pt at use of varied and advanced
language that enhances argum
ents; Very few
external punctuation and a few
internal (i.e.
com
m
a, sem
i-colon, etc.) errors; Very few
spelling
and capitalization errors
(3
-5
errors).
3
(Competency)
G
eneralized thesis addresses the prom
pt; Sim
ple,
but recognizable introduction and conclusion;
A
dequate incorporation of support for thesis in
body paragraphs, though they m
ay obtain som
e
extraneous inform
ation;
Transitions m
ay be m
echanical, but foster coher-
ence.
D
evelopm
ent is basic, ideas are reasonably clear,
though they do not help flesh out som
e of the m
ain
argum
ents presented; A
rgum
ents on topic, but m
ay
not dem
onstrate in-depth understanding.
Sequencing show
s logic, som
e sentence vari-
ety; Sentences are routine, but effective; A
few
fragm
ents, run-ons, etc., but not to the point of
distraction.
Problem
s w
ith gram
m
ar are not serious enough to
distort m
eaning, but m
ay not be correctly applied
in each instance; A
ttem
pts at colorful language
apparent, but diction som
etim
es reaches beyond
the scope of the argum
ent; Punctuation som
etim
es
m
issing or w
rong; Som
e spelling and capitalization
errors (5
-1
0
errors).
2
(Developing
Competency)
Thesis is vague or im
plied, not clear or specific,
m
ay sim
ply breach prom
pt; Introduction and con-
clusion do not establish purpose or sum
m
arize argu-
m
ents; Body paragraphs are poorly organized,
ideas are strung together haphazardly; Ineffective
transitions.
D
etails m
ay be too broad, narrow
or inappropri-
ate; A
rgum
ents are unclear or supporting evidence
is insufficient, often unnecessarily repetitious.
Very little sentence variety, m
ost are structured the
sam
e w
ay; Som
e are aw
kw
ard, others are frag-
m
ents, run-ons, etc.
N
um
erous gram
m
atical errors that distort m
eaning
in som
e instances; Language often used in odd
w
ays; Jargon or clichés distract or m
islead, redun-
dancy is distracting; M
any external and internal
punctuation errors as w
ell as num
erous errors in
spelling and capitalization (1
0
-1
5
errors).
1
(incompetence)
N
o clear or im
plied thesis statem
ent; N
o clear
introduction or conclusion; Paragraphing is m
issing,
irregular or so frequent that it has no relationship
to the essay; transitions are confusing or absent;
O
rganizational problem
s m
ake the essay near
im
possible to understand.
Supporting inform
ation is lim
ited, unclear or not
present at all; Thoughts are disconnected and have
no discernable point; Essay length is not adequate
for developm
ent.
Sequencing is random
, m
ost phrases are not
sentences at all; Endless conjunctions or a com
plete
lack thereof, w
hich causes m
ass confusion.
Frequent gram
m
atical errors distort m
eaning and
hinder com
m
unication; Little to no variation in w
ord
choice, language is used incorrectly and seriously
im
pairs understanding; G
ross errors in punctuation,
spelling and capitalization that hinder m
eaning as
w
ell as understanding. (1
5
+
errors).
EWC SCoriNG rUBriC
5
ESSay GUiDELiNES
a paSSiNG ESSay mUSt SHoW CompEtENCE iN
EaCH of tHE foLLoWiNG CritEria:
1. ORGANIZATION – To what extent does the response exhibit the traditional three-part
structure of beginning, middle, and end? To what extent is the response controlled by a
single dominant idea, most often the answer to the question? To what extent are the para-
graphs or subsections controlled by their central ideas?
2. DEVELOPMENT & ANALYSIS – To what extent do the central ideas and concrete details
support the thesis and the writing prompt? To what extent does the response make use of
appropriate information and details to support its generalizations? To what extent are the
information and details logically linked to the central ideas of the response and the para-
graphs or subsections?
3. SENTENCE STRUCTURE – To what extent are sentences complete and well-built? To what
extent are sentences varied in structure?
4. GRAMMAR, DICTION & MECHANICS – To what extent does the response display a
command of the conventions of usage? To what extent does the response exhibit appropri-
ate vocabulary and sentence variety?
The descriptions above are the products of an effective writing process. Here is some advice about us-
ing your writing process to make sure that the essay you write will meet the above criteria.
Remember that an essay has three basic parts–a beginning, middle, and end; in other
words, an academic essay has an introductory paragraph, body paragraphs, and a
concluding paragraph. Don’t let trouble with writing the introductory paragraph bottleneck
the rest of your essay. You can always come back and write the introduction after you’ve
finished with the body of the essay; just leave about half the first page lines blank. Fill them
in when you are ready to write the introduction. Be sure to revise and edit the paragraph.
Budget your time: Set aside time for reading the question carefully. Read it at least twice,
making sure that you understand what your essay needs to be about in order to answer
it. If an excerpt of an article, a quotation or chart or graph is included with your question,
use those to help get started on your answer, but remember that you’re not writing an essay
about that excerpt or quotation. Set aside time for generating ideas by thinking and then
free writing, clustering, asking questions, or brainstorming on paper. Use these ideas to put
together a working outline, and write your essay from this prewriting effort. Don’t plan on
copying over from a rough draft; in general, 3 hours isn’t enough time to use the writing
process in the way you would if you had a few days to write an essay. Finally, set aside
enough time to revise and edit your essay; most students need to budget at least 30 minutes
for this step.
Revise according to criteria 1, 2, and 3 (listed above) and your own writing weaknesses:
6
You won’t have a copy of these criteria when you take the exam, so you should have a
thorough understandingof what each criterion means in terms of your writing in general and,
specifically, your writing for the Examination of Writing Competency (EWC). Read through
this packet again before you go to take the exam.
Criterion 1 requires that your essay be organized. An effective organization requires a strong
thesis statement (the answer to the question in the EWC), body paragraphs which support that
thesis statement and which have their own central ideas, and transitional devices wherever
needed.
Criterion 2 requires that an essay be thoroughly developed using specific details and ex-
amples. Use concrete, specific language wherever possible, and be sure that every general-
ization in the essay is thoroughlydeveloped. For example, it’s not sufficient to write that you
think tuition raises should be frozen by the state government. Your reader needs to know why
you think that. If one of your reasons is that you think tuition is too high already, you need to
be specific: how much, in dollars, you pay right now, what you get for it, what you think you
should get for that much money, why you can’t afford to pay anymore than you already do
(maybe you support a family and a car already?), what your friend John pays for tuition at
a college in North Carolina. There are many specific details that support your opinion and
make your point so much stronger than it might be without the details.
Criterion 3 requires that your essay is made up of complete, complex sentences. Good
sentence structure means that your essay is free of run-ons or fragments, as these may impair
understanding. If you have to read your sentences twice to make sense of them, rewrite them.
Use varied sentence structure and sentence length in the body of the essay.
Edit according to Criterion 4 and your own writing weaknesses:
There are specific errors that competent college writers don’t make. Below you will find a list
of most of those errors; take particular note if any of these are errors you know you tend to
make when you write. Most of these errors can be edited and corrected if you budget your
time so that you have enough time after you’ve written your essay to do this: In fact, your writ-
ing may well improve if you can learn to write your drafts without worrying about grammar,
mechanics, and spelling. To worry about such matters while you write can often distract you
from excellent development, sentence structure, and “flow.” Whenever possible, write, revise,
and edit in that order.
1. punctuation errors – Know the comma rules and use commas only when and where they
are needed. Understand the difference between simple plural noun forms with “s” endings
and possessive noun forms with “’s” endings. Understand the colon and the semi-colon and
how you should use them.
7
2. pronoun errors – Understand the importance of being consistently correct in case and agree-
ment as you use pronouns.
3. point of view – Be consistent. Use “I” if necessary. Avoid “you”; you won’t need to address
your audience directly unless the question requires you to do so.
4. Verb errors – Understand the necessity of using verbs correctly so that they agree with their
subjects and have the appropriate endings.
5. Vocabulary – Understand that the college writer has a wide and varied vocabulary but that
you shouldn’t use words you don’t understand in test situations. Build your vocabulary constant-
ly, all day every day. Know how to use the vocabulary of your major.
6. Spelling, including homonym errors – Look up any words which you don’t know how to
spell. Don’t use a word if you can’t find out how to spell it. Spell correctly those words which
appear in the question and any words you must use throughout your essay. Know the rules for
homonym use: there/their/they’re, where/were, too/to/two. These are easy errors to make
but easy errors to edit for and correct.
7. miscellaneous Errors – “A lot” is two words. “Cannot” is one word. “Affect” is a verb and
“effect” is a noun. “Myself” should usually be avoided; replace it with “I” or “me.” Don’t use an
exclamation point for emphasis in academic writing; let your words supply the excitement.
8
SampLE oUtLiNES aND ESSayS
SAMPLE OUTLINE FOR A FIVE-PARAGRAPH ESSAY
This is in relation to “The Hazards of Moviegoing”
title: the Hazards of moviegoing
i. introduction
A. Introductory statement
B. Thesis statement: i like watching movies but i prefer watching them at home.
ii. Body
A. First Supporting Idea (Topic Sentence): just getting to the theater presents difficulties
1. bad weather
2. long drive and limited parking space
3. long waiting to buy ticket
B. Second Supporting Idea (Topic Sentence): facing the problems of the theater itself
1. old theater’s problems such as smelly carpet, worn-out seat, etc
2. new theater’s problems such as smaller size, noise from next movie theater, etc
3. both floors will be rubber-like dirty at the end of the movie
C. Third Supporting Idea (Topic Sentence): Some of the patrons are annoying
1. bad behavior such as running, talking loud, etc
2. human noise and disturbance
iii. Conclusion
A. Closing statement
B. Restate thesis: i prefer to watch movies at home where it is comfortable, clean and safe.
fiVE paraGrapH ESSay SampLE BaSED oN tHE oUtLiNE aBoVE
The Hazards of Moviegoing by John Langan from College Writing Skills with Readings
introductory paragraph
(Thesis) I am a movie fanatic. When friends want to know what picture won the Oscar in
1980 or who played the police chief in Jaws, they ask me. My friends, though, have stopped
asking me if I want to go out to the movies. The problems in getting to the theater, the theater
itself, and the behavior of some patrons are all reasons why I often wait for a movie to show up
on TV.
first supporting paragraph
First of all, just getting to the theater presents difficulties. Leaving a home equipped with a
TV and a video recorder isn’t an attractive idea on a humid, cold, or rainy night. Even if the
weather cooperates, there is still a thirty-minute drive to the theater down a congested highway,
9
followed by the hassle of looking for a parking space. And then there are the lines. After hook-
ing yourself to the end of a human chain, you worry about whether there will be enough tickets,
whether you will get seats together, and whether many people will sneak into the line ahead of
you.
Second supporting paragraph
Once you have made it to the box office and gotten your tickets, you are confronted with the
problems of the theater itself. If you are in one of the run-down older theaters, you must adjust to
the musty smell of seldom-cleaned carpets. Escaped springs lurk in the faded plush or cracked
leather seats, and half the seats you sit in seem loose or tilted so that you sit at a strange angle.
The newer twin and quad theaters offer their own problems. Sitting in an area only one-quarter
the size of a regular theater, moviegoers often have to put up with the sound of the movie next
door. This is especially jarring when the other movie involves racing cars or a karate war and
you are trying to enjoy a quiet love story. And whether the theater is old or new, it will have
floors that seem to be coated with rubber cement. By the end of a movie, shoes almost have to
be pried off the floor because they have become sealed to a deadly compound of spilled soda,
hardening bubble gum, and crushed Ju-Jubes.
third supporting paragraph
Some of the patrons are even more of a problem than the theater itself. Little kids race up and
down the aisles, usually in giggling packs. Teenagers try to impress their friends by talking back
to the screen, whistling, and making what they consider to be hilarious noises. Adults act as
if they were at home in their own living rooms and comment loudly on the ages of the stars or
why movies aren’t as good anymore. And people of all ages crinkle candy wrappers, stick gum
on their seats, and drop popcorn tubs or cups of crushed ice and soda on the floor. They also
cough and burp, squirm endlessly in their seats, file out for repeated trips to the rest rooms or
concession stand, and elbow you out of the armrest on either side of your seat.
Concluding paragraph
After arriving home from the movies one night, I decided that I was not going to be a moviegoer
anymore. I was tired of the problems involved in getting to the movies and dealing with the the-
ater itself and some of the patrons. The next day I arranged to have cable TV service installed in
my home. I may now see movies a bit later than other people, but I’ll be more relaxed watching
box office hits in the comfort of my own living room.
10
SampLE EWC ESSayS aND ESSay BrEaKDoWNS
The following are several examples of successful and unsuccessful EWC essays. The pass-
ing essays are by no means perfect and small modifications may have been made to clarify
meaning in the essays. However, for the most part, each essay was typed exactly as it was
written. One of the essays, ESSAY 2, has a detailed breakdown as well as standard com-
ments.
EWC DirECtioNS
When students take the EWC, they are given a choice of three exam questions as well as
a set of directions for writing their essay. These directions are meant to serve as a writing
guide and checklist for each student. Each student should remember to follow the EWC
directions carefully when writing your essay. They are as follows:
DirECtioNS:
Write a well-developed academic essay that responds to ONE (1) of the three questions
below. You are to write ONE essay that answers ONE of the questions.
A competent academic essay will include: an introduction, thesis statement, body para-
graphs, a conclusion, and transitional devices.
Be sure to directly address the prompt/question throughout your essay and use details to
support each of your arguments.
A quote may be provided to help guide you as you think about how to answer the ques-
tions; it isn’t necessary to include anything from the quote in your essay although you can
use the quote if you wish.
Develop your essay with specific details and examples drawn from history, literature, cur-
rent events or personal experience. Your essay should be about 500-600 words long.
ESSay 1
Question Code 01
“I read in the newspaper recently about a government study undertaken to determine what
makes children learn. What was found–after twenty-five million dollars of research–was that
the single largest determinant in making children learn is the presence of at least one adult–
and this does not have to be a biological relative–who cares whether they [learn].”
from The Gift of Change, Marianne Williamson, 2004
Question:
Would you agree that one caring adult can make the difference between whether a
child learns or doesn’t learn?
11
•
•
•
•
•
During the course of my education, I have been surrounded by students who have
the desire to learn and those who do not. More often than not, I have discovered that
the student who desires to learn oftentimes has an adult who is actively involved in their
education. Therefore, drawing, from my own personal experiences, I can agree with the
statement that one caring adult can make the difference between whether a child learns or
does not learn.
For as far back as I can remember, my mother has actively participated in my
education. My mother was always the one adult in my life who assisted me with various
school projects or attended parent-teacher conferences to track the progress of my edu-
cation. The involvement of my mother in my education affooted me in a profound way.
Through my mother’s actions, I could see the deep respect she had for learning. As a result,
I began to share my mother’s respect for learning. This newfound respect I had acquired
was seen inside and outside of the classroom. I began to read any book I could find, visit
museums, and do just about anything I could think of to increase my learning. Therefore,
my mother’s actions-not her words-served to be the impetus for my love of learning. In fact,
my mother’s involvement in my education continues to this day. She is always encouraging
me to learn new things or take some class she has heard about. At this point in my life,
my mother is not only demonstrating her respect for learning, she is teaching me that it is
something that never ends.
However, the same person who instilled the love of learning in me did not initially
have it instilled in her. When my mother was growing up, her parents demonstrated a lack
of interest in her education. My mother’s parents rarely attended parent-teacher conferences
ad adopted a “hands-off” approach when it came to my mother’s learning. As a result,
my mother adopted the same attitude. Though she did what she had to do to pass her
classes, school (and learning) was a secondary concern to my mother. As a result, pursuing
a higher education did not interest my mother because she had no desire to learn. It was
not until many years later (when I began to attend school) that she began to realize the
importance of learning. From that point on, my mother sought to install the love of learning
in me – the same love her parents had failed to instill in her.
Through the analysis of my own personal experiences as well as the experiences
of those around me, I can agree with the fact that at least one caring adult makes the dif-
ference between whether a child learns or does not learn. My mother was the only parent
actively involved in my education and I grew to love learning. On the other hand, my
mother had neither parent involved in her learning and she grew to disregard it. Once par-
ents realize that their attitude toward learning directly affects their children, the more children
will desire to learn. This desire does not come from words. Instead it is something that is
unspoken, something that inherently exists from the time the child begins to learn. Once this
aspect is realized, the better off the next generation will be.
WORD COUNT: 559
12
Comments on ESSay 1
This is a PASSING essay and most frequently falls into the “Superior Competency” category:
organization
Clearly-stated, sophisticated thesis directly addresses the prompt; Introduction establishes
the content and purpose; Conclusion effectively recounts and summarizes arguments; Body
paragraphs include main points discussed separately and in detail; Effective use of thought-
ful transitions that connect ideas.
Development & analysis
Arguments effectively address all aspects of the prompt; Relevant, quality details enrich the
central theme; Shows clear insight on the part of the writer.
Sentence Structure
Complete sentences are well-built with complex and varied structure; Little to no sentence
structure errors such as fragments, run-ons etc.
Grammar, Diction & mechanics
Little to no grammatical errors (i.e. subject/verb agreement, tense, POV) used effectively
and coherently throughout the essay; Language choices enhance meaning and clarify
understanding in a precise, interesting way; Near perfect execution of internal and external
punctuation, spelling and capitalization (1-3 errors).
ESSay 1 pros:
• Clearly-stated thesis
• Well-developed body paragraphs
• Good use of commas/punctuation/tense
• Transitional statements used throughout
• Conclusion has summarized arguments and re-stated thesis
ESSay 1 Cons:
• One sentence structure error
• Only two (2) body paragraphs
ESSay 2
Question Code 01
“The National Museum of African American History and Culture should be built on the Mall
near the Washington Monument, the Smithsonian’s Board of Regents decided yesterday…
Backers of the museum hope it will open by 20
16
.”
from Mall Site Is Chosen for Black History Museum, The Washington Post,
January 2006
13
Question: Discuss at least three (3) major events/people that should be included in
the National museum of african american History and Culture that will eventually be
added to the Smithsonian and explain why they should be included.
The three people who should be included in the National Museum of African
American History and Culture are Martin Luther King, Jr., Bill Cosby and Oprah Winfrey.
These three African Americans are some of the most recognizable and influential people of
the twenty-first century. I believe they are owed recognition in the National Museum for their
contributions to African Americans and to humanity for the following reasons.
First, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. spearheaded the Civil Rights era with an ideology
and approach that seemed to mirror Mahatma Gandhi’s view. The idea was nonviolent
resistance to the laws and hardships that plagued African Americans in the nineteen- sixties.
Dr. King’s approach was more successful than his contemporaries, because his message
was not rooted in hate or retribution. Instead, his message preached forgiveness and
understanding. Dr. King’s courage led the people of the Civil Rights era to inevitable victory,
but at the cost of his own life. Dr. Martin Luther King was murdered before his dream was
realized and, for this reason above all, he should be given a place of honor at the National
Museum of African American History and Culture.
In addition to Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Bill Cosby is a person who has contrib-
uted a great deal to the recognition of African American culture and to the enrichment of
all mankind. Bill Cosby began his career in the nineteen-sixties as a comedian and later
worked as a television celebrity. However, Bill Cosby would later become a philanthropist
whose mission was to help all of mankind. In the nineteen-eighties, Bill Cosby wrote a series
of books on parenting that revolutionized the way parents treat their children. Mr. Cosby
has also championed various issues from Civil Rights to education. Recently, Bill Cosby
went to New Orleans to battle the scandal surrounding the elections in that city. After all the
philanthropic efforts Mr. Cosby has made, he definitely belongs in the National Museum of
African American Culture.
Furthermore, another candidate that deserves recognition is in the National
Museum for African American History and Culture Oprah Winfrey. Mrs. Winfrey began as
a television personality at a small news station in New York. She would later become one
of the most recognizable African American females in the world. Oprah Winfrey accom-
plished this by using her television show to promote the discussion of sensitive and contro-
versial issues such as sexual harassment, politics, affirmative action and healthcare. Oprah
Winfrey gained the respect of the whole nation when she talked about her own sexual
assault as a child. As a result of Oprah’s own courage, many other people can talk about
their problems. Oprah has also championed various causes to serve humanity. She recently
did a television show on childhood obesity and its impact on adulthood diseases. Clearly
for these reasons, Oprah Winfrey should be inducted into the National Museum for African
American History and Culture.
In conclusion, these three icons should be rewarded for their contributions to
African American culture and humanity. Very few people influence the world about African
Americans like these three people. The courage these people, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Bill
Cosby and Oprah Winfrey, showed and the hardships they faced should guarantee them a
place of honor in the National Museum of African American History and Culture.
WORD COUNT: 523
14
Comments on ESSay 2
This is a PASSING essay and most frequently falls into the “Above Average Competency”
category:
organization
Clearly-stated, thesis addresses the prompt; Introduction begins to establish a foundation
for the content and purpose; Conclusion summarizes arguments; Body paragraphs are
sound and reinforce structure; Transitions connect ideas.
Development & analysis
Details are present and support arguments; Arguments are clear and illustrate some aware-
ness of the complexities of the issue being discussed.
Sentence Structure
Sequencing is logical and effective, some sentence variety and use of complex sentence
forms; Very few fragments, run-ons etc.
Grammar, Diction & mechanics
A few grammatical errors, but grammar is correctly applied; Attempt at use of varied and
advanced language that enhances arguments; Very few external punctuation and a few
internal (i.e. comma, semi-colon, etc.) errors; Very few spelling and capitalization errors
(3-5 errors).
ESSay 2 pros:
• Clear, appropriate thesis statement
• Many concrete details
• Transitional phrases/statements used in each paragraph
• Conclusion re-states thesis
ESSay 2 Cons:
• A few sentence structure errors
• Some unnecessary repetition of words or word phrases
ESSay 2 BrEaKDoWN
introduction with thesis statement: The three people who should be included in the
National Museum of African American History and Culture are Martin Luther King, Jr., Bill
Cosby and Oprah Winfrey. These three African Americans are some of the most recogniz-
able and influential people of the twenty-first century. I believe they are owed recognition
in the National Museum for their contributions to African Americans and to humanity for the
following reasons.
15
Body paragraph 1
topic Sentence with transitional phrase: First, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. spearheaded
the Civil Rights era with an ideology and approach that seemed to mirror Mahatma
Gandhi’s view.
argument/Explanation: The idea was nonviolent resistance to the laws and hardships
that plagued African Americans in the nineteen- sixties. Dr. King’s approach was more
successful than his contemporaries, because his message was not rooted in hate or
retribution.
Development/Details: Instead, his message preached forgiveness and understanding.
Dr. King’s courage led the people of the Civil Rights era to inevitable victory, but at the
cost of his own life.
return to main idea: Dr. Martin Luther King was murdered before his dream was real-
ized and, for this reason above all, he should be given a place of honor at the National
Museum of African American History and Culture.
Body paragraph 2
topic Sentence with transitional phrase: In addition to Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Bill
Cosby is a person who has contributed a great deal to the recognition of African Ameri-
can culture and to the enrichment of all mankind.
argument/Explanation: Bill Cosby began his career in the nineteen-sixties as a come-
dian and later worked as a television celebrity. However, Bill Cosby would later become
a philanthropist whose mission was to help all of mankind.
Development/Details: In the nineteen-eighties, Bill Cosby wrote a series of books on
parenting that revolutionized the way parents treat their children. Mr. Cosby has also
championed various issues from Civil Rights to education. Recently, Bill Cosby went to
New Orleans to battle the scandal surrounding the elections in that city.
return to main idea: After all the philanthropic efforts Mr. Cosby has made, he definitely
belongs in the National Museum of African American Culture.
Body paragraph 3
topic Sentence with transitional phrase: Furthermore, another candidate that deserves
recognition is in the National Museum for African American History and Culture Oprah
Winfrey.
16
argument/Explanation: Mrs. Winfrey began as a television personality at a small news
station in New York. She would later become one of the most recognizable African
American females in the world. Oprah Winfrey accomplished this by using her television
show to promote the discussion of sensitive and controversial issues such as sexual harass-
ment, politics, affirmative action and healthcare.
Development/Details: Oprah Winfrey gained the respect of the whole nation when
she talked about her own sexual assault as a child. As a result of Oprah’s own courage,
many other people can talk about their problems. Oprah has also championed various
causes to serve humanity. She recently did a television show on childhood obesity and its
impact on adulthood diseases.
return to main idea: Clearly for these reasons, Oprah Winfrey should be inducted into
the National Museum for African American History and Culture.
Conclusion with re-stated thesis: In conclusion, these three icons should be rewarded for
their contributions to African American culture and humanity. Very few people influence
the world about African Americans like these three people. The courage these people,
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Bill Cosby and Oprah Winfrey, showed and the hardships they
faced should guarantee them a place of honor in the National Museum of African American
History and Culture.
ESSay 3
Question Code 03
“Students entering Norfolk State University seeking the baccalaureate degree are required
to take forty semester hours from the general education core curriculum consisting of Digital,
Computer and Telecommunications; Communications; Humanities; Social Sciences; Math-
ematics; Natural Sciences; Health and Physical Education; and Cultural Electives.”
from Norfolk State University 2002-2004 University Catalog
Question: in what ways have you benefited from the required general education
courses that you have taken while a student here at Norfolk State University?
Although my main goal in coming to Norfolk State University was to obtain a
baccalaureate degree in Computer Science with engineering emphasis, I never knew I
would benefit so much from the general education core curriculum courses offered on cam-
pus. My benefits can be categorized into five groups based on the required general educa-
tion courses. These include Humanities benefits, Health and Physical Education benefits,
Mathematics benefits, communications benefits, and Natural Sciences benefits.
Taking Humanities 210 and 211, gave me more knowledge in three different
areas. These were history, culture, and religion. Although I was born in Africa, I never
knew Africa was the second largest continent in the world until I studied the history of in
17
my Humanities 210 class. I also did not know that Africa had on of the earliest civilization
until I heard about that in a presentation given in class. The earliest civilization was in the
Mesopotemia region in Northern Africa. From my Humanities 210 and 211 class, I have
been able to understand why certain people live differently from other people in different
parts of the world. This became clear to me after studying different cultures in different
regions in the world. From Humanities 211, I have been able to learn the other regions in
some knowledge about other peoples religion. Some of these religion includes Buddhism
and Huiduism from India, and Islam and Zoroastranism from Persia. Now to my Health
and Physical Education benefits.
Health and Physical Education classes have helped me stay relaxed and also
reduce a lot of my school stress. From this class or course, I have been able to create
my own exercise program that helped me stay fit all year round. Last year. After taking
PED-100, I have been able to exercise all parts of my body. I have also learned how to lift
weights properly to strengthen my biceps and triceps.
My Mathematics benefits includes: gaining experience in the use of some
computer application software such as MATLAB, MINITAB, EXCEL, etc, analyzing data,
drawing graphs from a given equation, and wming up with solutions to a given problem.
All of these benefits were obtained from taking MTH-153 which involves data analysis and
translation of data into graphs, and MTH-384 which involves finding a general solution to a
given problem.
My other benefit category can be found in my communication courses which
includes ENG-101 and ENG -102 has helped improve my writing strategy for essays,
laboratory reports, and even my research papers. In ENG-101, I learned a lot from the
five-minute paragraph drills that were given in class. This helped me to come up with good,
if not the best essays, by always remembering to have a topic sentence, followed by main
points and examples or elaboration of points, and a conclusion.
Finally, with my Natural Sciences courses, I have been able to classify solutions
or mixtures into homogeneous or heterogeneous mixtures, based on their appearance. In
CHM –
22
1 lab, I learned that, if a mixture appears to have a uniform composition, then
that will be classified as a homogeneous mixture and mixture that forms two distinct layers
or the substances involved in a mixture. In this same lab, I have learned how to separate
the substances involved in a mixture. When a heterogeneous mixture involving two distinct
layers of substance, the decanting method should be used to separate the substance. If
the heterogeneous mixture has visible substances involving a sohel and a liguid, then the
filtration method will be used to separate the substances. Also from my labs, I found out
that homogeneous mixtures can be separated by means of evaporation. Not only have
I benefited from my Natural Sciences by being able to classify and separate mixtures but
also, I have been able to determine what a person’s weight would be on different planets.
This was made possible to me when I took PHY-152 and found out that, a person’s weight
actually depends on the force of gravity acting on that person. Since the force of gravity var-
ies from one planet to the other, it came to me that a person weighing 100 pounds on earth
will not have the same weight when he or she goes to planet mars.
18
ESSay 4
Question Code 03
“When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but we often look so long at the
closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.” Helen Keller
from “Odes to Joy” in Time, January 17, 2005
Question: Do you agree with Helen Keller that people often ignore the opportunity to
be happy in the present because they waste their time being miserable about the past?
In this day, and age happiness is nowhere near. Ignoring the opportunity to be happy in
the present is very easily done. The post holds a lot of people back from’ happiness feels.
Disbelief about happiness makes you a one minded person. When you’re always experi-
encing miserable sometimes you become a cold person. It’s much easier to brace yourself
for bad times. Everyone, have bad times but everyone can’t look past them. Majority of
the time you have to find happiness within yourself. If you just sitting around wating for
happiness it will never come. When the doors of happiness open you have to look for-
ward. The past is in the past for a reason. Everyone have bad times but you have to keep
your eye on the prize.
Personally, happiness is always a good feeling. It’s hard to forget miserable times, but a
good moment comes once in a blue moon. Take advantage of happiness when it finally
arrives. I, believe on Karma so if you’re experiencing bad times you have done miserable
things. Sometimes, I don’t want to open the door of happiness, because negativity is right
around the corner. A lot of times you have to just walk into the next door of happiness. The
past is a learning experience not a resting place. You have to move passed the miserable
times to make you a stronger person. There is nothing you can do about the past that’s why
it’s considered the past. You have to go through bad times in order to see the good ones.
Feeling miserable get’s you nowhere, but happiness can get you to many places.
Many people waste their time on trying to change the past. People sometimes don’t have
control over the situation, but they feel as though they do. You live for good days, and bad
ones. It’s hard to move on, but it will benefit you in the end. Especially, when life has dealt
you a bad hand.
Although, happiness is not right on your fingertips keep hope alive. Looking for negativity it
will appear when you least expect it. Stride for all doors of happiness and good things will
come from it. You should never think that happiness is not for you. Living the present is the
best thing to do. Leave the past in the past don’t look back. If you keep looking back you
will end up with the same results. You have on life so make sure you life the best life ever.
Word Count: 418
20
From the above paragraphs, it is quite obvious that I have nicely benefited from
the required general education courses that I have taken while a student here at Norfolk
State University.
WORD COUNT: 735
Comments on ESSay 3
this is a paSSiNG essay and most frequently falls into the “Competency” category:
organization
Generalized thesis addresses the prompt; Simple, but recognizable introduction and conclu-
sion; Adequate incorporation of support for thesis in body paragraphs, though they may
obtain some extraneous information; Transitions may be mechanical, but foster coherence.
Development & analysis
Development is basic, ideas are reasonably clear, though they do not help flesh out some
of the main arguments presented; Arguments on topic, but may not demonstrate in-depth
understanding.
Sentence Structure
Sequencing shows logic, some sentence variety; Sentences are routine, but effective; A few
fragments, run-ons, etc., but not to the point of distraction.
Grammar, Diction & mechanics
Problems with grammar are not serious enough to distort meaning, but may not be correctly
applied in each instance; Attempts at colorful language apparent, but diction sometimes
reaches beyond the scope of the argument; Punctuation sometimes missing or wrong; Some
spelling and capitalization errors (5-10 errors).
ESSay 3 pros:
• Generalized thesis statement
• Concrete details
• Good organization
ESSay 3 Cons:
• Covers a multitude of subjects sparsely, instead of focusing on just a few
• Several sentence structure errors, including a number of fragments
• Some problems with grammar and mechanics
• Conclusion is simply a sentence, not a full paragraph
19
Comments on ESSay 4
this is not a passing essay and most frequently falls into the
“Developing Competency” category:
organization
Thesis is vague or implied, not clear or specific, may simply breach prompt; Introduction
and conclusion do not establish purpose or summarize arguments; Body paragraphs are
poorly organized, ideas are strung together haphazardly; Ineffective
transitions.
Development & analysis
Details may be too broad, narrow or inappropriate; Arguments are unclear or supporting
evidence is insufficient, often unnecessarily repetitious.
Sentence Structure
Very little sentence variety, most are structured the same way; Some are awkward, others
are fragments, run-ons, etc.
Grammar, Diction & mechanics
Numerous grammatical errors that distort meaning in some instances; Language often used
in odd ways; Jargon or clichés distract or mislead, redundancy is distracting; Many external
and internal punctuation errors as well as numerous errors in spelling and capitalization
(10-15 errors).
ESSay 4 pros:
• Uses indention and paragraphing
• Begins to address the prompt
ESSay 4 Cons:
• Only has an implied thesis
• No concrete details; philosophical, but has no real substance
• Many awkward phrases and misspelled words
• Odd sentence structure, many sentences are fragments
• Many problems with grammar, diction and mechanics
ESSay 5
Question Code 03
“When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but we often look so long at the
closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.” Helen Keller
from “Odes to Joy” in Time, January 17, 2005
Question: Do you agree with Helen Keller that people often ignore the opportunity to
be happy in the present because they waste their time being miserable about the past?
21
I believe this statement to be true. I also see it as a metaphor for more than just said. I think
it boils down to appreciation. I say this for many reasons. We as a country take things
for granted. This subject can get so in-depth, that it can even involve the recent tragedy in
our country just 4 years ago. I use this example for the single fact that 9/11 could have
been a lot worse. Of course it was a tragedy, but we have to be grateful that other major
cities weren’t hit, we have to be grateful that the white house wasn’t hit, we have to be
grateful that many children weren’t hurt. These are things that we forget to consider, just
to name a few. But it’s not our fault, it’s simply human behavior. Another subject that can
raise this topic would be “Poverty”. We as Americans consider poverty a major issue, and
it is. But we must look at our counterparts. They are a reflection on how blessed we are. I
say this because in other countries, their poverty level is depressing. The families over there
sometimes don’t even have shelter. They sleep on dirt and walk around with no shoes on as
if it was a daily routine. They are faced with disease infested environments and low income
jobs. We as Americans wouldn’t be caught dead doing manual labor for less than $5.50
an hour. Don’t get me wrong wrong, we do have poverty, but not to the level they’re on.
The closet thing I can think of, to somewhat, be close to that would be our “projects” or
government funded houses. At lease the majority of Americans has housing. It might not be
the best furnished, but it’s a roof over their heads. I believe the average american wouldn’t
last a week, living in another countries poverty. So the question is….are ameicans spoiled
from lack of appreciation? Do americans often ignore the opportunity to be happy in the
present because we waste our time being miserable in the past? I say yes! We as a coun-
try tend to ignore opportunity when it knocks on our door. I will use “Our” problem with
Iraqe. We have had an ongoing dispute with Iraq for many years now. Because of things
that happend in the past, we are forced to see loved ones to be injured and killed, just for
something that happend in the past, we are forced to see loved ones to be injured and
killed, just for something that happend many years ago. Here’s where the opportunity to
be happy comes in. While our soldiers are over there, fighting “Another” man’s war, over
here the rich are getting richer. The more wars we have, the more money “America” gets. I
guess this is the time to get happy, if you’re one of the rich getting richer, that is. They have
nothing to lose. They don’t have family members over there fighting. I’m almost sure that
anyone remotely close to the president won’t go to the war. Why? Because is someone
close to the president was to get hurt, that wouldn’t exactly be a “Happy Opportunity”.
Me, I love this country, it has a lot of flaws but what country doesn’t. Im glad I have the
opportunity to get financial aid. So I can go to school, so I can have the opportunity to
make a better life for the ones I care about. I’m excited that I have the opportunity to be
happy now, thanks to the ones who were miserable in the past. So do I think Helen Keller’s
Statement is true, well I’ll just say that “Avoid what made you miserable in the past, so you’ll
have the opportunity to be happy in the present”
WORD COUNT: 634
22
InstItutIonal EffEctIvEnEss and assEssmEnt
TIPS FOR PASSING THE EWC
1 REVIEW THE BASIC COMPONENTS OF A STANDARD, ACADEMIC ESSAY:
Introduction Thesis statement Body paragraphs (at least three) Transitional
devices Conclusion
You can review the components of a standard, academic essay at:
http://www.wesleyan.edu/writing/workshop/departments/english.html
http://www.studygs.net/5paragraph_edit.htm
2 DO AN OUTLINE!
It is a very good idea to do a detailed outline before you begin writing your essay. A good
outline can be more effective than a rough draft and it takes less time.
You can review sample essay outlines at:
http://depts.gallaudet.edu/EnglishWorks/writing/fiveparagraph.html
3 MAKE SURE YOU UNDERSTAND DEVELOPMENT AND ANALYSIS
You must use development (arguments) and analysis (details) while writing your EWC essay.
Your arguments should effectively address all aspects of the prompt. Specific details must be
used to support each generalization in your essay and should enrich the central theme of the
essay.
You can review development and analysis at:
http://academic.brooklyn.cuny.edu/english/melani/cs6/essay.html
4 REVIEW USAGE AND STYLE
Usage and Style is nothing more than grammar and syntax. However, close to 90% of the
students who do not pass the EWC do so because they have problems with Usage and
Style. The only way to alleviate problems with sentence structure, tense, punctuation, spell-
ing, etcetera is to PRACTICE! PRACTICE! PRACTICE!
You can review Usage and Style at:
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/index.htm
http://www.csub.edu/~vturner/grammar.htm
http://www.nj.devry.edu/esc/partsofspeech.htm
5 CONSULT THE EWC SCORING RUBRIC
If you want to know what graders will be looking for when scoring the exam, read over the
Scoring Rubric carefully. Your main objective is to get at least a score of (3) in each of the
four criteria. You must get at least a score of (3) in each criterion to pass the EWC.
WritiNG/proofrEaDiNG tipS
24
Comments on ESSAY 5
this is not a passing essay and most frequently falls into
the “incompetence” category:
organization
No clear or implied thesis statement; No clear introduction or conclusion; Paragraphing is
missing, irregular or so frequent that it has no relationship to the essay; transitions are confus-
ing or absent; Organizational problems make the essay near impossible to understand.
Development & analysis
Supporting information is limited, unclear or not present at all; Thoughts are disconnected
and have no discernable point; Essay length is not adequate for development.
Sentence Structure
Sequencing is random, most phrases are not sentences at all; Endless conjunctions or a
complete lack thereof, which causes mass confusion.
Grammar, Diction & mechanics
Frequent grammatical errors distort meaning and hinder communication; Little to no variation
in word choice, language is used incorrectly and seriously impairs understanding; Gross
errors in punctuation, spelling and capitalization that hinder meaning as well as understand-
ing. (15+ errors).
ESSay 5 Cons:
• No paragraphs or indentation
• No thesis statement
• Question/prompt not identified or clearly addressed
• No concrete details that support the question/prompt
• Frequent use of awkward phrasing and misspelled words
• Odd sentence structure, many sentences are fragments and/or run-ons
• Several problems with grammar, diction and mechanics
23
Because Banana Herb Tea Supplement promotes rapid weight loss that results in the loss of
muscle and lean body mass, it poses a potential danger to customers.
This is a strong thesis because it takes a stand.
2. a strong thesis justifies discussion.
Your thesis should indicate the point of the discussion. If your assignment is to write a paper
on kinship systems, using your own family as an example, you might come up with either of
these two thesis statements:
My family is an extended family.
This is a weak thesis because it states an observation. Your reader won’t be able to tell the
point of the statement, and will probably stop reading.
While most American families would view consanguineal marriage as a threat to the
nuclear family structure, many Iranian families, like my own, believe that these marriages
help reinforce kinship ties in an extended family.
This is a strong thesis because it shows how your experience contradicts a widely-accepted
view. A good strategy for creating a strong thesis is to show that the topic is controversial.
Readers will be interested in reading the rest of the essay to see how you support your
point.
3. a strong thesis expresses one main idea.
Readers need to be able to see that your paper has one main point. If your thesis expresses
more than one idea, then you might confuse your readers about the subject of your paper.
For example:
Companies need to exploit the marketing potential of the Internet, and web pages can
provide both advertising and customer support.
This is a weak thesis statement because the reader can’t decide whether the paper is about
marketing on the Internet or web pages. To revise the thesis, the relationship between the
two ideas needs to become more clear. One way to revise the thesis would be to write:
Because the Internet is filled with tremendous marketing potential, companies should exploit
this potential by using web pages that offer both advertising and customer support.
This is a strong thesis because it shows that the two ideas are related. Hint: a great many
clear and engaging thesis statements contain words like “because,” “since,” “so,” “al-
though,” “unless,” and “however.”
4. a strong thesis statement is specific.
A thesis statement should show exactly what your paper will be about, and will help you
keep your paper to a manageable topic. For example, if you write a paper on hunger, you
might say:
World hunger has many causes and effects.
This is a weak thesis statement for two major reasons. First, “world hunger” can’t be dis-
cussed thoroughly in five or ten pages. Second, “many causes and effects” is vague. You
should be able to identify specific causes and effects. A revised thesis might look like this:
Hunger persists in appalachia because jobs are scarce and farming in the infertile soil
is rarely profitable.
26
HOW TO WRITE A THESIS STATEMENT
What is a thesis Statement?
Almost all of us—even if we don’t do it consciously—look early in an essay for a one- or
two-sentence condensation of the argument or analysis that is to follow. We refer to that
condensation as a thesis statement.
Why Should your Essay Contain a thesis Statement?
• to test your ideas by distilling them into a sentence or two
• to better organize and develop your argument
• to provide your reader with a “guide” to your argument
In general, your thesis statement will accomplish these goals if you think of the thesis as the
answer to the question your paper explores.
How Can you Write Good thesis Statement?
Here are some helpful hints to get you started:
How to Generate a thesis Statement if the topic is assigned.
Almost all assignments, no matter how complicated, can be reduced to a single question.
Your first step, then, is to distill the assignment into a specific question. For example, if your
assignment is “Write a report to the local school board explaining the potential benefits
of using computers in a fourth-grade class,” turn the request into a question like “What are
the potential benefits of using computers in a fourth-grade class?” After you’ve chosen the
question your essay will answer, compose one or two complete sentences answering that
question.
Q: “What are the potential benefits of using computers in a fourth-grade class?”
A: “The potential benefits of using computers in a fourth-grade class are . . . .”
– OR –
A: “Using computers in a fourth-grade class promises to improve . . . .”
The answer to the question is the thesis statement for the essay.
How to tell a Strong thesis Sentence from a Weak one.
1. a strong thesis takes some sort of stand.
Remember that your thesis needs to show your conclusions about a subject. For example,
if you are writing a paper for a class on fitness, you might be asked to choose a popular
weight-loss product to evaluate. Here are two thesis statements:
There are some negative and positive aspects to the Banana Herb Tea Supplement.
This is a weak thesis. First, it fails to take a stand. Second, the phrase “negative and posi-
tive aspects” is vague.
25
This is a strong thesis because it narrows the subject to a more specific and manageable
topic and it also identifies the specific causes for the existence of hunger.
Produced by Writing Tutorial Services, Indiana University, Bloomington, IN
Some Reflections on How to Write an Essay
the parts of an essay and their functions:
A thesis statement is a sentence which tells what you think about the topic of your essay.
Your thesis statement should be a sentence that will prompt a response in a reader, or
cause him/her to ask “why?” Your thesis sentence should also be a statement that con-
tains the gist of your point of view on the subject you are going to write about.
Generally, a thesis statement will appear in the introduction to the essay, which is the
first paragraph or section of the essay introducing your topic. Aim for a clear, strong
introduction that sets out what you’re going to say. Your introduction should be mainly
the “explaining” part of your paper. You should be aiming to present your idea in the
introduction (whatever it is, agreeing with an idea or disagreeing), and then explain how
it generally works. You don’t want to get into specifics yet; you just want to establish the
direction in which your essay is going to go.
Support for your thesis will appear in the body of the essay, which is the “illustrating” part
of your paper. In the body, you want to show how you know what you say you know,
and to do this you are going to use examples. You should be as specific as possible.
Give several carefully-chosen examples, or if you have few, provide very detailed ac-
counts of them. If your examples are well-described, it will be clear to the reader that you
have excellent reasons for believing as you do; thus you will have shown how you know
what you say you know.
The essay will end with a conclusion, where you will “wrap up.” In your conclusion, you
are trying to show how what you have described and discussed is generally valid.
Checking the draft for completeness and high quality:
It is important to learn to edit your work; there are very few good writers who are not also
good editors. Plan to spend some time checking your draft.
Check for clarity; you want to make sure everything you’ve written sounds like it makes
sense and is reasonably correct. You should first read your essay over slowly to yourself
(or even aloud) and catch any mistakes you see.
Edit out anything in your paper that seems to be going in a different direction to what you
want to say. You don’t want to contradict yourself.
Make sure there are smooth transitions between parts of your essay. You want each
paragraph to follow from the previous one, so your whole essay flows along. There’s a
simple way to do this: make the last sentence in each paragraph reflect or echo the first
sentence in the next. Try practicing this a few times.
Watch out for sentence fragments. Where sentences begin with If, Since, Although,
When, etc., make sure that they are properly finished. For example, “Although my dog
died. My cat is still alive.” should be, “Although my dog died, my cat is still alive.”
Divide up run-on sentences. Where you have two sentences run together, separate them
with periods. For example, the sentence, “I go to The College of Staten Island I am thirty-
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
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•
•
three” should be “I go to The College of Staten Island. I am thirty-three.”
Separate comma splices. When you have two complete sentences joined only by a
comma, this is a comma splice error, as in the sentence, “I had no food for three days,
I survived.” Find ways to join the sentences in ways that show the relationship between
them, such as, “I had no food for three days, but I survived.”
Be sure that you don’t end up with subject and verb disagreement. This happens when
the subject and verb are in conflict, such as in the sentence, “The trees is beautiful.” There
is subject/verb disagreement between the subject (trees) and the verb (is) because where
the subject “trees” is plural, the verb “is” is singular. It should read, instead, “the trees
(plural) are (plural) beautiful.”
Prepared by Professor Catherine Lavender for courses taught in The Department of History, The College of
Staten Island of The City University of New York. Send email to lavender@postbox.csi.cuny.edu
Last modified: Monday, 25 September 2000.
tipS for proofrEaDiNG
proofread backwards. Begin at the end and work back through the paper paragraph by
paragraph or even line by line. This will force you to look at the surface elements rather than
the meaning of the paper.
Know your own typical mistakes. Before you proofread, look over papers you have written
in the past. Make a list of the errors you make repeatedly.
Proofread for one type of error at a time. If commas are your most frequent problem, go
through the paper checking just that one problem. Then proofread again for the next most
frequent problem.
proofread aloud. This will slow you down and you will hear the difference between what
you meant to write and what you actually wrote.
Try reading backwards, a sentence at a time. This will help you focus on the sentences,
rather than getting caught up in the content of your paper.
Read through your paper several times, once looking just at spelling, another time looking
just at punctuation, and so on. Again, this can help you focus so you’ll do a better job.
Remember that editing isn’t just about errors. You want to polish your sentences at this point,
making them smooth, interesting, and clear. Watch for very long sentences, since they may
be less clear than shorter, more direct sentences. Pay attention to the rhythm of your writing;
try to use sentences of varying lengths and patterns. Look for unnecessary phrases, repeti-
tion, and awkward spots.
Adapted from: http://www.ualr.edu/owl/proofreading.htm
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ADDITIONAL RESOURCES FOR HELP WITH THE
EXAMINATION OF WRITING COMPETENCY (EWC)
ACCESS
campus computer lab, free tutoring for EWC students—some tutors have been trained
to work with EWC as they prepare to take the Exam or after they have not passed it
and need to re-take it. Norfolk Community Hospital Building,
contact rmarable@nsu.edu
www.bedfordsmartins.com/smhandbook
On-line writing handbook, electronic exercises, and The Twenty Most Common Errors
http://owl.english.purdue.edu
On-line writing lab sponsored by Purdue University
In accordance with Section 504 of the 1973 Rehabilitation Act and the Americans with
Disabilities Act (ADA), if you have a disability or think you have a disability, we ask that you
please contact the supporting students through Disability Services (SSDS) Office.
Location:2nd Floor / Lyman B. Brooks Library, Room 240
Contact Person: Marian E. Shepherd, Disability Services Coordinator
Telephone: 757-823-2014
For more information about the EWC, please contact
the Writing Competency Coordinator, Remica L. Bingham
at 757-823-2930 or rlbingham@nsu.edu
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