Revision

I am looking for someone who is very experienced in revisions. The paper is already complete and the revisions that need to be made are already attached to the paper. The requirements for this paper is 500-750 words with no citations. I would like a 1 day turn around who no plagiarism.  

Purce 2

Review my comments in the margins of the
essay
. If I comment on something once, that same type of error might be present in other places that I didn’t indicate. Use these comments to become more aware of errors and how to fix them, and focus on these areas in future writing assignments.

Email me if you have any questions or if you cannot read the feedback in the margins!

Grade:

82 B

PS: I suggest submitting all rough drafts of future essays to the Writing Lab for a review no later than Thursday midnight each week (the same day your rough draft is due for peer review). The Writing
Coach
can take up to
72
hours to provide feedback, so you will receive feedback by Friday midnight, and you can then use the weekend to revise before submitting your final draft for grading. Click on Writing Lab in the left menu of the course to enroll in the Writing Lab and then follow the instructions in the Writing Lab for submitting an assignment to the
writing coach
.

I’m also available to work with you one-on-one! Just drop in during my office hours (Fridays 4-6 pm CT) using the Meeting Center link in the left menu. You can also message me to schedule an appointment for another time.

22 November 2017
My First Boxing Match
[Mike Tyson said,] “God lets everything happen for a reason. It’s all a learning process, and you have to go from one level to another.”(Mike Tyson N Natascha Such citations are only used when a works cited page is provided, and last names only are included in parenthetical citations. If it’s a well known person, then just state the person’s name in the sentence as saying the quotation. ) Boxing is more than a sport it’s N Natascha Run-on (Fused Sentence): Use a period, semicolon, or comma/conjunction to divide complete sentences. See the textbook’s section on run-ons (or “fused” sentences). The Writing Lab has more exercises on run-ons in the Grammar on the Web section. There is also a workshop available in the Writing Lab that you can watch and is posted in the Lesson 1 learning activities.
a way of life. The blood, sweat, and energy you [athletes N Natascha Do not use “you” in writing UNLESS you mean specifically your audience (me and your classmates in this case). Specify who “you” is or, if you mean all people, use a word like “person,” “people,” or other word that means everyone. Sometimes, you can even rephrase the sentence so that “you” is implied. For example, “You should never exercise immediately after eating” would be “Never exercise immediately after eating.” As another example, “If you want a good burger, go to my mother’s house” might be “Anyone who wants a good burger can get one at my mother’s house” or “My mother makes really good burgers.”
] put into boxing is why N Natascha Avoid question words when using such words create wordiness. For example:
I fell in love with boxing due to the blood, sweat, and energy put into it. I fell in love with the sport. Boxing molded my life by teaching me the N Natascha Check spacing here.
Discipline, self-control, and courage that I didn’t know I had within myself N Natascha Good thesis!
However, according to this thesis, the first paragraph should be about discipline, the second about self-control and the third about courage. That’s not what the paper shows though.
The order ideas are mentioned in the thesis must be the order those ideas are discussed in the paper.
The essay is not really about this thesis but rather about your first boxing match. Therefore, the thesis needs to be revised to match the essay’s content OR the content revised to match the thesis here. .
I remember my first boxing match N Natascha Mention “discipline” in the topic sentence as that should be the main idea of the paragraph. For example: “My very first boxing match introduced to me the importance of discipline.” Then, describe examples to show the discipline of the sport. . It is uncommon for an individual to say they N Natascha “An individual” is singular. “They” is plural. Pronouns must agree in number with the nouns they replace. Both must be singular or both must be plural. are not nervous or feel some type of anxiety on their first attempt at a new event. Speaking for myself N Natascha You can only ever speak for yourself. Avoid calling attention to yourself as the writer/thinker/researcher of the essay. Just state your thoughts and provide examples as proof! , it was hard for me to compose N Natascha Unclear: You might be unable to compose yourself due to excitement (meaning unable to control/contain yourself), but “compose emotion” is unclear. the emotion of excitement. I was like a child on Christmas Eve trying to go to sleep. There I stood at 73’’ inches tall, 220 pounds in the blue corner, wearing silk blue trunks with a white strip on the left and right outlining the edge of the shorts N Natascha Good visual details here to help the reader imagine the situation with you! . My shirt was a simple blue tank top with my team logo of a man doing the front double bicep body building pose, wearing boxing gloves with the embroider letters below him stating “K Town Boxing”. I was rocking side to side throwing my hands lightly, right hand, left hand, right hand, and then left hand. At first glance you would think that I was trying to remember my combinations, but with each punch I threw tracing each line of the previous, I attempted to escape from my emotions. The right punch was nervousness, and the left punch was anxiety.
As the crowd stood still waiting in anticipation for the announcer N Natascha , Use a comma after an introductory clause. An introductory clause precedes the subject/verb of the sentence. The comma is placed there to ‘signal’ to the reader that the subject/verb is next. If you read this sentence out loud, you will hear your voice naturally pause where this comma should be. The comma in writing indicates where this pause would be in speaking.
I heard murmurs N Natascha Comma splice: Don’t use a comma where a period or a semicolon should be to divide two complete sentences. Read the words before the comma. Then, read the words after the comma. If BOTH are sentences, then a comma cannot be used. See the textbook’s section on comma splices.
, some were good and some were bad but the most distinct voice of them all was my coach. Coach Adams is what we call him [Coach Adams N Natascha This is another example of how to revise to avoid question words and thus create clearer and more concise sentences. Be straightforward and direct. ]. Coach’s voice was a dominant one such as a father telling his son he could accomplish anything if only you put your N Natascha “his son” would require a “he” and not a “you” pronoun to agree: …if only he put his mind to it. mind to it, meaning if he said it you would believe it. When I finally blocked out all the voices I heard something creeping over my shoulder saying I wasn’t good enough N Natascha Where do you need a comma after an introductory clause here? What about in the rest of the paper? . He turned to me and spoke N Natascha Use a colon after a complete sentence to introduce a list or quotation. [:] “this is what you trained for”. Finally, the bell rung N Natascha Begin new paragraphs when changing time, place, or main idea. A typical paragraph for an academic paper is 6-12 sentences, so think about that when outlining to make sure that you have enough to fill each paragraph or if you should divide paragraphs. Shorter, more manageable paragraphs emphasize ideas to the audience because important points are not “buried” in longer paragraphs.
, and the negative words that I felt were going to be a distraction had transformed to the faint sound of my breath and my heart pounding. I heard nothing but the referee’s commands and the relief of the bell to end the round.
Upon completion of the longest 270 seconds of my life N Natascha Really edit carefully for this missing comma after introductory clauses! [,] I was complete. My body felt exhausted, my mind was blank and the only thing I could focus on was the throbbing of my knuckles waiting for relief from the restraints of my gloves N Natascha Practice avoiding comma splices with this exercise: http://www.chompchomp.com/csfs01/csfs01.htm” http://www.chompchomp.com/csfs01/csfs01.htm . The referee called my opponent and myself [me] to N Natascha Only use “myself” if you’ve already used a pronoun to refer to yourself earlier in the sentence, such as “I called myself.” the center of the ring for the final decision. The announcer spoke and the attention of the entire gym was focused on us. At this point I could not hold myself up. I was shaking from the shock of exertion that my body had undergone. When I was declared the winner the level of excitement was through the roof it was a badge of honor that I had accomplish[ed N Natascha Proofread carefully! ] and no one could take from me N Natascha Where do you need a comma after an introductory clause in this sentence? What about in the rest of the paper? .
Boxing is a sport in which I love to participate and give my all in N Natascha You already said “in which” correctly earlier. . It shaped me with a badge of fearlessness that you N Natascha Really edit carefully to take out all ‘you’ in the paper! could not teach anyone. You would have to earn it. Boxing molded my life by teaching me discipline, self-control, and courage that I didn’t know I had within myself N Natascha Expand the conclusion to be a full paragraph of 6-12 sentences. What has been learned? Why is this topic important to discuss? How does it relate to anything “bigger”, particularly for those people who may have never boxed before? How has it changed you? Those are some of possible the questions to address in the conclusion.
.
Body Paragraph 1- Physique
Physical sight
Attire
Nervousness in the ring
Anticipation
Body paragraph 2- sound
Crown reactions
Coach adams
Focus after the bell rung
Body paragraph – emotions
Tiredness
Exhaustion
Shock