MEMO

TO: Ms. Noemi Galendo, Department Administrator
FROM: D. Joel Whalen, Ph.D., Associate Professor
DATE: November 12, 2012
RE: Request for Space Suit

Your recent purchases of technology have brought new, important advances to the
department. Please consider this request for advanced teaching technology: a space suit I
can wear during lectures.

It’s cool and I sweat

The rate of perspiration I achieve during a lecture is amazing. Frequently, students stop
listening to the content of my lesson, because the Mississippi River of sweat running
down my face distracts them. Some of the parts of my body that sweat include:

l Face
l Top of head
l Back

l Feet
l Hands
l Chest and stomach

A spacesuit, as you know, comes with a portable air conditioning unit. The inside
remains at a cool, constant temperature. A fan circulates air. A cooling liquid is pumped
about the extremities like hands and legs.

Communication with Houston

You know that I have not had an original thought since 1953 and that I’m totally
dependent on my partner, Tina M. Ricca, for constant coaching. A space suit’s
telecommunications system will allow Tina to send me instructions during the lecture
through speakers in the helmet. She will also be able to monitor the lecture and cut off
my microphone when I begin to ramble on⎯a frequent problem.

Teaching tool belt

The space suit I propose to wear during class has been developed by NASA specifically
to bring the benefits of space-age technology to sweaty little professors. Anticipating the
teachers’ needs, the suit has a built in chalk dispenser in the gloves, and a pointer that
extends from the right forefinger. Also, special effects include a laser beam in the helmet
that I can flash on students to “call on them” for discussion.