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ne of the most important aspects of the learning process is applying feedback provided by your instructor. For this Assignment, here is what you need to do. Review your instructor’s comments and the iRubric carefully. Revise your second essay (Essay 2, Week 5) to show that you understand and have applied the feedback provided.  (Example: Perhaps you were marked down for using second person (you): “You are exposing yourself to many dangers if you smoke.” Simply correct the error: “Smoking presents many dangers.” The sentence is now in third person.) Save your essay as follows: Smith_REVISED_Essay2. We will not use Turnitin for this Assignment since your essay was previously submitted. Please note that your essay will NOT be regraded. Your instructor will examine your paper to see if you have made the necessary corrections. If so, you will receive full credit for this Assignment. (Important: It is unlikely that you will receive partial credit for this Assignment. If you have not made the necessary corrections, your instructor might ask you to revise and resubmit before you are given full credit. Your success in this course hinges on your learning from feedback, so you must be able to demonstrate that your writing is improving as we move along in this course.) Finally, at the bottom of your essay (after your Works Cited), please respond the following questions. Do you understand your feedback?  Do you have any questions for your instructor? Do you have any problems or concerns that you would like to discuss with your instructor? Is there anything we can do to help? That’s it! Good luck and let me know if you have questions

my teacher feed back copy this but did with this instructors tell you from this 

Sherwin,  Review the rubrics for the assignments.  Your essay needs to be organized around a thesis statement.  You also must use sources from the APUS library.    There is a report like feel to this instead of a college essay because the essay topic is not sufficiently narrowed which also led probably to not enough deep research being conducted.  While when you revise this, you don’t have to redo the focus of the essay, that is something to keep in mind for your last essay . Review how to format the document per APA. There is a template to use.  There needed to be a thesis statement that listed 3-no more than 4 points that the essay would support. Each paragraph needs a topic sentence that relates to those 3-4 points listed in the thesis statement. Review paragraph organization.  [The acronym SEES may help you write a better paragraph. S = Short sentence that states the main idea. E = Explanation of the main idea in more detail. E = Example or quotation given to illustrate the main idea. S = Sum up the main idea in a way that leads to the next paragraph.]  No paragraph should begin or end with source information. Proofread for clarity. Nearly every sentence in the essay is worded unclearly. Comments attached and on the rubric.  

        

        

Sherman williams APU  Children of Thalidomide After the post-war period in America [Add comma here for clarity or to offset an afterthought from the rest of the sentence]  Europe and other parts of the world, there were many problems of lack of sleep and that led to a drug known as thalidomide getting marketed in the form of sleeping pills or tranquilizers in order to deal with the problems of no sleeping. [Awkward and vague phrasing—Please rewrite for greater clarity.]  However, that was oblivious to the problem that would result from children being born with defects [Awkward and vague phrasing—Please rewrite for greater clarity.] .  [When writing a thesis statement  some approaches are best avoided. Avoid starting sentences with “The purpose of this essay is . . .” or “In this essay I will . . .” or any similar flat announcement of your intention or topic.] This article looks at the problems that the children were born with and for them to be called ‘children of Thalidomide. The article will be rich in information (Brynner & Trent,36). Thalidomide drug was first marketed in the market of German Germany in the year 1957 and it went over the counter as a remedy due to the safety claims that it was said to be off. [Awkward and vague phrasing—Please rewrite for greater clarity.]  The product was advertised as being safe for use by all the people including child and mother. That was worsened as the drug was said to be efficient even when used in times of a mother’s pregnancy. [Awkward and vague phrasing—Please rewrite for greater clarity.]  In Australia, an obstetrician discovered that the drug would be handy for patients who were pregnant and were suffering from morning sickness that was alleviated [Awkward and vague phrasing—Please rewrite for greater clarity.] . However, what was not known is that the drug was making the unborn to have a lot of problems (Chess & Mahin,85). [The acronym SEES may help you write a better paragraph. S = Short sentence that states the main idea. E = Explanation of the main idea in more detail. E = Example or quotation given to illustrate the main idea. S = Sum up the main idea in a way that leads to the next paragraph.]  However, in the year 1961, it was discovered that the drug was leading to some problems which would be adverse and serious to the unborn. There were many birth defects in the babies that were being born. It was found that the drug was making the children to be affected as there was no normal development of the children. [Awkward and vague phrasing—Please rewrite for greater clarity.]  As a result, most of the children were being born with a problem known as phocomelia (Brynner & Trent,98). This was a problem in which the children were being born of limbs  [Awkward and vague phrasing—Please rewrite for greater clarity.] that were short, lack of them and in some instances, the limbs would be flipper-like. With worse news coming from German that about babies got affected adversely by the drug, the makes of the drug had to stop operations [Awkward and vague phrasing—Please rewrite for greater clarity.]  (Shanks & CR,Greek 58). The makers of the drug had initially ignored the health concerns that were resulting from the intake of thalidomide. However, with the cases of increased defects, the distribution of the drug was halted within the country of German. More and more countries followed so that they would stop the distribution of the drug and curb the problems that were as a result of the drug being used. [Awkward and vague phrasing—Please rewrite for greater clarity.]  By the year 1962 in March, the drug was banned in a majority of the countries that it was being distributed and sold. President John Kennedy is one of the important personalities that praised the banning of the drug as it had not gone through safety and effectiveness measures (Chess &Mahin,96). [The acronym SEES may help you write a better paragraph. S = Short sentence that states the main idea. E = Explanation of the main idea in more detail. E = Example or quotation given to illustrate the main idea. S = Sum up the main idea in a way that leads to the next paragraph.]  In conclusion, it is notable that thalidomide was banned as it had not gone through enough research that would indicate its effectiveness or even the risks that it would carry with itself as it was being used [Awkward and vague phrasing—Please rewrite for greater clarity.] . By then there were no safety measures that were being carried by bodies like FDA. Initially, as the drug was being used, there were no known clinical trials from the US which would give the drug a clean bill of health [Awkward and vague phrasing—Please rewrite for greater clarity.]  (Shanks &CR, Greek 68). Even in instances that there would be available data, it was not that reliable to show that it would deal with the many problems that were being brought by the drug. In all, it was good for the drug to be banned to avoid problems brought about to new bones. [Awkward and vague phrasing—Please rewrite for greater clarity.]   Works Cited  Brynner, Rock, and Trent D. Stephens. Dark remedy: the impact of Thalidomide and its   revival as a vital medicine. New York: Basic Books, 2001. Print. Where did you get a copy of this book? Chess, Stella, and Mahin Hassibi. Principles and Practice of Child Psychiatry. Boston, MA:   Springer US, 1986. Print. Where did you get a copy of this book? Shanks, Niall, and C R. Greek. Animal models in light of evolution. Boca Raton, Fla:   BrownWalker Press, 2009. Print. Where did you get a copy of this book?