ENG 121 Peer Review

•Please review one draft written by one classmate who has not yet received feedback. Your peer’s draft will be posted under Discussion 2 just as you have done. •Respond to your classmate, complete the “Peer-Review TemplatePreview the documentView in a new window” on his or her draft, and upload it ( format).

I have downloaded a personal essay draft from one of my classmates. i need a peer review done on her draft please use the template that i have also downloaded.

Life as an Army Brat

Life as an Military Brat

Simone Doyle

Jeremy Pilarski

ENG 121

10 December 2017

Life as an army brat, I can remember as if it were yesterday. There are many things about being a military brat that can be rewarding and also a very difficult at times. One of the most difficult times that I can remember was when I was a freshman in high school. My father was an officer in the Army so we traveled a lot, sometimes more then I wanted too. This particular time when we move back to Germany was a little harder than any of the pervious moves. I was getting ready to start high school at yet a different school this year. This would make three within a six month period.

It was a cold January morning; I was not very excited about starting school at another school. I was dragging, barely able to move. I think that I wasn’t mentally prepared for the whole process of what was in store for me. Making new friends is something that I was becoming accustomed to although I wasn’t particularly looking forward to it. I got up that cold January morning, got dressed just like any other day, and had breakfast as I waited for the bus to come something that I have done 50 times. With all the moving it was something that my parents and I had become accustomed too. My parents knew that something was wrong this cold January morning; they both said I didn’t seem like my happy go lucky self. As I headed to the elevator, I can remember my parents saying their “goodbyes”, I left out of the door, tears running down my face as I waited for the elevator to come. Once the doors of the elevator opened, I got inside yelling at my parents in general but it was directed towards my father. I will never forget those words that I yelled, I told my father that I hated him for making us move all over again, and if he had to move again that I wouldn’t move with him. As I got out of the elevator, tears still running down my face, as the minutes went on; my eyes became redder and swelled up. Once the elevator had reached the bottom floor, I got out of the elevator; my face was still wet from the tears. Walking out the door to the bus stop proved to be a challenge within itself. As I stood at the bus stop, I looked around and all I saw was unfamiliar faces. I felt so lost, waiting for the bus, seemed to last for hours was in reality only a few minutes. The bus finally came, was this day going to get any easier or was it going to be more difficult once I got to school.

On the bus ride to the school, I was trying to figure out why I had acted that way and why I was so disrespectful to my father, something that I normally would have never been. It was totally unclear why I had acted this way. I had never made a big deal about going to a different school. I continued to ask myself why I felt as though this time was more difficult than any other time before, the only reason that I could come up with was the fact that I was a freshman, and thought that it was going to be harder to make friends, or was it because I had to make friends all over again, and meet a new faculty. Still not knowing the true reason why, I got onto the bus, and just looked out the window. When the bus finally arrived at the high school, I felt more confused than when I actually got onto the bus. For some reason I didn’t think my day was going to get any easier, I wasn’t prepared to what was coming.

To my surprise when we pulled up to the high school, all I could see was this big sign in front of the building. That sign read, “Hanau American High School” home of the Hanau Panthers. It was a huge building that had two different stories, something that was totally unfamiliar to me. Little did I know that this school would have such a huge impact on my life? This school wasn’t like most schools; because it was a military school on base, it had much younger students in it as well. This school was considered to be a high school although it had middle school students in it as well. The different grades ranged from 7th through 12th.

Hanau American High School was located in Hanau, Germany on a military base named Pioneer Kaserne, which was the home of the 130th Combat Engineer Brigade as well as Yorkhof, Hutier, and Francois Kasernes. There were many Kasernes (bases) within the area some of which included Fliegerhorst home of the 4th Aviation Brigade, Buedingen home of the M-1 and A-1 Abrams, and Kiowa Warrior reconnaissance helicopters (Globalsecurity).

ENG 121 –

Peer Review Template

Week Three Discussion: Peer Review

As part of the writing process, you are expected to reflect on your work and revise and edit accordingly. It is also useful to establish a community of learners in which you help edit and proofread each other’s papers. This reciprocal process will help you identify areas of strength and weakness in others’ writing as well as reflect on your own work and perhaps discover similar mistakes. For this week, you will be performing a peer review on your Personal Essay – Draft before you submit it to your instructor on Day 7.
For this discussion, please either (a) upload your paper ( format) as a new thread with your name and title of paper, or (b) create a new thread in which you copy and paste your essay into the body of your post. The draft you share with your peers needs to be at least two double-spaced pages in length.  After posting your draft, you will perform one peer review in which you will complete the “

Peer Review Template” and upload it as file. Please review a paper written by a classmate who has not yet received feedback.

GENERAL

· What did the writer do well in the essay? Please be specific.

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THESIS

· How does the writer indicate that it will be a personal essay? Is there a clear thesis? Describe how features of the essay and thesis work and/or need work.

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· Do all major points relate back to the thesis statement? In short, does the writer seem to go off topic in places? If so, how? (In other words, is the paper unified and are all points related?) If not, suggest ways to correct.

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ORGANIZATION/STRUCTURE

· List the use of transition words and phrases that show chronology or shifts in topic. Are additional transitions needed? If so, where?

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· Indicate where the writer uses features like concrete language, tone, or abstract language effectively.

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· Does the writer provide enough description, dialogue or narration so that you can

easily infer the thesis or controlling idea for the essay? Where might the writer include more dialogue, narration, or description?

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EDITING

· Suggest at least one item the writer might add to this essay.

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· Suggest at least one item the writer might remove from this essay.

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CONCLUSION

· Is the concluding paragraph effective? If so, why? If it is not effective, what can be done?

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After completing this template, copy and paste your responses to the discussion board. Your response should be posted as a reply to the original thread for the essay that you reviewed.