ENG 121 Journal 4

This week, you continue writing your journal entries. This journal is designed to give you practice in academic writing, which is very different from the personal essay writing that you have been practicing. Academic writing entails making a point and supporting that point with information from a reputable source. There are three ways to support a point with information from a source: quoting, paraphrasing, or summarizing. This week, you will practice summarizing a source and citing that source in your journal entry. Please be sure to read and review the “Example Journal Entry – Summarizing (Links to an external site.)Links to an external site.” document, which shows how summaries can be integrated. Note: The journal assignment should not be confused with a personal journal. This activity requires organization, effective stylistics and grammar, and proper source incorporation. It is not a free-writing or reflective writing exercise. The personal essay we have read this week, “Consider the Lobster (Links to an external site.)Links to an external site.” uses narrative and/or descriptive elements (sections 6.3 and 6.4 in Essentials of College Writing), and each has a clear purpose. Write about one of the essays assigned in this week’s readings. In 250 to 500 words •State the purpose of the essay. •Describe one descriptive writing pattern being used in the essay (refer to section 6.4 in Essentials of College Writing). •Explain why you think that descriptive writing pattern is used well by the writer. Incorporate a summary from the essay and properly cite the essay. •Explain how you plan to use the same descriptive writing pattern in your personal essay.

Please use the APA template that i have downloaded.

Runninghead: TITLE OF PAPER

Title of Your Essay

Your Name

Course Number & Title

Instructor’s Name

Month Day, Year

TITLE OF PAPER 2

Title of Your Essay

Start the first paragraph here. It should introduce your reader to the subject you are

writing about, as well as your particular position or claim. Before you can create your first

paragraph, consider these “pre-writing” tips. You can use this template to help you format your

paper. For longer papers, include sub-headings or levels of heading.

The writing process

Spend time planning your paper. A good practice is to brainstorm ideas and decide how

to express the main idea or thesis. Once you have a rough idea of what you want to say or argue,

create an outline or list to help you organize the evidence you plan to present. For more

suggestions, please read about thesis statements on our Ashford Writing Center website: Thesis

Statements. Other helpful tools on our website are the Thesis Generator and Moving from

Prompt to Thesis.

Writing the body paragraphs

Each paragraph of your assignment should be clear and easy to follow. We have several

good resources to help you write a strong paragraph, such as How to Write a Good Paragraph

and the P.I.E. Paragraph Structure.

Using citations correctly

In addition to being well-written, each paragraph should include an in-text citation to all

ideas, references, or quotations that are from outside sources and research. The Ashford Writing

Center provides many resources to help you follow correct citation style (primarily APA) and

gives lessons and examples of how to paraphrase and cite sources. The APA Key Elements page

is a good place to start.

https://awc.ashford.edu/cd-formatting-headings%20in-apa-style.html

https://awc.ashford.edu/writing-tools-outline.html

https://awc.ashford.edu/essay-dev-thesis-statements.html

https://awc.ashford.edu/writing-tools-thesis-generator.html

https://awc.ashford.edu/essay-dev-prompt-to-thesis-handout.html

https://awc.ashford.edu/essay-dev-good-paragraph.html

https://awc.ashford.edu/essay-dev-pie-paragraph.html

https://awc.ashford.edu/cd-in-text-citation-guide.html

https://awc.ashford.edu/cd-guidelines-for-quoting.html

https://awc.ashford.edu/cd-apa-key-elements.html

TITLE OF PAPER 3

References

The following are commonly used references. Please fill in the required information, and if you

need more help, see the AWC References page. References are listed in alphabetical order.

Ashford Textbook (Online edition): *

Author, A. (Year published). Title of book: Subtitle of book (edition, if other than the first)

[Electronic version]. Retrieved from from URL

Example:
Witt, G. A., & Mossler, R. A. (2010). Adult development and life assessment [Electronic

version]. Retrieved from https://content.ashford.edu/books/4

Online Journal Article (such as from the Ashford Library):**

Author, A. (Year Published). Article title. Journal Name, Volume(Issue), page range. doi:# or

Retrieved from journal’s homepage URL

**When including a URL for an online journal, you must search for the journal’s home page and

include this in your reference entry. You may not include the URL found through your

university library, as readers will not have access to this library.

Examples:
Churchill, S. D., & Mruk, C. J. (2014). Practicing what we preach in humanistic and positive

psychology. American Psychologist, 69(1), 90-92. doi:10.1037/a0034868

Santovec, M. (2008). Easing the transition improves grad retention at Trinity U. Women in

Higher Education, 17(10), 32. Retrieved from

https://awc.ashford.edu/cd-apa-references-list.html

TITLE OF PAPER 4

http://www.trinitydc.edu/education/files/2010/09/Women_in_higher_

Ed_Trinity_Transistions_10_08

Online Magazine:*

Author, A. (Year, Month Date Published). Article title. Magazine Title. Retrieved from URL

Example:
Walk, V. (2013, April 29). Can this woman fix Europe? Time. Retrieved from

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,213969.html

YouTube Video:*

Author, A. [Screen name]. (Year, Month, Day). Title of video [Video file]. Retrieved from URL

Example:
Apsolon, M. [markapsolon]. (2011, September 9). Real ghost girl caught on video tape 14

[Video file]. Retrieved from http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6nyGCbxD848

Web Page:*

Author, A. (Year, Month, Date Published). Article title. Retrieved from URL

Example—Corporate web page:
U.S. Department of Labor, Bureau of Labor Statistics. (2008). Police and detectives. Retrieved

from http://bls.gov/oco/pdf/ocos160

Example—Article or section within web page with no author:
Presentation tools. (n.d.). Retrieved from http://web2014.discoveryeducation.com/web20tools-

presentation.cfm

*Please delete the headers and notes in this document before submitting your assignment.

Writing is a form of personal freedom. It frees us from the mass
identity we see in the making all around us. In the end, writers will
write not to be outlaw heroes of some underculture but mainly to save
themselves, to survive as individuals.

—Don DeLillo

Learning Objectives

After reading this chapter, you
should be able to:

1. Explain the purpose of a personal
writing essay.

2. Recognize the different types of per-
sonal essays.

3. Identify the different components of
a personal writing assignment, such
as point of view, structure, tone, and
language usage.

4. Create personal essays that are aware
of the audience, have a strong plot,
have a clear point, use concrete
language, and properly incorporate
dialogue.

5. Generate essays with great descrip-
tions by being specific, appealing to
the senses, selecting the right details,
and utilizing comparisons.

6Personal Writing

©Deborah Harrison/Photographer’s
Choice/Getty Images

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CHAPTER 6Section

6.1 What Is Personal Writing?

As you have learned, there are four primary types of college writing: personal, expository,
persuasive/argument, and research assignments. You are probably familiar with personal
papers because they are frequently assigned in elementary and high school. For instance,
you may have written a paper describing what you did on your summer vacation, or you
may have shared your impressions of a book you read or a movie you saw. In college,
you will occasionally be asked to write a personal reflection or essay on a defined topic.
Although personal papers may not be the most common type of writing assignment you
will encounter in your college classes, you will most likely have some personal or narra-
tive writing assignments in your courses, and many of your academic papers will be com-
bination papers in which you must take a personal position on an issue. Perhaps you have
composed an essay about a significant person or event in your life or a paper reflecting on
your personal goals or what a college education means to you. Papers such as these can
be defined as personal papers. Developing a personal position on a subject can help you
clarify ideas, practice logical skills, and exercise your reasoning abilities.

6.1 What Is Personal Writing?

Personal writing may share a personal experience or perspec-tive, and it can be an effective
method for offering a viewpoint on
a text or an event. Writing from the
personal perspective may also allow
a writer to write more freely than he
or she otherwise would because it is
less burdened by formal conventions
than other types of writing. Personal
writing includes opinion papers,
reflective papers, response papers,
creative writing assignments, and
combination papers.

Ingram Publishing/Thinkstock
Personal writing allows you the freedom to express your
own ideas, thoughts, and beliefs in a creative manner,
often without having to adhere to the structure or
conventions of other writing styles.

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CHAPTER 6Section 6.1 What Is Personal Writing?

The Purpose of Personal Writing
Personal papers are usually written to accomplish one of the following purposes:

• Tell a story;
• Share a personal experience;
• Give a personal interpretation of an event;
• Describe a person, place, object, or event;
• Express personal feelings or opinions on a subject; or
• Entertain or provoke the audience.

When you write a personal paper, you express your own thoughts, ideas, and opinions
about a subject. Writing in Action: Week 2 Essay: Literary Elements illustrates questions that
could be asked for a personal paper on a film.

Writing in Action: Week 2 Essay: Literary Elements

Consider an interesting movie you have seen recently. Prepare a three-page paper about that movie
based on the following questions:

1. Keeping in mind what you have learned in class thus far about literary elements, what does
this movie mean to you?

2. What is this movie really about?
3. Is there a “moral to the story,” a theme to be explored, or a comment to think about?
4. What is the point of the movie?
5. Did you find this movie meaningful for you personally? Why or why not?

Recognizing Personal Writing Assignments
Personal papers can sometimes allow you to think through your position on a topic and
even aid you in writing an expository, persuasive, argumentative, or research paper. Many
of the required papers in your college courses will be combination papers that are a blend
of personal papers and one or more of the other types of college writing. Let us look at
some assignments that fall into the category of personal papers or have personal writing
components, as well as some that do not.

When It Is Not Personal
If a prompt is asking you to write an analysis, interpretation, objective account, or a
research paper, it is likely not asking you to write a personal essay or to integrate personal
elements. A prompt will clearly indicate that it is asking you to incorporate elements of
personal writing by asking you to discuss your feelings, experiences, memories, impres-
sions, or perspective. Ask yourself whether the assignment in any way is about you as a
person—if it is, then you should include personal elements, and if it is not, then no per-
sonal elements should be used. Table 6.1 provides a list of words in an essay prompt that

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CHAPTER 6Section 6.1 What Is Personal Writing?

would signal that the essay is not personal (but make sure it is not a combination essay
and doesn’t ask you to relate something from your personal life. See the examples given
in the sections “Opinion Papers” and “Combination Papers”).

Table 6.1: Key words in an essay prompt that signal nonpersonal writing

Give an objective account . . .

Assess the factual circumstances . . .

Offer an interpretation . . .

Produce a reading. . .

Research the historical underpinnings of . . .

Evaluate the consequences of the newly passed legislation . . .

Argue for the significance of the text’s theme of justice . . .

Keep in mind that Table 6.1 is not a complete list; look for terms in the writing prompt that
gesture toward objectivity or reasoned interpretation. If you are unsure whether or not
a prompt allows for any personal elements whatsoever, ask your instructor, but bear in
mind that the prompt will explicitly ask for this if it is what is required of you. The follow-
ing Writing in Action box, Personal Paper Assignments, provides examples of paper prompts
that specifically ask the writer to compose a personal paper.

Writing in Action: Personal Paper Assignments

You can recognize a personal paper assignment by key words or phrases in the assignment that ask
you for your opinion or your views on a subject. Key words and action verbs are underlined in the
following examples:

• Write about an experience in which you struggled with something and were unsuccessful and
discuss what you learned from the experience.

• Explain what you think about a current scientific or social controversy.
• Reflect on a person who had a strong impact on your life and the ways in which he or she

influenced you.
• Imagine that you have unlimited wealth and write about what you would do with your money

and why.
• What do you think has been the most important social or political movement of the 20th

century?

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CHAPTER 6Section 6.1 What Is Personal Writing?

Opinion Papers
Opinion papers express the writer’s point of view or opinion on a specific topic. They
may be personal papers if you are asked simply to give your opinion on an issue and
explain your point of view. An opinion is a personal viewpoint on a subject that may or
may not be supported with facts or evidence. However, if you are required to state your
opinion and then argue that point of view, your paper will be a combination of personal
and persuasive writing. This would be a hybrid paper that asks you to incorporate both
personal reflection and logical, nonpersonal argumentation. If you are writing this kind
of paper, you should keep the personal and argumentative sections of the paper separate
in order to show how your personal reflections contributed to your argument. This will
also help ensure that you include an argumentative, nonpersonal section to your paper.
For example, an opinion assignment may ask you to write an essay in which you discuss
whether or not you think you should buy products from a company who gives money to
something you do not personally support.

Reflective Papers
Personal papers may also be assigned when your instructors want you to think about
something you have read and to respond to it or discuss its meaning for you; these assign-
ments are often called reflective papers. However, if an assignment asks you to reflect,
discuss, or explain something, be careful. The words reflect, discuss, and explain all have
multiple meanings.

We reflect on something when we think about it and express our personal opinion or share
a personal story. However, the word reflect can also mean to carefully consider something
or to explore options. Instead of voicing your own opinion, a reflective paper assignment
may be asking you to consider an issue, to analyze a situation, or to explore options, based
on what you have learned in the course. This type of assignment requires an expository
paper, which we will discuss in Chapter 8. Similarly, if an assignment asks you to discuss
or explain an issue, you must look further at the assignment to determine whether you
are being asked to write a personal paper that discusses or explains your own opinion
or whether you are being asked to share information you have learned from your text or
from research. A reflective paper, for instance, may ask you to read an article on a current
event and then to reflect on the position stated there.

Response Papers
When you are asked to respond to material you have read by expressing your personal
opinion on a topic or to reflect on what you have read and share its meaning for you, your
instructors are looking for a specific type of response from you. Responses to reading,
like other personal papers, require that you state your opinion on an issue or reflect on
an issue and state your viewpoint about it, and they are written in first person. However,
unlike other personal papers, you do not choose the subject. Before you write a response,
you have most likely read about or discussed a controversial topic. A response paper usu-
ally requires you to think about the different points of view expressed in the material you
read or discussed and to take a personal stand on the issue. Because a response paper asks
you to begin by demonstrating that you understand the issue, it is usually best to begin
with the more objective third person. Notice that this is very different from the suggested
format discussed earlier for the combination personal and research paper.

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CHAPTER 6Section 6.1 What Is Personal Writing?

In this type of paper, you generally begin by presenting a brief overview of the issue
and the different viewpoints presented, to demonstrate that you understand both the
issue itself and the controversy surrounding it. This first part of the paper is expository
(see Chapter 8) and should therefore be written in third person. Then, you will switch
to a first-person point of view and share your opinion of the issue and state where you
stand on the issue. This part of the paper requires personal writing. Finally, you must
support your point of view by stating why you believe as you do and how you came to
adopt this perspective. Discuss what factors were most important to you in arriving at
a conclusion about the issue.

As you can see, papers that ask you to respond to reading share all the characteristics
of other personal papers outlined earlier in this chapter, but they also require that you
explore and explain your opinion, which is often a way to introduce you to expository
writing. A response paper could ask you to read two positions on the creation of constitu-
tional amendments—one for and one against—and then to develop a personal response
that indicates your viewpoint.

Creative Writing Assignments
The term creative writing refers to written works or artistic expressions whose purpose
is to create images or to express thoughts or feelings. It can also include information and
an implied or direct position. Creative writing can be considered personal writing and
includes genres, or categories, of writing such as short stories, novels, poetry, screenplays,
and creative nonfiction like biographies and memoirs. You may engage in creative writ-
ing as part of your college career if you take a dedicated creative writing course, if one
of your other courses has an assignment that involves creative writing, or if you decide
to pursue creative writing as an extracurricular activity. Journaling, and idea-generating
techniques like mind mapping and free-writing, covered in Chapter 4, are also examples
of personal creative writing.

Combination Papers
A combination paper may require you to combine elements of personal, expository, per-
suasive or argument, and research papers. For example, you may have an assignment
that asks you to state your opinion on a controversial issue (personal) and then to con-
duct research and find evidence both in support of and in opposition to your viewpoint
(research). This type of assignment combines elements of personal and research writing
in the same paper. In a combination paper such as this, you will write in first person
when you are stating your personal opinion and then switch to third person when you
report the information you found in your research. This would be an appropriate format
if the assignment asks you to first convey your personal opinion and then to lay out and
develop your reasoning afterward. The first person “I” is not appropriate when you dis-
cuss research because research is not personal but rather an objective interpretation. This
means that while others may have a different interpretation of the same research, it is not
“personal” to state your interpretation—therefore, the first person “I” is inappropriate. A
combination paper could ask you to do research about the extent to which American citi-
zens should have the freedom of speech before it begins to infringe on the rights of others
and then to formulate a viewpoint on this subject using the first person.

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CHAPTER 6Section

6.2 Personal Writing Conventions

Before responding to a personal writing assignment, it is important to understand how to construct a personal paper. Personal writing generally calls for writing conventions that differ from those used in other types of writing, such as argument and exposi-
tion. For example, the tone, language, and structure used in a personal paper are often more
informal than in other paper types. The following sections will help guide you in choosing
the proper tone, language, point of view, and structure for writing a personal paper.

Tone and Language
Personal papers are generally written in a less formal, or even conversational, tone, and
the use of contractions and other types of informal language is often allowed, if it is appro-
priate to the story or the topic. Personal papers might also include dialogue, which should
be placed in quotation marks. However, it is important to remember that you are writing
for an academic audience and that the essay prompt may require you to include an intro-
duction and a thesis statement that makes a claim about the personal experience you
describe. The language in personal writing assignments should be appropriate, and the
paper must meet the writing requirements outlined in your course guide or syllabus. If
you are unsure of the type of language that is appropriate for a particular writing assign-
ment, make sure that you ask your instructor.

Point of View
Because you are sharing your personal viewpoint
on a subject, a personal paper is usually written
from a first-person point of view, which means you
are able to use pronouns such as I, me, my, we, and
our. However, personal papers are often narrative
and tell a story. In your paper, you might also tell
a story about another person. In this instance, as
the narrator, you would write from a third-person
point of view and refer to the person by name or
use the pronouns he, she, or they. This creates the
effect of a more distant narrator, one who seems to
be more objective precisely because the paper does
not use the first person “I” and therefore does not
seem to be speaking from personal opinion. Your
instructor will not likely ask you to write a creative
writing piece such as a short story, but the follow-
ing fiction excerpt from Mark Twain’s The Adven-
tures of Huckleberry Finn (1895) includes several of
the key elements of a personal paper. Read Writing
in Action: Excerpt From The Adventures of Huckle-
berry Finn for an example of how Twain employs a

Pantheon/SuperStock
The chosen style of narration can have
a significant effect on the tone and
effectiveness of personal writing. Mark
Twain’s Huckleberry Finn is defined by
the potentially unreliable narration of its
young and uneducated title character.

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CHAPTER 6Section 6.2 Personal Writing Conventions

first-person point of view to create a narrative from the perspective of a young boy growing
up in the antebellum South. In the excerpt, Huck is trying to decide if he should do what he
believes to be his duty and mail a letter reporting the whereabouts of Jim, who has escaped
from slavery.

Writing in Action: Excerpt From The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn

I felt good and all washed clean of sin for the first time I had ever felt so in my life, and I knowed I could
pray now. But I didn’t do it straight off, but laid the paper down and set there thinking—thinking how
good it was all this happened so, and how near I come to being lost and going to hell. And went on
thinking. And got to thinking over our trip down the river; and I see Jim before me all the time: in the
day and in the night-time, sometimes moonlight, sometimes storms, and we a-floating along, talking
and singing and laughing. But somehow I couldn’t seem to strike no places to harden me against him,
but only the other kind. I’d see him standing my watch on top of his’n, ‘stead of calling me, so I could
go on sleeping; and see him how glad he was when I come back out of the fog; and when I come to
him again in the swamp, up there where the feud was; and such-like times; and would always call me
honey, and pet me and do everything he could think of for me, and how good he always was; and at
last I struck the time I saved him by telling the men we had small-pox aboard, and he was so grateful,
and said I was the best friend old Jim ever had in the world, and the only one he’s got now; and then I
happened to look around and see that paper.

It was a close place. I took it up, and held it in my hand. I was a-trembling, because I’d got to decide,
forever, betwixt two things, and I knowed it. I studied a minute, sort of holding my breath, and then
says to myself:

“All right, then, I’ll go to hell”—and tore it up.

Structure and Supporting Ideas
Personal papers are read sequentially from beginning to end, and frequently narrate
events or circumstances in chronological order, as they would occur logically in time.
Personal papers do not usually contain headings to divide one section of the paper from
another (if you were writing a novel or short story, however, it would be appropriate to
divide up your thoughts according to organized chapters or sections). Your intent should
be to capture the reader’s attention at the very beginning of the paper and to carry the
reader along with you, in a clear and organized way, through the end of the paper. All
good personal papers share some common features. They have a suitable topic articulated
over the course of several paragraphs, and they anticipate a reader’s desire for context,
information, and development. Consider what would be interesting to you as a reader
and what kinds of details and information you look for when you read a piece of personal
writing. What allows you as a reader to stay engaged with personal writing?

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CHAPTER 6Section

6.3 Narrative Writing Pattern

N
arration is storytelling from the perspective of a narrator, and the story may be
true, false, imaginary, or a combination. A narration can be about past, present, or
future events, and it can be short or the length of a novel—it is important to note

that more complex narrative forms of writing frequently combine a variety of time frames.
For the purposes of your own writing, which will usually consist of a short assignment
of approximately two to five pages, it is ideal to narrate from the perspective of one time
frame. The event, or plot, of the narration may come from your own personal experience,
or it may be a hypothetical situation or an event that you imagine. If the assignment states
that you can make up a hypothetical or imaginary situation, then that is assumed and is
fair to do so in your writing. However, if the assignment calls for a narrative based on
something that actually occurred, be sure to select an actual event and stick to the facts of
that event in writing your paper.

The Purpose of Narrative
The purpose of a narrative may be simply to entertain or engage the reader, or the story
might have a more specific purpose such as to share a personally significant event or to
teach a lesson, or moral. When we tell a story using a narration strategy, we attempt to
bring the subject and the events to life for readers so that they can share in the experience
and the emotions of the experience. To accomplish this goal, we must make sure to incor-
porate certain important elements in the narrative. Most of us remember being told sto-
ries as children, and we love a good story that holds our interest. We have also probably
known someone who is a poor storyteller, who rambles on or gives too much detail, who
goes off track, or who ruins the ending. For our narration to have impact, we must tell a
story that grabs and holds the audience’s attention, provides important and appropriate
details, and discusses events in a clear and well-organized sequence.

Consider the Audience
When you write narrative papers, remember to think about the writing situation and con-
sider the purpose and the audience for your paper. You might be interested in the topic, but
is it appropriate for the assignment you have been given and for an academic audience?
Also consider aspects of the rhetorical context such as the backgrounds and the attitudes of
the audience. Anticipate how the audience is likely to react to your narrative. Will they like
or dislike what you write? How do you want them to feel when they have read the story?
Answers to these questions can help you determine what to write and how to write it.

Develop the Thesis
Review Chapter 5 for information on how to construct an effective thesis. Recall that a the-
sis statement is a claim that the writer must argue and prove over the course of an essay.
All good narrations make a point and have a clear purpose. Do not leave readers wonder-
ing, “So what?” after they have read your paper. Make sure that they understand the sig-
nificance of your story and the primary idea you want to share with them. In other words,
why is the story important? If the assignment is asking you to articulate your personal
position, then you should write a thesis that will suggest why your position is important.

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CHAPTER 6Section 6.3 Narrative Writing Pattern

In this case, you would also write topic sentences that link up with the thesis statement
and claims that interpret evidence. However, if you are writing fiction or a short narrative,
it usually will not contain a direct thesis statement, and will likely convey significance in
the story through the articulation of a key theme or concept that the story builds toward
and resolves to some extent. If your story has a message such as a lesson or a moral, also
make sure that the message is clear to the reader either through an explicit argument (in
the form of a thesis and well-argued paragraphs) or an implicit argument (through the
careful structuring of a theme or issue).

Develop the Plot
As you learned earlier, plot is the order, or sequence, of events that unfold in your story. It
is crucial that you organize these events so that, by the end of the story, they make sense
to the reader and build up to a crucial moment in the narrative. Your story should have
some creative tension, and decisions about how to organize events often depend on how
you want to incorporate that creative tension into the story.

Creative tension is the stress and interest created when a story has an unresolved prob-
lem or disagreement, a decision that must be made, or a dilemma or conflict that must be
resolved. Without creative tension, a story is boring. Stories that incorporate creative ten-
sion capture and hold our interest. You build tension when your story includes surprising
events, when an action leads to an unexpected consequence, or when factors complicate
an issue and must be sorted out before they can be resolved. Include creative tension such
as this in your narrative and carefully consider when to reveal key information and when
to hold it back. Also make certain to resolve that creative tension by the end of your story.
It is a careful balancing act: too much creative tension could result in undercommunica-
tion with the audience, but revealing everything will likely make the story a bit dull.

Anticipate and Answer Possible Reader Questions
When telling a story, do not leave your readers hanging by failing to answer important
questions they may have while they read. As you create your narrative, anticipate what
readers will need to know and include this information in the story. Remember what your
needs are as a reader of a narrative and try to take that into consideration as you write. For
instance, it is likely that you appreciate the appropriate context, background, and enough
content to understand what is happening in the narrative, so you should assume your
readers will as well.

Use Language and Dialogue Effectively
Effective personal writing includes using specific, concrete language that allows the audi-
ence to imagine with their senses. A writer’s use of dialogue can enrich a personal narra-
tive or creative story.

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CHAPTER 6Section 6.3 Narrative Writing Pattern

Concrete Language
Words can be categorized as either abstract or concrete. Abstract words such as freedom,
peace, love, and success have no physical substance; we cannot see, hear, touch, smell, or
taste them. Concrete words, on the other hand, represent people, places, and things we
can see, hear, touch, smell, or taste. Concrete words such as book, child, apple, and ice are
specific and tangible, and they represent physical objects rather than ideas, qualities,
or concepts. They conjure up pictures in our minds of our own experiences with these
objects. Good narration often utilizes the writing pattern of description, discussed later
in this chapter, to ensure that readers have a clear mental picture of the story’s setting or
scene and its characters. Try to paint pictures by using concrete words that describe physi-
cal objects and people and help readers visualize or imagine what you want them to see.

Effective Dialogue
In narration, dialogue is a verbal exchange between two or more characters in a text. You
can make characters come to life and give them personalities by incorporating dialogue in
your narration and letting them tell the story in their own words. Writing dialogue effec-
tively takes practice. It is useful to look at examples of dialogue in texts to see how it oper-
ates. Notice the dialogue in James McBride’s autobiographical narrative “Shul/School”:

One afternoon I came home from school and cornered Mommy while she
was cooking dinner. “Ma, what’s a tragic mulatto?” I asked.

Anger flashed across her face like lightning and her nose, which tends to
redden and swell in anger, blew up like a balloon. ‘Where’d you hear that?’
she asked.

“I read it in a book.”

“For God’s sake, you’re no tragic mul—What book is this?”

“Just a book I read.”

“Don’t read that book anymore.” She sucked her teeth. “Tragic mulatto.
What a stupid thing to call somebody! Somebody called you that?”

“No.”

“Don’t ever use that term.”

“Am I black or white?”

“You’re a human being,” she snapped. “Educate yourself or you’ll be a
nobody!” (McBride, 1996/2008, p. 482)

In this excerpt from “Schul/School,” dialogue serves to directly confront the issue of race
as it is experienced by McBride. This dialogue conveys to the reader what the experience
may have felt like from the viewpoint of McBride as a child, not McBride the adult who
is reflecting back on the experience. If McBride had written this from the perspective of

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CHAPTER 6Section 6.3 Narrative Writing Pattern

an adult narrating this experience in paragraph form, it simply would not be as powerful.
Here, the dialogue form allows us as readers to feel as if we are part of the moment, won-
dering how someone could be called a “mulatto,” and how that differs from McBride’s
own sense of himself.

Maintain Clear Narrative Order
Writers use a number of different strategies to organize information and, often, the choice
of how to organize is based on your judgment of what would be most effective. Below
are some organizational strategies to consider as you plan your paper and present the
material. You are not required to use one of these arrangements; just be sure that your
paper flows well and is organized logically. As described in Chapter 5, two of the possible
ways of organizing a narrative are chronological order and spatial order. Events arranged in
a chronological order are organized by time, and may start with the earliest event and go
forward in time to the present or start from the present and go backward in time. Infor-
mation arranged according to spatial order is organized by direction—for example, left
to right, north to south, or up to down. A third organizational structure that has great
significance for narrative is dramatic order or structure.

The dramatic structure is common in many short stories, novels, screenplays, and other
types of creative writing. It can also be used effectively in your personal papers. The dra-
matic structure has five elements, which are described below:

1. the opening paragraphs, which establish the setting and characters and intro-
duce the situation that contains the creative tension;

2. the rising action, which takes up the majority of the story and includes the
interaction and/or dialogue between the characters, the building of tension,
and the introduction of other elements of the story;

3. the climax or turning point, the moment in which the conflict comes into sharp
focus and is resolved;

4. the falling action, or aftermath, where the rest of the story falls into place; and
5. the concluding paragraphs or sections, where some of the loose ends are wrapped

up and the story is brought to a close. Note that you do not need to resolve
everything, and in fact trying to do so might sound reductive. You should,
however, provide some resolution to the main concern of the narrative.

See Writing Sample: Soccer Personal Essay for an example of the personal soccer paper we
began in Chapters 4 and 5. Notice how each paragraph focuses on one main idea that sup-
ports the thesis, while the author also maintains a clear narrative order using the chrono-
logical arrangement to lead the reader from her early experiences playing soccer to how
soccer has made her the person she is today.

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CHAPTER 6Section 6.3 Narrative Writing Pattern

Writing Sample: Soccer Personal Essay

What is the most fulfilling part about playing competitive soccer? Perhaps you guessed winning tro-
phies, adrenaline highs, or staying in great shape. But in my experience, bonding with teammates and
learning how to be a true team player tops the list. Thinking back on my many years as a soccer player, I
have realized how important the game of soccer has been in developing my greatest friendships, along
with a positive attitude towards teamwork that has in turn influenced other aspects of my life. Playing
soccer has caused me to grow as a person, influencing my values and the outlook on life I have today.

For one thing, soccer has helped me to make friendships that have lasted throughout the stages of
my life. I remember loving soccer from day one, even if I barely understood the concept of the game.
When I was just 6 years old, my mother signed me up for a local AYSO team (American Youth Soccer
Organization) that played around the corner from our church. I had always been a spunky and ener-
getic little girl, preferring to climb trees rather than play with Barbie dolls, but soccer brought out
something new in me. Suddenly, I had to learn the rules of the game, and to learn how to work with
a bunch of other girls that I just met. In that first year or two, it was all about being together with my
teammates, kicking around the small black-and-white ball, wondering what we would eat for snack
time, and pulling up grass with our fingers. Luckily, a couple of those girls grew into two of my best
friends. Now that we are starting our own families, we can think back on those days and get excited
about signing up our own children for soccer one day.

Continuing to play soccer throughout my life has also taught me a great deal about what it means to
work hard and work as a team. Unlike some of the girls from AYSO, I kept playing soccer in middle
school and high school and beyond, and it was during these years that soccer began to challenge me
and shape me. Many people don’t realize the incredible commitment that is required when you play
a competitive team sport. First, there’s the fact that you practice almost every day, which is physically
draining. When I would return home from a long day of school and soccer practice, that’s when my
homework and chores would only just begin. But in order to be at your peak condition and help your
team when they need you on the field, you have to find the time and energy to handle it all. Spending
so much time with the girls on my team taught us how to function as a unit. We knew we could count
on each other, whether it was to show up for practice on time, help defend our goal during a game,
or grab an ice pack for a teammate’s injury. Being a team player isn’t something that I left behind on
the high school soccer field. When our son Toby was born 3 years ago, my husband Jayden and I had
to support one another more than ever before, juggling our family, jobs, and finances. Like soccer,
becoming a parent has been the ultimate challenge and yet so rewarding at the same time.

Soccer has also allowed me to have a familiar path toward fitness and wellness that I can take any
time that I begin to feel out of shape or unhealthy. Now that I’m in my thirties and am raising my first
child, it hasn’t always been easy to find time to exercise, or to make my health a priority. But while
I’m shorter on time than ever these days, soccer taught me to value my dedication to physical activity
and health. So a year after Toby was born, I joined a local adult team, partly to try to lose some of the
baby weight and get back into shape. Now, my old jeans are finally starting to fit again, and I made
friends with another new mom whose son is the same age as mine. When I could easily have been
overwhelmed by new responsibilities and put my health on the back burner, my soccer background
helped me stay disciplined and focused.

(continued)

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CHAPTER 6Section

6.4 Descriptive Writing Pattern

D
escription is a pattern of
writing that can be defined
as painting pictures with

words. When we describe a person,
place, object, or event, we provide
details about its physical characteris-
tics. As we discussed earlier, descrip-
tion and narration are often used
together because description helps
make the story we are narrating
clearer and more vivid.

The Purpose of Description
Effective description requires using
carefully chosen language that creates
the visual image you want readers to
have of your story’s subject. However,
you can use description in other types
of writing besides narration. For example, in a persuasive paper (which will be discussed in
Chapter 7), you might use description to help readers understand the seriousness of a prob-
lem before you attempt to convince them to take action to solve that problem.

Use Specific Language
To be descriptive, use specific terms and avoid vague and general words. Break the poor
writing habit of using vague, informal “catch all” words such as things, stuff, and lots of.
Instead of writing “I have lots of music stuff and other things in my room,” be specific and
name each object or write a general statement and then expand it by specifically naming
the various objects. For instance, you might write, “I have several musical instruments
in my room including a guitar, a saxophone, and a set of drums, along with my radio
and portable media player.” In all forms of writing, avoid using passive voice, forms of

Pixtal/SuperStock
Descriptive writing avoids general words in favor of the
specific. It is far more effective to describe your individual
instruments than to refer generally to your musical
equipment.

Writing Sample: Soccer Personal Essay (continued)

Overall, I would not be the person I am today without the years I spent playing competitive soc-
cer. Not only did I learn to love the game itself, but I also learned how to make friends, be part of
team, balance my time, and stay positive and healthy in multiple aspects of my life. While I’m sure I
could have learned these lessons without playing soccer, I would not have learned them to the same
degree. Those many days of sweat, late nights, singing on the bus, and games won and lost have
stayed with me over the years. I still love soccer to this day, and cannot wait for the time to come
when I can buy Toby his first jersey and pair of cleats.

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CHAPTER 6Section 6.4 Descriptive Writing Pattern

the verb “be.” For instance, if someone says, “Snacks are being eaten,” the word “being”
is a form of the word “be” and is passive. Passive voice often adds unnecessary words
and creates ambiguity at the sentence level: Instead, use a descriptive verb to indicate
precisely what you mean. To take out passive voice, you could say, “Jennifer is eating
snacks,” which directly identifies the subject of the sentence as actively doing something.

Select Specific Details
Good description includes important details that help paint the picture for the reader by
“filling in the blanks” in the visual image. Details help you focus the reader’s attention on
characteristics that make people, places, objects, and events unique and help them “come
alive” for readers. Look beyond the obvious for specific characteristics of what you are
describing to help readers “see” it too.

Let us imagine, for example, that you are asked to describe your office workspace. You
would probably begin with a description of the size and shape of your desk and the objects
around the desk. But then you should look beyond the obvious and try to find specific
characteristics of your workspace that make it unique from that of other workspaces. Try
to elaborate on the basic description with carefully selected details that give readers a
sense of the person who occupies that space.

For example, you might write, “The basic black-and-white décor of the cubicle is shat-
tered by bold splashes of fire engine red, forest green, and pale yellow. Bright red coffee
cups are strategically placed within easy reach of the computer and hold pens, paper clips,
rubber bands, and other assorted necessities. The mugs contrast sharply with the four
dark green sets of file folders neatly arranged, alphabetically by topic, in stacking black
metal file holders. However, dozens of tiny yellow Post-it™ notes disrupt the sense of
organization as they litter the computer screen and desk with reminders about everything
from meetings and project deadlines to groceries and family birthdays.” It is precisely
these specific details and uses of descriptive language that make these words more than
just words—they become an imagistic scene the reader can visualize.

Use Descriptive Language
When you use description in personal writing, you seek to involve readers in the story
by helping them see, hear, touch, smell, or taste what you are telling them. You do this
by using language that elicits emotional responses from your readers. Words can have
different connotations, or emotional impact. In most of your college writing, you want
to choose words that discuss or explain issues without stirring emotions. However, in
personal writing, the opposite is true; you want to deliberately choose words that paint a
picture, evoke sensory experience, or that stir the reader’s emotions.

For example, if you want to paint a negative picture of an alley in a rundown part of town,
rather than simply stating that it “smells bad because it is littered with junk and rotting
garbage,” you might take readers on a journey with you down this alley by describing it
this way: “As I tripped over bent and rusted tin cans, jagged pieces of broken glass, and
large plastic bags of unknown contents, the putrid smell of rotting food filled my nose.
Suddenly, I found myself swatting huge, black horseflies that swarmed around me.” Can
you visualize that alley better now?

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CHAPTER 6Section 6.4 Descriptive Writing Pattern

Descriptive language refers to words that are vivid, expressive, and highly specific to
the topic you are writing on. Instead of stating that you smelled a strong odor, you might
specifically describe it by saying that it was pungent, bitter, sweet, or spicy. Paint a clear
picture of sensations and emotions for the reader as well. For instance, rather than writ-
ing that you were angry, you might use the words livid, enraged, or fuming with anger to
discuss your feelings—or better yet, you could explain a facial expression that conveys
anger rather than simply saying you were “enraged.” Table 6.2 provides you with some
descriptive alternatives to common verbs, adjectives, and adverbs. Use the alternative
words in this list to help make your writing more vivid. Descriptive language tends to
express an evaluation of something. Because it expresses an evaluation or perspective,
there is no such thing as completely objective description. However, the best description
would be one that is carefully informed and that does not exaggerate (“He is absolutely
always happy”) or understate (“Though he is an Honors student, he is really only average
in his performance”). Description should aim for accuracy and fairness and avoid exag-
geration for the purpose of effect.

Table 6.2: Alternatives to common verbs, adjectives, and adverbs

Instead of see, write
spy
spot

observe
notice

perceive
witness
glance
detect
discern
glimpse

recognize

Instead of say or tell, write
cry
yell

shout
exclaim
whisper
scream
bellow

bark
holler
roar

shriek

Instead of ask, write
beg

query
plead

appeal
inquire
request

question
demand
implore

Instead of eat, write
munch

swallow
consume
devour
gobble
gorge
wolf

chomp
chew
gnaw
nibble

Instead of run or go, write
fly
job
flee
race
dart
dash
rush

bound
scurry

scamper
sprint
hurry

Instead of like, write
adore

admire
respect
worship

appreciate
value

treasure
cherish
regard
idolize

treasure
relish

(continued)

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CHAPTER 6Section 6.4 Descriptive Writing Pattern

Instead of look, write
gaze
stare

glance
glare

glimpse
peep
peek
gape
gawk

scrutinize
survey
study

Instead of take, write
grasp

capture
seize
catch

pocket
grab
pilfer

snatch
lift

pinch
steal
nab

Instead of think, write
believe
reflect

imagine
consider

contemplate
ponder

deliberate
meditate
mull over
ruminate

muse
wonder

Instead of angry, write
livid

enraged
fuming
irritated

irate
heated

annoyed
furious

incensed
outraged
infuriated

Instead of pretty, write
cute

adorable
attractive
beautiful
alluring

glamorous
handsome

lovely
charming
endearing
appealing
gorgeous

Instead of happy, write
giddy
elated

pleased
glad

joyful
cheerful
blissful
ecstatic

delighted
jovial

amused
excited

Instead of good or great, write
huge

immense
enormous

grand
outstanding

commendable
magnificent
impressive
remarkable

notable
imposing
inspiring
splendid

Instead of bad, write
evil

awful
terrible
dreadful
appalling
shocking
ghastly

horrific or horrible
deceitful

dire
wicked
poor

inferior

Instead of sad, write
glum

depressed
gloomy

miserable
heartbreaking

distressing
sorrowful
poignant
moving

disheartening
discouraging

gloomy
disappointing

Table 6.2: Alternatives to common verbs, adjectives, and adverbs (continued)

(continued)

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CHAPTER 6Chapter Summary

Instead of smart, write
wise

gifted
clever

intelligent
bright
brainy
sharp
quick

informed
astute

perceptive
incisive

insightful

Instead of nice, write
pleasant

kind
polite

agreeable
pleasing

lovely
amiable
friendly
likable
affable

gracious
sociable
cordial

Instead of big, write
huge
large

enormous
gigantic

giant
immense

vast
sizeable
massive
colossal

tremendous
towering
soaring

Compare the Unfamiliar to the Familiar
One useful way to help readers visualize what you are describing is to compare it to some-
thing they might already know. For example, suppose you are describing a flower. You
could comment on the color and the size of the flower by saying that it is pink and tiny.
However, the color pink has many different shades, and the word tiny has a wide range of
interpretations. So, instead you might state, “The color of the flower was the same hue as
that of the pink candy Valentine’s Day hearts.”

When you report your observations of something; share personal experiences; or describe
a person, place, object, or event, remember to use the elements of effective description
to make your ideas clear and vivid to your readers. Read the combination narration and
description essay by professional writer Anna Quindlen (2007) found at http://www
.newsweek.com/id/32467/page/1. This essay illustrates many of the characteristics of
effective narration and description we have discussed in this chapter. See if you can iden-
tify the strategies she uses to paint a picture of her beloved dog. On a separate sheet of
paper, generate a list of strategies you see operating in the essay.

Chapter Summary
At times your discussion-post assignments may be personal writing assignments, and
other writing assignments will be combination papers that have one or more sections that
must be written using personal writing patterns, so it is necessary to know how this form
of writing differs from expository, persuasive, and argument papers.

Personal papers ask you to express your own thoughts, ideas, and opinions about a sub-
ject. They can be written to tell a story about yourself or others; to describe a person, place,
object, or event; or to express personal opinions on an issue. They may be called essays,
opinion papers, reflective papers, or creative writing assignments. Personal papers, or the
personal sections of a combination paper, have three important characteristics:

Table 6.2: Alternatives to common verbs, adjectives, and adverbs (continued)

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http://www.newsweek.com/id/32467/page/1

CHAPTER 6Key Terms

1. They are generally written from a first-person point of view, unless you are
narrating a story about another person.

2. They are logically organized and do not have headings that interrupt the flow
of the writing.

3. They are written in a conversational tone that is appropriate for an academic
audience and may contain dialogue.

Personal writing often uses specific writing patterns. Each of these patterns—including
narration, description, and responses to reading—has its own specific elements, which
you must incorporate if your personal writing is to be effective. While narrative essays
should communicate a clear purpose such as in the case of articulating a position, creative
writing pieces may not contain either a direct or an implied thesis. Descriptive writing
is the use of vivid, imagistic language that incorporates the senses, so in order to write
descriptively, one should use language that pertains to all of the senses. This also allows
readers to visualize the scene the writer creates. Because personal writing uses your imag-
ination or asks you to reflect on your own experiences and viewpoints, it can be a useful
tool to help stimulate your creativity and to give you valuable experience in expressing
your ideas in written form.

Key Terms
abstract words Words that have no physi-
cal substance; we cannot see, hear, touch,
smell, or taste them.

concrete words Words that represent
people, places, and things we can see, hear,
touch, smell, or taste; they are specific and
tangible, and represent physical objects
rather than ideas, qualities, or concepts.

combination paper An assignment that
includes elements of personal, expository,
persuasive or argument, and research
papers. For instance, one section of the
paper might be personal, while another is
persuasive.

creative tension The stress and interest
created when a story has an unresolved
problem or disagreement, a decision that
must be made, or a dilemma or conflict
that must be resolved.

creative writing Written or artistic works
whose purpose is to create images or to
express thoughts or feelings. These works
may also imply a position or argument.

description A pattern of writing that
involves providing details about the physi-
cal characteristics of a person, place, object,
or event.

descriptive language Words that are
vivid, expressive, and highly specific to the
topic you are writing on.

dialogue A verbal exchange between two
or more characters in a text.

narration Storytelling from the perspec-
tive of a narrator. The story may be true,
false, imaginary, or a combination.

nonfiction A genre of writing that
includes biographies, memoirs, and his-
torical documents.

opinion A personal viewpoint on a subject
that may or may not be supported with
facts or evidence.

opinion paper A type of essay that
explains the writer’s point of view or opin-
ion on a specific topic.

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CHAPTER 6Key Terms

plot The order, or sequence, of events that
unfold in a story.

reflective paper An assignment that asks
the writer think about something he or she
has read and to respond to it or discuss its
meaning for him or her.

response paper An assignment that
requires the writer to think about the
different points of view expressed in the
material being discussed and to take a
personal stand on the issue.

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ENG121: English Composition I

Example Journal Entry:

Summarizing

Purpose: Use this example student journal entry to explore important elements that make this an

exemplary submission. Hover over the information symbol ( ) or select the numbers within the text to

read about what the student has done well in this journal entry.

Summarizing

In the essay, “Good Boy, Beau. Stay,” the writer, Anna Quindlen, uses her dog, Beau, as an example of

how we should all live our lives. She tells us that we should live for the moment. ( )[The plot in 1

Quindlen’s essay is a little complicated. In the beginning of the essay, Quindlen is waiting at a

veterinarian’s office for medicine. She notes that she and the vet discuss putting the dog to sleep when the

time is right. In the next paragraph, she tells us about Beau and his current existence as an elderly dog

experiencing pain from arthritis, cataracts, and other ailments. From there, she segways into discussing

why she wishes to write about her dog who is about to pass away, and she explores what Beau was like as

a puppy. Afterwards, she turns back to discussing Beau in the present and reflecting on the fact that she is

beginning to age, too. She then discusses what she has learned from Beau. She ends by saying we should

all live life like Beau does. Beau focuses on enjoying life, no matter how old and achy he may be. We

should focus on enjoying our time here, too (2010).] Though the narrative order of the essay is

complicated, it is still probably the best organization. (2)[Quindlen wants us to see Beau as he is now and

as he once was, so switching from a past situation to the present situation is necessary. By doing so, she

shows us that, even if he is still not a puppy physically, he is a puppy mentally.] I may do something

similar in my own essay about my grandmother. She may not be as quick and strong as she was when I

was younger, but she’s still that same grandmother deep inside. (3)[Perhaps offering examples of her

strength in my youth and her frailty today could be an interesting plot organization.]

References

Quindlen, A. (2010). Quindlen: How an Old Dog Teaches Me Tricks About Life. The Daily Beast.

Retrieved from

http://www.newsweek.com/quindlen-how-old-dog-teaches-me-tricks-about-life-97257

ENG 121: English Composition I

Comments (color and number coded):

1. The purpose of this journal is to incorporate summary as support. A summary is a basic retelling of a

plot line, emphasizing certain details that support your view or stance on the text. Return

2. Here the purpose of summarizing the whole plot of Quindlen’s essay is revealed. The student did not

want to focus on specific details, but wanted to show the overall organization and time line that Quindlen

presents to us. By using summary, the student is able to retell the entire essay in a few lines, focusing on

Quindlen’s organization of events, which highlights the overall purpose –to show that the aging dog is

still a puppy at heart. Return

3. The student finishes the journal by making a connection to how she will write her own personal essay

similar to how Quindlen’s organizes her essay. Return

Button3:
Button10:
Button4:
Button5:
Button6:
Button7:

Created in 2015

GUIDELINES FOR SUMMARIZING SOURCES

Summarizing

Another good skill to help you incorporate research into your writing is summarizing. Summarizing is to
take larger selections of text and reduce them to their basic essentials: the gist, the key ideas, the main
points that are worth noting and remembering. Think of a summary as the “general idea in brief form”; it’s
the distillation, condensation, or reduction of a larger work into its primary notions and main ideas.

As with directly quoting and paraphrasing, summarizing requires you to cite your sources properly to
avoid “accidental” plagiarism. Moreover, a summary should not change the meaning of the original
source. A good summary should be a shortened version that conveys the purpose and main points of the
original source.

Components of a Good Summary:

 Write in the present tense.

 Make sure to include the author, the year, and title of the work.
o For example:

 In Pixar’s 2003 movie, Finding Nemo…
 In Stephen King’s horror book The Shining (1977),…
 In Emily Dickinson’s poem “Because I Could Not Stop for Death (1890),”

 Be concise: a summary should not be equal in length to the original text; it should be about 1/10
as long.

 Include 2–3 main points of the text or work.

 Include the conclusion or the final findings of the work.

 Avoid using quotations. A summary is not a paraphrase or a direct quote. If you must use the
author’s key words or phrases, always enclose them in quotation marks and cite.

 Don’t put your own opinions, ideas, or interpretations into the summary. The purpose of writing a
summary is to accurately represent what the author wanted to say, not to provide a critique.

When Is a Summary Useful?

You should summarize when…

 you want to give an overview of a source’s main ideas/points;

 you can express a source’s ideas or points in fewer words than the original text;

 you need to give a brief synopsis of more than one source; or

 you want an authority on the topic to support your ideas.

Examples of Good and Bad Summaries

Be careful when you summarize that you avoid stating your opinion or putting a particular bias on what
you write. This point is important because the goal of a summary is to be as factual as possible.
For example, here is an example of an inaccurate, opinion-laden summary about Pixar’s popular movie
Finding Nemo:

So there’s a film where a man’s wife is brutally murdered by a serial killer and his son is left
physically disabled. In a twist of events, the son is kidnaped and kept in a tank while his father

https://awc.ashford.edu/cd-integrating-quotes.html

https://awc.ashford.edu/cd-guidelines-for-paraphrasing.html

Created in 2015

chases the kidnapper thousands of miles with the help of a mentally challenged woman. Finding
Nemo is quite the thriller.

This example is a bad summary because it is very vague, and it contains the writer’s opinion as well as
twists the events of the story into something it is not. Pixar’s Finding Nemo is not a thriller or a horror story
like described above—it is an animated children’s movie about fish.

Here is a better summary of Finding Nemo:

Pixar’s Finding Nemo (2003) is a story about Marlin, a clownfish, who is overly cautious with his
son, Nemo, who has a damaged fin. When Nemo swims too close to the surface to prove himself,
he is caught by a diver, and horrified Marlin must set out to find him. A blue reef fish named Dory,
who has a really short memory, joins Marlin and together they encounter sharks, jellyfish, and a
host of ocean dangers. Meanwhile, Nemo plots his escape from a dentist’s fish tank where he is
being held. In the end, Marlin and his son Nemo are reunited, and they both learn about trust and
what it means to be a family. (Finding Nemo, 2003)

This paragraph is a better summary than the original one because:

 it is accurate and factual;

 it states the main characters and events of the story;

 it gives the reader the crucial details without giving too many details; and

 it tells the moral of the story/the conclusion without twisting the meaning.

This summary is good because…

 it states the author/director, the year, and the title of the work;

 it is about 1/10 the length of the original passage;

 it is clear and understandable to the reader;

 it is void of any quotations or paraphrases, and it includes a parenthetical citation in correct APA
format.

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