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Analyzing a Corporate Message Instructions In July 2015, Stephen Elop announced major changes at Microsoft. Read the file entitled:
Chapter 6 Stephen Elop Email to Employees (attached to the assignment instructions in Canvas).
You will now complete the following:
1. Identify and revise five sentences that are not complete.
2. Identify and revise five sentences that are not concise.
3. Identify and revise five sentences that are not natural.
4. Explain 3 strategies (from Chapter 6) for designing the document for faster navigation.
5. Revise the document. Attempt to cut the length in half. Use headings, bullets, and other design features to improve navigation.
Submit your well formatted, fully proofread response as an attachment to the assignment link in Canvas (acceptable formats are or x).
Analyzing a Corporate Message
Your Name
Date: _____
1. Identify and revise five sentences that are not complete.
Original Sentence 1:
Revised Sentence 1:
Original Sentence 2:
Revised Sentence 2:
Original Sentence 3:
Revised Sentence 3:
Original Sentence 4:
Revised Sentence 4:
Original Sentence 5:
Revised Sentence 5:
2. Identify and revise five sentences that are not concise.
Original Sentence 1:
Revised Sentence 1:
Original Sentence 2:
Revised Sentence 2:
Original Sentence 3:
Revised Sentence 3:
Original Sentence 4:
Revised Sentence 4:
Original Sentence 5:
Revised Sentence 5:
3. Identify and revise five sentences that are not natural.
Original Sentence 1:
Revised Sentence 1:
Original Sentence 2:
Revised Sentence 2:
Original Sentence 3:
Revised Sentence 3:
Original Sentence 4:
Revised Sentence 4:
Original Sentence 5:
Revised Sentence 5:
4. Explain 3 strategies (from Chapter 6) for designing the document for faster navigation.
a. Strategy 1:
b. Strategy 2:
c. Strategy 3:
5. Revise the document below. Attempt to cut the length in half. Use headings, bullets, and other design features to improve navigation.
Submit your well formatted, fully proofread response as an attachment to the assignment link in Canvas (acceptable formats are or x).
Name your document (File/Save As):
Last Name_Analyzing a Message.
Stephen
Elop’s email to employees
July 17, 2014 | Microsoft News Center
Hello there,
Microsoft’s strategy is focused on productivity and our desire to help people “do more.” As the Microsoft Devices Group, our role is to light up this strategy for people. We are the team creating the hardware that showcases the finest of Microsoft’s digital work and digital life experiences, and we will be the confluence of the best of Microsoft’s applications, operating systems and cloud services.
To align with Microsoft’s strategy, we plan to focus our efforts. Given the wide range of device experiences, we must concentrate on the areas where we can add the most value. The roots of this company and our future are in productivity and helping people get things done. Our fundamental focus – for phones, Surface, for meetings with devices like PPI, Xbox hardware and new areas of innovation — is to build on that strength. While our direction in the majority of our teams is largely unchanging, we have had an opportunity to plan carefully about the alignment of phones within Microsoft as the transferring Nokia team continues with its integration process.
It is particularly important to recognize that the role of phones within Microsoft is different than it was within Nokia. Whereas the hardware business of phones within Nokia was an end unto itself, within Microsoft all our devices are intended to embody the finest of Microsoft’s digital work and digital life experiences, while accruing value to Microsoft’s overall strategy. Our device strategy must reflect Microsoft’s strategy and must be accomplished within an appropriate financial envelope. Therefore, we plan to make some changes.
We will be particularly focused on making the market for Windows Phone. In the near term, we plan to drive Windows Phone volume by targeting the more affordable smartphone segments, which are the fastest growing segments of the market, with Lumia. In addition to the portfolio already planned, we plan to deliver additional lower-cost Lumia devices by shifting select future Nokia X designs and products to Windows Phone devices. We expect to make this shift immediately while continuing to sell and support existing Nokia X products.
To win in the higher price segments, we will focus on delivering great breakthrough products in alignment with major milestones ahead from both the Windows team and the Applications and Services Group. We will ensure that the very best experiences and scenarios from across the company will be showcased on our products. We plan to take advantage of innovation from the Windows team, like Universal Windows Apps, to continue to enrich the Windows application ecosystem. And in the very lowest price ranges, we plan to run our first phones business for maximum efficiency with a smaller team.
We expect these changes to have an impact to our team structure. With our focus, we plan to consolidate the former Smart Devices and Mobile Phones business units into one phone business unit that is responsible for all of our phone efforts. Under the plan, the phone business unit will be led by Jo Harlow with key members from both the Smart Devices and Mobile Phones teams in the management team. This team will be responsible for the success of our Lumia products, the transition of select future Nokia X products to Lumia and for the ongoing operation of the first phone business.
As part of the effort, we plan to select the appropriate business model approach for our sales markets while continuing to offer our products in all markets with a strong focus on maintaining business continuity. We will determine each market approach based on local market dynamics, our ability to profitably deliver local variants, current Lumia momentum and the strategic importance of the market to Microsoft. This will all be balanced with our overall capability to invest.
Our phone engineering efforts are expected to be concentrated in Salo, Finland (for future, high-end Lumia products) and Tampere, Finland (for more affordable devices). We plan to develop the supporting technologies in both locations. We plan to ramp down engineering work in Oulu. While we plan to reduce the engineering in Beijing and San Diego, both sites will continue to have supporting roles, including affordable devices in Beijing and supporting specific US requirements in San Diego. Espoo and Lund are planned to continue to be focused on application software development.
We plan to right-size our manufacturing operations to align to the new strategy and take advantage of integration opportunities. We expect to focus phone production mainly in Hanoi, with some production to continue in Beijing and Dongguan. We plan to shift other Microsoft manufacturing and repair operations to Manaus and Reynosa respectively, and start a phased exit from Komaron, Hungary.
In short, we will focus on driving Lumia volume in the areas where we are already successful today in order to make the market for Windows Phone. With more speed, we will build on our success in the affordable smartphone space with new products offering more differentiation. We’ll focus on acquiring new customers in the markets where Microsoft’s services and products are most concentrated. And, we’ll continue building momentum around applications.
We plan that this would result in an estimated reduction of 12,500 factory direct and professional employees over the next year. These decisions are difficult for the team, and we plan to support departing team members with severance benefits.
More broadly across the Devices team, we will continue our efforts to bring iconic tablets to market in ways that complement our OEM partners, power the next generation of meetings & collaboration devices and thoughtfully expand Windows with new interaction models. With a set of changes already implemented earlier this year in these teams, this means there will be limited change for the Surface, Xbox hardware, PPI/meetings or next generation teams.
We recognize these planned changes are broad and have very difficult implications for many of our team members. We will work to provide as much clarity and information as possible. Today and over the coming weeks leaders across the organization will hold town halls, host information sharing sessions and provide more details on the intranet.
The team transferring from Nokia and the teams that have been part of Microsoft have each experienced a number of remarkable changes these last few years. We operate in a competitive industry that moves rapidly, and change is necessary. As difficult as some of our changes are today, this direction deliberately aligns our work with the cross company efforts that Satya has described in his recent emails. Collectively, the clarity, focus and alignment across the company, and the opportunity to deliver the results of that work into the hands of people, will allow us to increase our success in the future.
Regards,
Stephen
Source:
https://news.microsoft.com/2014/07/17/stephen-elops-email-to-employees/
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Conciseness
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Improving Ease of Reading with
Conciseness
When you write concisely, your message is far easier to read.
Conciseness does not imply removing relevant information. Rather, it
implies omitting needless words so that readers can rapidly process your
main ideas. In response to the question “[Do you have] any thoughts on
how language is used in the business world?” Clarence Otis Jr., CEO of
Darden Restaurants, responded this way:
I think writing in the business world is more functional than elegant. I felt that
way making the transition from law to business. Lawyers write much better. They
spend a lot more time on it. In the business world, it’s less about how well you
say it and more about how efficiently you say it.
Otis’s primary point is that your language should be efficient. You
should say as much as you can in as few words as possible. His
distinction between functionality and elegance means that your primary
focus is not impressing with words, but rather impressing with ideas. In
this section, we describe strategies for writing concisely, including
controlling paragraph length, using shorter sentences, avoiding
redundancy, avoiding empty phrases, and avoiding wordy
phrases.
Control Paragraph Length
Before they even begin to read, readers form impressions about ease of
reading by looking at paragraph length. When they see long paragraphs,
they often enter skim mode—searching for certain words and ideas
rather than reading. Long paragraphs can signal disorganization and even
disrespect for the reader’s time.
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Improving Ease of
Reading with Writing
Style
Typically, paragraphs should
contain 40 to 80
words.
For
routine messages, paragraphs as
short as 20 to 30 words are
common and appropriate. As the
level of information and analysis
grows deeper, some paragraphs
will be longer. Rarely should
paragraphs exceed 150 words. In
a matter of seconds, you can
easily check how many words are
in your paragraphs with nearly all
word processing software.
One primary cause of overly
lengthy paragraphs is placing
more than one main idea or topic
in the paragraph. Your readers can
process the information in your
message far more easily if you
create unified paragraphs in
which each paragraph focuses on
one idea or topic. Paragraphs with
more than one idea often confuse
readers. Even worse, readers may
miss some ideas altogether. The
process of unifying helps you
control paragraph length and even
tighten your business reasoning
(see Table 6.3 ).
Completeness
Provide all relevant
information.
Be accurate.
Be specific.
Conciseness
Control paragraph
length.
Use short sentences.
Avoid redundancy.
Avoid empty
phrases.
Avoid wordy
prepositional
phrases.
Natural Style
Use action verbs
when possible.
Use active voice.
Use short and
familiar words and
phrases.
Use parallel
language.
Avoid buzz words
and figures of
speech.
Avoid it is/there are.
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Visit http://connect.mhedu
cation.com for an exercise
on this topic.
Page 174
http://connect.mheducation.com/
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TABLE 6.3 Controlling Paragraph Length
Less Effective More Effective
As far as financial requirements, you must
have a minimum net worth of $350,000.
Also, you will need minimum
unencumbered assets of between
$120,000 and $265,000. You may not
finance more than two-thirds of the initial
investment to open the store. You must
also have access to financing in the range
of $170,000 to $340,000 (assuming that
you finance two-thirds of the initial
investment costs). Confirmation of loan,
terms, and collateral is required. You will
need to show that you can maintain an
outside income of at least 80 percent of
your present income for a period of at
least two years. This allows you to have
adequate financial stability as you get your
business started. You will need to show
that your liquid assets
are available for
investment and operations of your new
Sunrise Greeting Cards and Flowers shop.
Capital must be from your personal assets;
capital in a current business will not be
recognized as available to a new store.
Sunrise does not provide
loans.
Minimum financial
requirements
include a net worth
of $350,000 with
unencumbered
liquid assets of
between $120,000
and $265,000
(these financial
requirements must
be from
personal
assets, not from
capital in a current
business). You will
need to show that
these liquid assets
are available for
investment in your
Sunrise store. You
will also need to
show that you can
maintain an outside
income of at least
80 percent of your
present income for
a period of at least
two years.
You are required to
finance less than
two-thirds of the
initial investment
costs. Assuming
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that you can, you
will need access to
financing in the
range of $170,000
to $340,000.
Confirmation of
loan, terms, and
collateral is
required. Sunrise
does not provide
loans.
This paragraph contains 168 words. It also
contains excessive numerical figures.
This paragraph
contains the same
information but has
been edited for
conciseness and
divided into two
paragraphs. It
contains one
paragraph of 80
words and one
paragraph of 44
words. Altogether,
the information has
been presented in
30 fewer
words.
The right to open a new Sunrise store will
be awarded based on the
business plan,
market potential in
your chosen area,
personal interviews, and
financial criteria.
Running a Sunrise store can be extremely
The right to open a
new Sunrise store
will be awarded
based on the
business plan,
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profitable. Once approved, new Sunrise
stores can typically be
opened in 3 to 12
months. The minimum store size is based
on location. In shopping malls, the
minimum size should be approximately
2,500 square feet. In strip shopping
centers, the minimum size should be
approximately 3,400 square feet.
Currently, average
annual profit per
Sunrise store is $153,000, with ranges
between $49,000 and
$215,000. Profit
level depends on many factors, including
choosing the right location, market
demand, square footage, and managing
the store effectively.
Typically, profits
become relatively
stable after the first
three years of
operation.
market potential in
your chosen area,
personal
interviews, and
financial criteria.
Once approved,
new Sunrise stores
can typically be
opened in 3 to 12
months.
Currently, average
annual profit per
Sunrise store is
$153,000, with
ranges between
$49,000 and
$215,000. Profit
level depends on
many factors,
including location,
market demand,
square footage,
and management.
Typically, profits
become relatively
stable after the first
three years of
operation.
This paragraph has two ideas or topics: (a)
awarding the right to open a store and (b)
The revised
paragraph is
broken into two
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average annual profit per store. This
paragraph contains 130 words.
separate, unified
paragraphs with 42
and 41 words,
respectively.
Use Short Sentences in Most Cases
Like relatively short paragraphs, short sentences allow your readers to
comprehend your ideas more easily. Consider Figure 6.2 , which
depicts the data from a study conducted by the American Press Institute.
Readers were tested on their overall comprehension based on the length
of sentences. When sentences had 10 words or fewer, readers had nearly
100 percent comprehension. Once sentence lengths reached around 20
words, comprehension dropped to about 80 percent. Thereafter,
comprehension dropped rapidly. Sentence lengths of 28 words resulted in
just 30 percent comprehension.
4
FIGURE 6.2
Comprehension Rate and Sentence Length
Source: Figure adapted from Ann Wylie, “How to Make Your Copy More Readable: Make
Sentences Shorter,” Comprehension, January 14, 2009, retrieved March 3, 2012, from http://compr
ehension.prsa.org/?p=217.
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As a rule of thumb, then, for routine messages, aim for average sentence
length of 15 or fewer words. For more analytical and complex business
messages, you may have an average sentence length of 20 or fewer
words. Of course, you will often deal with complex ideas and need to go
above 20 words in some of your sentences. Use your judgment to
minimize sentence length (see Table 6.4 ).
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TABLE 6.4 Using Short Sentences
Less Effective More Effective
Our brand is strongly recognized
among our customers and is
associated with positive
characteristics such as quality
and reliability, and our customers
associate these qualities with the
special occasions in their lives.
To our customers, our brand
represents quality products
that help them celebrate
special occasions.
This sentence contains 32 words. This sentence contains the
same ideas in just 14 words.
Our team of experienced
managers will apply our well-
developed formula for analyzing
the demographics, traffic
patterns, local competitors, and
other
factors of your chosen
location to provide you with
estimates of retail sales and
revenue.
Our team of experienced
managers will apply our well-
developed formula for
analyzing the demographics,
traffic patterns, local
competitors, and other
factors of your chosen
location. From this analysis,
we will provide you with
estimates of retail sales and
revenue.
This sentence contains 35 words. The less effective sentence
has been split into one 25-
word sentence and one 14-
word sentence.
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Sunrise has aggressively
advertised in print and radio in
regional markets in recent years,
and Sunrise has developed
excellent brand recognition with
its various advertising and
promotional materials that will
directly benefit your store, which,
of course, depends and varies on
your chosen store location.
In recent years, Sunrise has
aggressively advertised in
print and radio in regional
markets. As a result, Sunrise
brand recognition is strong.
Your store will benefit
from Sunrise regional
advertising and promotional
campaigns.
This sentence contains 45 words. The less effective sentence
has been split into three
sentences with 14, 8, and 11
words, respectively.
Avoid Redundancy
One way to reduce word count and make your messages easier to read is
to avoid redundancies, which are words or phrases that repeat the same
meaning. For example, consider the phrase past history; history can only
be past, so there’s no need to use both words. By eliminating
redundancies, you can reduce overall word count (see Table 6.5 ).
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TABLE 6.5 Avoiding Redundancy
Less Effective More Effective
To help you reach your goals, we
provide you with the products and
resources to
succeed.
We provide you with the
products and resources to
succeed.
This sentence has 16 words. To
help you reach your goals and to
succeed are redundant phrases.
This sentence has 10 words.
It removes redundancy.
We organize a fun-filled annual
retreat each year for store owners
and managers to share and
discuss
problems, solutions, and
opportunities with one another.
We organize a fun-filled
annual retreat for store
owners and managers to
share and discuss
problems, solutions, and
opportunities.
This sentence has 24 words.
Annual and each year are
redundant. Share and discuss
implies with one another, making
with one another redundant.
This sentence has 19 words.
It removes redundancies.
Avoid Empty Phrases
Many phrases simply fill space without adding additional meaning.
Many of these phrases are common in conversations but are not needed
for written messages (see Table 6.6 ).
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TABLE 6.6 Avoiding Empty Phrases
Less Effective More Effective
Needless to say, the
profitability of a store depends
on many factors.
The profitability of a store
depends on many factors.
This sentence contains 12
words.
This revision contains 9 words.
With all due respect, Sunrise
suggests other locations for
your store based on our
marketing formula.
Sunrise suggests other
locations for your store based
on our marketing formula.
This sentence contains 16
words.
This revision contains 12
words.
Avoid Wordy Prepositional Phrases
Eliminating extra words allows you to get your ideas across as efficiently
as possible. You will often find that you can reduce word count by 30 to
40 percent simply by converting many of your prepositional phrases into
single-word verbs. Like other elements of style we have discussed
already, prepositional phrases are not bad in themselves. In many cases,
they are perfectly appropriate. Rather, their overuse leads to wordiness
and less clarity (see Table 6.7 ).
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TABLE 6.7 Avoiding Wordy Prepositional Phrases
Less Effective More Effective
In an effort to maximize your
profitability as a Sunrise owner,
you should be in attendance at
each annual retreat.
Attending the annual Sunrise
retreats helps you maximize
profitability.
This sentence contains 20
words.
This revision of the less
effective sentence contains 9
words.
In the business planning
process, please keep in mind
that at Sunrise, we are here for
you.
Please remember that we will
help you with business
planning.
This sentence contains 17
words.
This revision of the less
effective sentence contains 10
words.
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Navigational Design
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Page 183
LO6.2 Explain and use
navigational
design to
improve ease
of reading.
Improving Ease of Reading with
Navigational Design
Your primary goal for document
design is making your message
easy to navigate. Ask yourself
these questions: How can I get my
readers to see my main ideas and
messages quickly? How can I
make sure my readers can find the
information they are most
interested in? Several features will
help you improve navigational
design, including headings,
highlighting, lists, white space, and simplicity. Later in the
book, we will focus on additional ways of enhancing the appearance of
your document with charts, figures, and graphics.
Use
Headings
In information-rich and complex messages, headings can help your
readers identify key ideas and navigate the document to areas of interest.
As you create headings and subheadings, be consistent in font style and
formatting throughout your document. One way to be consistent with
your headings is to apply formatting features available in most word
processing programs. For example, in Microsoft Word, you can assign
heading levels for major heads and subheads (Heading 1, Heading 2, and
so on). You have many options for the formatting styles you apply, and
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Improving Ease of
Reading with
Navigational Design
the software ensures that the
formatting remains consistent
throughout the document.
As you develop your headings,
make sure you concisely and
accurately convey the contents of
a section. For example, notice the
heading “Financial Requirements
& Financing” in the more
effective example in
Table 6.16 . In contrast, the
heading “Minimum
Financial
Requirements to Apply for a
Franchise and Financing Stipulations” is likely too long for most
documents. On the other hand, a subheading such as “Minimum
Requirements” may not give readers accurate information about the
contents of the section. Readers skimming the document for financial
requirements might miss the section on the first pass. You can find more
information about headings in Chapters 12 and 13 about reports.
Headings
Highlighting
Lists
White space
Simplicity
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TABLE 6.16 Using Headings
Less Effective More Effective
Sunrise will make the
final approval about your
proposed sites and may
suggest alternate
locations based on our
marketing formula, which
has worked successfully
in the past. As far as
financial requirements,
you must have a
minimum net worth of
$350,000, and you also
will need minimum
unencumbered assets of
between $120,000 and
$265,000. You may not
finance more than two-
thirds of the initial
investment to open the
store. You must also have
access to financing in the
range of $170,000 to
$340,000 (assuming that
you finance two-thirds of
the initial
investment
costs). Confirmation of
loan, terms, and
collateral is required. You
will need to show that
you can maintain an
outside income of at
least 80 percent of your
Financial Requirements & Financing
Owning a Sunrise shop requires a
strong financial position and
evidence of the ability to finance a
new business.
Financial Requirements.
Sunrise
seeks franchise owners who are in a
financially sound position. The
minimum requirements include a
total net worth of $350,000, with
unencumbered liquid assets of
between $120,000 and $265,000.
You will need to show that these
liquid assets are personal rather than
capital in a current business and
available for investment in your
Sunrise store. You will also need to
show that you can maintain an
outside income of at least 80
percent of your present income for
at least two years.
Financing. You are required to
finance less than two-thirds of the
initial investment costs. Assuming
that you finance up to two-thirds of
the initial investment costs, you will
need access to financing in the
range of $170,000 to $340,000.
Confirmation of loan, terms, and
collateral is required. Sunrise does
not provide loans.
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present income for a
period of at least two
years to show that you
have adequate financial
stability as you get your
business started. You will
need to show that your
liquid assets are
available for investment
and operations of your
new Sunrise Greeting
Cards and Flowers shop,
and the capital must be
from your personal
assets; capital in a
current business will not
be recognized as
available to a new
store.
Sunrise does not provide
loans.
This paragraph is 198
words with far too many
numbers. Many readers
would have a hard time
locating the key
information.
Visually, these paragraphs are far
more appealing and inviting. The
headings immediately orient the
reader to the content.
Highlight Key Words and Phrases
When you want to highlight ideas or phrases, consider using bold,
italics, or underlining to draw and keep your readers’ attention.
Typically, you will apply this type of formatting sparingly; if you use too
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much special formatting, your main ideas will not stand out. In general,
apply only one type of formatting to a highlighted word or words (i.e.,
only bold or italics, not bold and italics) (see Table 6.17 ).
TABLE 6.17 Applying Formatting to Key Words and Phrases
Less Effective More Effective
Sunrise will work directly with
you to create a marketing
plan, budgeting plan, and
break-
even analysis.
Sunrise will work directly with
you to create a marketing plan,
budgeting plan, and break-
even analysis.
By italicizing everything,
nothing is highlighted.
By italicizing one short phrase,
you emphasize it.
Sunrise will provide free
training for up to three people
for each new store.
Sunrise will provide free
training for up to three people
for each new store.
Applying two formatting
features (bold and underlining)
may appear overbearing.
Applying one formatting
feature (bold) is sufficient to
highlight the phrase.
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Use Bulleted and Numbered Lists
You will often use lists in business writing. When you set these items
apart with bullets or numbers, your readers notice and remember the
items more easily (see Table 6.18 ).
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TABLE 6.18 Using Bulleted and Numbered Lists
Less Effective More Effective
The brochure for prospective franchisees
should first and foremost show how
committed we are to the success of the
franchisee. We can do this by providing a
warm and inviting message from Stephanie
on the front of the brochure. Then we
should provide basic information that all
prospective franchisees would be
interested in, such as
information about
initial investment costs and profit potential,
financial requirements and financing, our
involvement in opening a new franchise
store, and the application
process.
We
should also have a section about our
commitment to their success after they
open a store.
The brochure for
prospective
franchisees should
accomplish two
main goals: (1)
show our
commitment to the
success of
franchisees and (2)
provide basic
information about
becoming a
franchisee. The
brochure should
contain the
following sections:
Opening letter
from
Stephanie.
Initial
investment
costs and profit
potential.
Financial
requirements
and financing.
Sunrise
involvement in
opening a new
franchise store.
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Without bullets, this paragraph contains a
lot of items that are difficult for the reader
to remember. Furthermore, it takes longer
for the reader to visualize the components
of the
brochure.
With bullets, this
paragraph allows
the reader to
rapidly process
the information
and visualize the
components of the
brochure.
Furthermore, the
use of
enumeration and
bullets more
clearly
distinguishes the
overarching goals
of the brochure
and the
components of the
brochure.
Use White Space Generously
Your readers will form an immediate impression about your document
based on how much white space (areas without text) it has. Documents
with too much text and not enough white look daunting or
cluttered. On the other hand, documents with too much white
Sunrise
support after
opening a
store.
Application
process.
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space may look insufficient. Many students are trained in the university
setting to double-space documents. In the workplace, double-spaced
documents are rare, however.
Keep It Simple
Visual appeal is not the first consideration for most written business
communications. Rather, the goal is to get your message across in an
easy-to-read manner. As you design your document, focus first on easy
navigation for your reader. Avoid formatting features that distract from
the main message. See Figure 6.3 for effective use of navigational
features and white space.
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FIGURE 6.3
Stephanie’s Final, Easier-to-Read Brochure (compare to original version in
Figure 6.1 )
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LO6.1 Describe and
apply the
following
principles of
writing style
that improve
ease of reading:
completeness,
conciseness,
and natural
processing.
Improving Ease of Reading with
Completeness
Most of your messages in the
workplace have a clear goal: to
update your team members, to
promote a service to a client, to
give an assignment, and so on.
Your goal of completeness means
that your message provides all the
information necessary to meet
that purpose. Your colleagues,
clients, and other contacts expect
complete information so they can
act on your message immediately.
Otherwise, they will need to
contact you to get additional
information or, worse yet, ignore
your message altogether. You can
achieve completeness with three
basic strategies: (1) providing all relevant information; (2) being
accurate; and (3) being
specific.
Provide All Relevant Information
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One challenge is to judge which
information is relevant for your
message. After all, providing too
much information can distract
your readers and weigh down
your document. On the other
hand, not providing enough
information can leave your reader
wondering how to respond. The
key to providing all but only
relevant information is to plan, write, and review your message
strategically. Repeatedly asking yourself what information is necessary
for the purpose of your message will help you accomplish this.
A recent survey of corporate recruiters from 2,092 companies
showed which elements of writing style are most important.
Accuracy was the most sought after characteristic of writing style (95
percent), followed by clarity (75 percent), language mechanics (59
percent), conciseness (41 percent), precision (37 percent), and visual
appeal (11 percent).
In Stephanie’s case, her basic purpose is to attract qualified individuals
to apply for franchises. In the limited space of a two-page brochure, she
wants to accomplish several objectives to encourage applications of
qualified individuals: show that she is committed to their success,
describe the basic business model, and explain the financial
qualifications for franchisees. As long as she keeps these objectives in
mind, she can ensure that the brochure contains only relevant
information.
Be Accurate
Accuracy is a basic objective of all business communications because
your colleagues, customers, and clients base important decisions on your
communications. In short, accurate information is true, correct, and
exact. You should aim for accuracy in facts, figures, statistics, and word
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choice. Inaccuracies may result from miscalculations, misinformation,
poor word choice, or simply typos (see Table 6.1 for examples).
Accuracy, like specificity, strongly impacts your readers’ perceptions of
your credibility. Just one inaccurate statement can lead readers to dismiss
your entire message and lower their trust in your future communications
as well.
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TABLE 6.1 Being Accurate
Less Effective More Effective
Your store should spend
roughly 30 percent of annual
sales on local advertising.
Your store should spend
roughly 3 percent of annual
sales on local advertising.
A typo (30 percent instead of 3
percent) implies an expense
commitment that is ten times
higher than the actual
recommendation.
The revised version contains
the corrected figure.
We estimate that you will need
an initial investment of
between $240,000 and
$425,000. The initial
investment costs include the
following: fixtures ($60,000–
$90,000); inventory ($80,000–
$190,000); store improvements
($20,000–$130,000); retail
equipment ($20,000–
$35,000); miscellaneous
expenses ($10,000–$30,000);
and an initial franchise fee
($50,000).
We estimate that you will need
an initial investment of
between $240,000 and
$525,000. The initial
investment costs include the
following: fixtures ($60,000–
$90,000); inventory ($80,000–
$190,000); store improvements
($20,000–$130,000); retail
equipment ($20,000–
$35,000); miscellaneous
expenses ($10,000–$30,000);
and an initial franchise fee
($50,000).
Incorrect calculation leads to
one of the figures being off by
The revised version contains
the corrected figure.
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$100,000.
Be Specific
Your readers expect you to be precise and avoid vagueness in nearly all
business situations. The more specific you are, the more likely your
readers are to have their questions answered. If you are not specific, your
readers may become impatient and begin scanning and skimming for the
information they want. If they can’t find that information, they are
unlikely to respond to your message as you intend.
Being specific also affects the judgments your readers make
about your credibility. Specific statements lead your readers to
believe that you know what you’re talking about (competence), that you
are not hiding anything (character), and that you want your readers to be
informed (caring). Being vague, on the other hand, detracts from your
credibility. See Table 6.2 for examples of less specific and more
specific writing.
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TABLE 6.2 Being Specific
Less Effective More Effective
Once approved, new
Sunrise stores can be
opened quickly.
Once approved, new Sunrise stores
can typically be opened in between 3
and 12 months.
The term quickly is not
specific.
The phrase between 3 and 12 months
is specific and avoids ambiguity.
The minimum store
size is based on
location. Typically, the
minimum size is larger
in strip shopping
centers than in
shopping malls.
The minimum store size is based on
location. In shopping malls, the
minimum size should be approximately
2,500 square feet. In strip shopping
centers, the minimum size should be
approximately 3,400 square feet.
The term larger is not
specific.
By stating specific figures for square
feet, the difference is not open to
interpretation.
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Visit http://connect.mhedu
cation.com for an exercise
on this topic.
Improving Ease of Reading with
Natural Style
The closer you match your writing style to the way your readers think
and talk, the easier it is for them to process the information you present.
Ease of processing means your readers need less mental effort to
understand your message, which is especially important for readers who
are busy and preoccupied with other work challenges.
Several broad principles support
the strategies in this section. First,
people can generally process
information more quickly when
writers use action verbs. Second,
people tend to think in a doer-
action-object pattern, so using this
pattern in your writing enhances
comprehension. Furthermore,
when the subject or doer is
missing from the sentence, readers may become confused. Third, people
generally process simple, short words more quickly than long, complex
ones.
Use Action Verbs When Possible
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As a business writer, you want to project a positive, can-do, action-
oriented tone whenever possible. Indeed, fostering action is the basic
purpose of most workplace communication. Using action verbs focuses
on the goal of coordinating action in the workplace and livens up your
writing. Also, it usually reduces word count.
Typically, then, you can focus on two types of revisions to
achieve more effective action verbs. First, find nouns that you
can convert to action verbs. For example, have a meeting becomes meet
or have a discussion becomes discuss. Second, find forms of the verb to
be (e.g., be verbs such as is, are, am) and convert them to action verbs
(see Table 6.8 ). For example, Sunrise is a great place to open a
franchise with becomes Sunrise provides great opportunities for
franchises.
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TABLE 6.8 Using Action Verbs
Less Effective More Effective
We have made an estimate
that you will need an initial
investment of between
$290,000 and $605,000.
We estimate that you will
initially invest between
$290,000 and $605,000.
This sentence contains 17
words.
This revision contains 11 words.
Sunrise is a company with
excellent
customer service.
Sunrise provides excellent
customer service.
This sentence contains 8
words.
This revision contains 5 words.
Use Active Voice
One way to immediately improve your writing is to use active rather than
passive voice in most sentences. Active voice and passive voice contain
the following grammatical patterns:
Active voice: Doer as Subject + Verb + Object
Passive voice: Object as Subject + Be Verb + Verb + Doer
(Optional)
Consider the following examples:
Active voice: Sunrise provides free training for up to three people
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for
each new store.
Passive voice: Free training is provided for up to three people for
each new store.
In active voice, this sentence immediately identifies the doer (Sunrise). It
then uses a strong verb (provides) and proceeds to the object (free
training). In passive voice, this sentence begins with the object of the
action (free training), proceeds to a weak verb (is), then employs a strong
verb (provided), and leaves out the doer, thus lacking the clarity of active
voice.
Using active voice in writing includes many benefits. The doer-action-
object allows for faster processing because most people’s natural
thinking occurs in this way. It also emphasizes the business orientation of
action. Perhaps most important, it specifies the doer. Because business
activities depend on accountability and coordination, knowing the
identity of the doer of an action is usually important. Furthermore,
writing in the active voice usually results in fewer words (see
Table 6.9 ).
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TABLE 6.9 Using Active Voice Appropriately
Less Effective (Passive Voice) More Effective (Active Voice)
A marketing plan, budgeting
plan, and break-even analysis
will be provided to you with
your active participation.
Sunrise will work directly with
you
to create a marketing plan,
budgeting plan, and break-even
analysis.
This passive sentence de-
emphasizes who will create
the plan and lacks an action-
oriented
tone.
The active verb construction in
this sentence helps achieve a
more engaging, action-oriented
tone.
An analysis of your chosen
location will also be provided
that includes demographics,
traffic patterns, competitors,
and a related analysis will be
given to you that contains
estimates of retail sales and
revenue.
Sunrise will use its well-
developed formula for analyzing
the demographics, traffic
patterns, local competitors, and
other factors of your chosen
location. Sunrise will also
provide you with estimates of
retail sales and revenue.
This sentence contains two
sets of passive verbs. Again, it
de-emphasizes who will
create the plan and lacks an
action-oriented tone. It is also
wordy. It contains 33 words.
These sentences clearly
identifies that Sunrise will
conduct the analyses. It is
action-oriented. It is also easier
to read. It breaks the thoughts
into two sentences of 21 and 12
words, respectively.
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While active voice is the preferred writing style for most business
writing, passive voice is sometimes better when attempting to avoid
blaming others or sounding bossy. Some research reports also use
passive voice to emphasize neutrality (see Table 6.10 ).
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TABLE 6.10 Using Active Voice Appropriately
Less Effective (Active Voice) More Effective (Passive Voice)
Since you did not meet the
financial criteria, we have
denied your application for a
Sunrise franchise.
Since financial criteria were not
met, your application for a
Sunrise franchise was not
accepted at this time.
This active verb construction
emphasizes the reader’s
failures.
This passive verb construction
provides the bad news without
assigning blame or directly
pointing out failure.
You need to complete the
application forms carefully for
us to seriously consider your
application.
Application forms that are
completed carefully allow us to
better determine the merit of
your application.
This active verb construction
might be perceived as bossy
(sounds like an order) or
demeaning (implies the reader
is not smart enough to
understand basic procedures).
This passive verb construction
emphasizes the importance of
carefully completing the forms
without directly implying the
reader is likely to make
elementary mistakes.
Use Short and Familiar Words and
Phrases
Whenever possible, choose short, conversational, and familiar words.
Using longer, less common words to “sound smart” rarely pays off. They
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Page 179slow processing and distract from your message. They may
even inadvertently send the signal that you are out of touch,
quirky, or even arrogant (see Table 6.11 ).
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TABLE 6.11 Using Short, Familiar Words and Phrases
Less Effective More Effective
Sunrise advocates that you seek
consultation with us during the
application process.
Sunrise suggests that you
seek our advice during the
application process.
Advocates is a word that is less
familiar to many
readers.
Furthermore, advocates and
consultation are words that may
suggest the need for legal
counsel to some readers.
This sentence contains short,
familiar words that allow for
ease of reading.
Sunrise bestows you with many
opulent greeting cards and
singular flower arrangements
that can only be found in Sunrise
stores.
Sunrise provides you with
many upscale greeting cards
and unique flower
arrangements that can only
be found in Sunrise stores.
This sentence contains
infrequently used adjectives
(opulent, singular). These terms
sound overblown and will
confuse many readers.
This sentence contains
shorter, more familiar terms
that capture the intended
meaning.
To facilitate this course of action,
we organize a convivial annual
retreat for
store
owners and
managers where we collectively
To help make this happen,
we organize a fun-filled
annual retreat where store
owners and managers can
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discuss our mutual challenges,
solutions, and
opportunities.
discuss our shared
problems,
solutions, and
opportunities.
This sentence contains rarely
used or stuffy words (course of
action, convivial, collectively,
mutual) that will frustrate many
readers.
This sentence avoids stuffy,
formal-business-sounding
words (course of action,
collectively, mutual) and
replaces them with shorter,
more conversational words.
Use Parallel Language
Using parallel language means that you apply a consistent grammatical
pattern across a sentence or paragraph. Parallelism is most important
when you use series or lists. For example, when you describe a product
with three characteristics, use the same grammatical pattern for each—
that is, for example, choose adjectives or nouns or verbs for all of them.
When you use consistent grammatical patterns for items in lists and
series, readers can process the information far more naturally and quickly
(see Table 6.12 ).
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TABLE 6.12 Using Parallel Language
Less Effective More Effective
Our customers are refined
and purchase high-end
products.
Our customers are refined and
upscale.
The two characteristics of
customers are not parallel.
They are in the following
pattern: adjective and verb–
object.
The two characteristics of
customers are parallel. They are
both adjectives.
OR
Our customers appreciate refined
craftsmanship and purchase high-
end products.
The two characteristics of
customers are parallel. They both
follow verb–
object patterns.
Sunrise will work directly
with you to create a
marketing plan, develop a
budgeting plan, and break-
even analysis.
Sunrise will work directly with you
to create a marketing plan,
budgeting plan, and break-even
analysis.
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The three items in the list
are not parallel. They are in
the
following pattern: verb–
object, verb–object, noun.
The three items in the list are
parallel. They are each nouns
(each are objects of the verb
create).
OR
Sunrise will work directly with you
to create a marketing plan,
develop a budgeting plan, and
set up a break-even analysis.
The three items in the list are
parallel. They each follow verb–
object patterns.
Profit level depends on
many factors, including
choosing the right location,
market demand, square
footage, and managing the
store
effectively.
Profit level depends on many
factors, including location, market
demand, square footage, and
management.
The four factors do not have
matching grammatical
patterns. They are in the
following pattern: verb–
object, noun, noun, verb–
object.
The four factors are parallel. They
are each nouns.
OR
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Profit level depends on many
factors, including choosing the
right location, meeting market
demands, leasing adequate store
space, and managing the store
effectively.
The four factors are parallel. They
each follow a verb–object
pattern.
Avoid Buzzwords and Figures of Speech
To keep your writing natural and engaging, make sure you don’t distract
your readers with overused or out-of-place words or phrases. Buzzwords,
which are workplace terms that become trite because of overuse, can stir
negative feelings among some readers. In Table 6.13 , you can see
one list of annoying buzzwords cited in a recent survey of executives.
(Dozens of such lists exist because business professionals become so
agitated by these overused words.)
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TABLE 6.13 The Most Annoying Buzzwords
Leverage At the end of the day
Reach out Synergy
It is what it is Solution
Viral Think outside the box
Game changer On the same page
Disconnect Customer-centric
Value-add Do more with less
Circle back Downsizing
Cutting edge Overworked
Source: “WHAT’S THE BUZZ? Survey Reveals Most Overused Workplace Terms,” online article
retrieved July 2014.
Figures of speech, such as idioms and metaphors, which contain
nonliteral meanings, are generally out of place or inappropriate in
business writing. Because they are nonliteral, they lack the precise
meanings needed in business. Also, some idioms and metaphors have
become so clichéd that they have lost almost all meaning (see
Table 6.14 ).
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TABLE 6.14 Avoiding Buzzwords and Figures of Speech
Less Effective More Effective
Do you want to make your wildest dreams
come true?
There are many reasons for
owning a Sunrise store.
Owning a Sunrise
store can help
you reach your
financial dreams
and satisfy your
wish to be your
own boss.
Making your wildest dreams come true is a
figure of speech that sounds unbelievable to
most readers.
This sentence is
more believable.
It avoids
exaggerated
figures of speech
but remains
extremely
positive and
future-oriented.
We also create a tight-knit group of store
owners and managers who share tricks of
the trade with one another.
We create a tight-
knit group of
store owners and
managers who
share ideas
about improving
our brand and
sales
performance.
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Tricks of the trade is a figure of speech that
is more appro priate in oral communication.
Some readers may be unfamiliar with the
phrase. In any case, it could create
confusion.
This sentence is
more specific. It
explains what
expertise is
shared and
discussed among
owners and
managers.
To this end, we organize an annual retreat
that is a total blast for store owners and
managers and that provides synergistic,
win–win solutions and proactive approaches
to managing our stores.
To help make this
happen, we
organize a fun-
filled annual
retreat for store
owners and
managers where
they can share
and discuss
problems,
solutions, and
opportunities.
These sentences contain various figures of
speech that readers may not receive well. A
total blast is slang. Not only can slang be
misunderstood, but it can also serve as a
generation marker. Slang goes out of style
and can make you look out of date. Other
slang will highlight how young you are. The
combination of buzzwords (synergistic, win–
win, proactive) in the second sentence will
annoy some readers.
This sentence,
without the
excessive slang
and buzzwords,
is easy to read.
Readers can
rapidly process
this sentence and
relate to its tone.
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Avoid It Is/There Are
Readers naturally want to know precisely who or what the subject of a
sentence is, particularly in business writing, where specificity is so
important. Most sentences that begin with it is or there are fail
to provide a specific subject and generally contain more words
than necessary. A message can be particularly awkward when many of
the sentences begin with it is or there are. By rewording it is/there are
statements, you generally liven up your writing.
One way of recognizing when to reword it is statements is to ask the
question what does it refer to? If you don’t know the answer, your
readers won’t either. Consider the second sentence in Table 6.15 : It is
wonderful to see happy customers day in and day out. What does it refer
to? Recognizing what it is requires you to think for a few seconds. By
rewording the sentence, you can provide a more descriptive, concise, and
natural statement: Seeing happy customers day in and day out is
wonderful. After considering the examples in Table 6.15 , read the Te
chnology Tips in the “Reviewing Your Message” section for ways
that you can use your word processing program to further improve your
writing.
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TABLE 6.15 Avoiding It Is and There Are
Less Effective More Effective
There are many reasons for
owning a Sunrise store.
Owning a Sunrise store has
many benefits.
This sentence contains 9
words.
This sentence contains 7
words.
It is wonderful to see happy
customers day in and day out.
Seeing happy customers day in
and day out is wonderful.
This sentence contains 12
words.
This sentence contains 10
words.
It is great to be in a line of
business where there are such
extremely loyal customers.
In this line of business,
customers are extremely loyal.
This sentence contains 17
words.
This sentence contains 9
words.
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CHAPTER 6
Improving
Readability with
Style and Design
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ESTABLISHING CREDIBILITY
PRINCIPLES OF INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION
PRINCIPLES FOR & TYPES OF BUSINESS MESSAGES
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Learning Objectives
After studying this chapter, you should be able to do the
following:
LO6.1 Describe and apply the following principles
of writing style that improve ease of reading:
completeness, conciseness, and natural
processing.
LO6.2 Explain and use navigational design to
improve ease of reading.
LO6.3 Describe and apply the components of the
reviewing stage, including a FAIR test,
proofreading, and feedback.
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Hear Pete Cardon
explain why this
matters.
bit.ly/cardon6
WHY DOES THIS MATTER?
In Chapter 5 , we
focused on getting your
message right with the AIM
planning process. Then we
introduced the importance
of tone as you begin
formally drafting your
message. In this chapter, we
focus on style and design—
the next considerations as
you draft your message. At
this point, your entire focus
should be making your
message easy to read.
In short, your audience members—whether executives,
managers, other professionals, or clients and customers—
are typically preoccupied with many projects and
overwhelmed with messages and information. When you
make your messages easy to read, your audience is more
likely to read them carefully and understand them as you
intended.
Many of the principles in this chapter focus on simplifying
your words and sentences. This should not be confused
with oversimplifying and minimizing your message. Your
messages should contain the best of ideas with strong
support. If your message is difficult to read, however, your
ideas may not even be considered.
In this chapter, we discuss four broad goals. The first three
goals relate to writing style and include being complete,
concise, and natural. The final goal is to design your
1
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document for rapid navigation. Throughout the chapter, you
will find less effective and more effective examples of each
of these style and design elements. These examples come
directly from the chapter case. Make sure to skim –
Stephanie’s original difficult-to-read brochure draft (see
Figure 6.1 ) so you understand the context for the chapter
examples. By the end of the chapter, you will see the
revisions that result in the final version of the brochure (see
Figure 6.3 ).
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FIGURE 6.1
Stephanie’s Original, Difficult-to-Read Brochure
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CHAPTER CASE: PROMOTING FRANCHISES AT SUNRISE
GREETING CARDS AND FLOWERS
THE SITUATION
Over the past 20 years, Sunrise Greeting Cards and Flowers
has succeeded far beyond Stephanie Jorgenson’s original
expectations. Her model of high-end greeting cards, flower
arrangements, and other special-occasion gifts appealed to a
growing customer base. In fact, even with increasing
accessibility to low-end greeting cards at department
stores
and free e-cards, she found that her customers had grown
more loyal and purchased more than ever.
In recent years, Stephanie has received many requests from
people to open
franchises
. Because she was not in a position
to expand as quickly as the market seemed to dictate, she
thought franchising would be a good option.
Six months ago, she hired a franchising consultant,
who provided her with a basic strategy and action
plan to make franchising possible. With her top management
team, she set up the basic terms for franchises.
Stephanie Jorgenson,
owner and founder
© Ariel Skelley/Blend Images LLC
Started her greeting
card business 20 years
ago
Has expanded to 32
stores
Wants to set up
franchises
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One of Stephanie’s immediate goals was to produce a
brochure to explain opportunities for franchisee opportunities.
Stephanie had thought carefully about the audience for the
brochure. She wanted financially strong and ambitious
individuals. She also wanted people with a strong sense of
optimism and customer orientation. She felt that success in her
business was strongly related to genuine delight in helping
others celebrate their special moments.
In terms of message structure, she had seen a number of
brochures that she felt could be good models. Generally, they
included an introductory message from the company
president. Then, they typically contained information about
financial qualifications and application procedures. She wanted
a brochure that would be upbeat but also clear about the
strong financial position needed to qualify for a franchise.
Her plan was to distribute the brochure personally to contacts
at industry expos she attended throughout the year. She also
envisioned mailing it, placing it on the company website, and
sending it by email.
Stephanie drafted a document (see Figure 6.1 ) for the
brochure. She asked several of her colleagues for input on the
content. They all told her the same thing: “This is hard to read.”
TASK
1. How can Stephanie improve the writing style of the
document so that potential franchisees will easily read it?
(See the “Improving Ease of Reading with
Completeness ,” “Improving Ease of Reading with
Conciseness ,” and “Improving Ease of Reading with
Natural Style ” sections.)
2. How can Stephanie improve her document’s navigational
design so that potential franchisees can find important
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pieces of information rapidly? (See the “Improving Ease of
Reading with Navigational Design ” section.)
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LO
6
.3 Describe and apply the
components of the
reviewing stage, including
a FAIR test, proofreading,
and feedback.
Reviewing Your Message
You will recall from Chapter 5 that
expert business writers use their time
differently than do average business writers
(see Figure 5.2 in Chapter 5 ). They
devote more time to planning and
reviewing and proportionately less time to
drafting. They spend most of their time—
before and after drafting—carefully
thinking about how the message will
influence and affect others.
Many business professionals get anxious to send their messages as soon as they finish
drafting them. It is human nature to want to move on to the next task. Resist the urge to move
on without carefully reviewing your messages. During the reviewing stage, you will improve
your message, making it far more successful. You will also minimize the possibility of
embarrassing and damaging mistakes.
The reviewing process includes three
interrelated components: conducting the
FAIR test, proofreading, and getting
feedback (not generally needed for routine
messages). These reviewing components
ensure that you show fairness, get the
message right, avoid errors, and get
perspectives from trusted colleagues. For short, routine messages (one to four paragraphs),
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expert business writers can often check for fairness and proofread in just a few minutes. For
long, important messages, such as business proposals or business plans, the reviewing stage
may take weeks or months.
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TECHNOLOGY TIPS
USING SPELLING AND GRAMMAR CHECKS
Most word processing software programs contain
spelling and grammar checks to help you avoid
misspellings and grammatical mistakes. Many of
these programs, such as Microsoft Word, also
have tools to evaluate writing style and ease of
reading. Typically, these tools are not set by
default. You will need to manually select them. (In
Microsoft Word, you can access these additional tools by changing settings in
the Proofing area of Word Options.)
When you run spelling and grammar checks, you can review your document
sentence by sentence for passive voice, noun clusters, and other elements.
Once you finish the check, you will see a final calculation of readability
statistics. Keep in mind that the software is not perfect. Generally, however, it
will help you improve your writing style.
Source: Microsoft Office Word 2007
Source: Microsoft Office Word 2007
Source: Microsoft Office Word 2007
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Conduct a FAIR Test
In Chapter 1 , we introduced the FAIR test as a way of ensuring ethical business
communication. Of course, you will consider such issues during the planning and writing
stages. Also, during the review process you can also take the time to think about the degree to
which your entire message conforms to standards for facts, access, impacts, and respect. For
important messages—particularly those that involve complicated business issues—apply the
FAIR test:
Proofread
Proofreading involves rereading your entire document to make sure it is influential and
accurate. You might consider rereading each sentence several times, each time with a
different focus. On your first pass, place yourself in the position of your audience members.
Imagine how they will respond. On your second pass, check for problems with writing style
and language mechanics.
Get Feedback
As one business writing expert stated, one of the best ways to ensure that your
communication is effective and fair is to get feedback from others:
Ask some people whose judgment you respect to give it a test read and get
their reaction. Do they think it’s too energetic or hyperbolic for the audience
and the occasion? Or is it too frosty? Similarly, do they think the writing is
too distant or too familiar? What are the offending words or phrases? How
can they be changed to do the job at hand? Using test readers is hardly
rocket science, but those willing to go through this trouble invariably
produce more effective writing.
Facts: Are you confident in your facts? Are your assumptions clear? Have you avoided
slanting the facts or made other logical errors?
Access: Have you granted enough access to message recipients about decision making
and information? Have you granted enough access to the message recipients to provide
input? Are you open about your motives, or do you have a hidden agenda?
Impacts: Have you thought about how the message will impact various stakeholders?
Have you evaluated impacts on others from ethical, corporate, and legal perspectives?
Respect: Have you demonstrated respect for the inherent worth of others: their
aspirations, thoughts, feelings, and well-being? Have you shown that you value others?
6
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This advice reveals an important point: Your trusted colleagues are giving your message a
trial run—trying to simulate how the intended message recipient will respond. As they
review your message, they can provide insights about making it better. Before they begin to
read, ask them to consider whether you have framed the idea correctly, whether the business
logic holds up, whether the message has the intended effects, whether the tone is appropriate,
and so on. Effective business communicators make a habit of getting this advance feedback
for important messages. In the Communication Q&A with Ronald Scott, you can learn more
about the importance of clarity, tone, and accuracy in business writing.
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COMMUNICATION Q&A
CONVERSATIONS WITH CURRENT
BUSINESS PROFESSIONALS
Pete Cardon: How important are writing skills in
the workplace?
Ronald Scott: They are vital. Members of my staff
are regularly required to take complex and
technical ordinance language and explain it in
plain terms to citizens or customers. This requires
the ability to capture the essence and translate it
into simple language that the customer can
understand and act on. In today’s workplace,
having good writing skills is an asset that will
distinguish an employee from his or her peers. One of the first opportunities an
employer has to assess writing skills is when he or she reviews an application
for employment or a résumé. A basic review of these two documents can
either thoroughly impress or completely horrify a potential employer.
PC: How much time do you spend writing? What types of writing?
RS: I spend approximately half my time writing. Examples include writing
emails; drafting letters to customers, citizens, and businesses; drafting letters
to local, state, and federal officials; reviewing and correcting written
documents and reports prepared by staff; creating policy and procedure
manuals; creating form letters; creating grant application and grant documents;
and creating budget documents and periodic budget reports.
PC: How formal is business writing?
RS: Typically, business writing is a formal means of communication. Recently,
one of my employees wrote a letter to a customer he knew quite well. After his
salutation he wrote, “How are you doing today? I hope you are doing well and
that you are feeling better.” While this language may have been acceptable for
Ronald Scott has been the
chief development officer at
Eau Claire Cooperative
Health Centers and the
director of community
development for Lexington
County in South Carolina.
He is currently a juris doctor
candidate at the University
of South Carolina.
Courtesy of Ronald Scott
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an in-person exchange, it seemed too casual and inappropriate for a business
letter.
PC: What kinds of writing mistakes do you see most often in the workplace?
How damaging are these mistakes? Could you give a recent example?
RS: In my profession we often communicate with large businesses about the
cost of development permits for large projects. Some permit fees can be in
excess of $50,000. A missing zero in a letter estimating permit fees can make
a big difference when a business is preparing its budget. Recently, an
employee addressed a letter to a customer about a code violation. He wrote,
“You will not need a building permit to complete this work.” He intended to
write, “You will need a building permit to complete this work.” What a
difference one word made. Some delicate negotiations were necessary to
make the situation right with that customer.
PC: How is writing in the workplace different from writing for school
projects?
RS: Business writing requires you to maintain business relationships (even
when giving bad news), build and maintain company loyalty and morale, retain
customers/clients, and portray a positive image for yourself and your company.
Academic writing focuses more on its subject than on the reader’s reactions or
on the goal of cultivating a long relationship with the reader. When writing for
business purposes, we need to make sure we do not hamper business
transactions and workflow due to misuse of language, inappropriate
expressions and emotions, or lack of empathy.
