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To complete this exercise, you need open the file that i posted and follow all instructions in the file. NB: No points will be awarded if you do not track changes as you revise for plain language. You need to finish it in 8 hours from now.
Information Design Exercise Components
Points Per Component
IDE #1: Revising for Plain Language
35 points
Plain Language Revision
The first information design exercise allows you to practice editing for “plain language.”
You can achieve the “plain language” style in most documents by following a few basic guidelines: organize information for your reader, address people with pronouns, use short sentences, use action verbs, avoid action nouns, etc. In completing this packet of exercises, you will practice these skills in isolation. You will need all of them to complete the first major assignment.
To complete IDE #1, follow these steps:
1. Turn on the “Track Changes” feature in Microsoft word.
a. From the “Review” tab, turn on “Track Changes” option. The following image is from Word for Mac 2015. Make sure you have “All Markup” selected from the dropdown menu next to the Track Changes toggle button.
2. Make a small change to verify that you are tracking your changes. For example, delete this test phrase: Delete me.
3.
Complete the following 6 exercises by editing as directed.
Exercise 1: Organizing to Serve the Reader
This set of rules about driving on the beach is not organized clearly. Add no more than five “question” headings to create groups and clarify the structure of the material. You don’t need to revise the language extensively. Just add or replace headings to create information chunks with plain-language labels.
(3) Travel restrictions. The operation of a motor vehicle on oversand routes is subject to all applicable provisions of this chapter, including part 4 as well as the specific provisions of this section.
(i) Route limits.
(a) On the beach, a vehicle operator will drive in a corridor extending from a point 10 feet seaward of the spring high tide drift line to the berm crest. An operator may drive below the berm crest only to pass a temporary cut in the beach, but will regain the crest immediately following the cut. Delineator posts mark the landward side of the corridor in critical areas.
(b) On an inland oversand route, a vehicle operator will drive only in a lane designated by pairs of delineator posts showing the sides of the route.
(ii) An oversand route is closed at any time that tides, nesting birds or surface configuration prevent vehicle travel within the designated corridor.
(iii) When two vehicles meet on the beach, the operator of the vehicle with the water on the left will yield.
(iv) When two vehicles meet on a single-lane oversand route, the operator of the vehicle in the best position to yield will pull out of the track only so far as necessary to allow the other vehicle to pass safely, and then will move back into the established track before resuming the original direction of travel.
(v) When the process of freeing a vehicle that has been stuck results in ruts or holes, the operator will fill the ruts or holes created by such activity before removing the vehicle from the immediate area.
(vi) The following are prohibited:
(a) Driving off a designated oversand route.
(b) Exceeding a speed of 15 miles per hour unless posted otherwise.
(c) Parking a vehicle in an oversand route so as to obstruct traffic.
(d) Riding on a fender, tailgate, roof, door or any other location on the outside of a vehicle.
(e) Driving a vehicle across a designated swimming beach at any time when it is posted with a sign prohibiting vehicles.
(f) Operating a motorcycle on an oversand route.
(vii) Boat trailering and launching by permitted ORVs in designated open route corridors is permitted.
Exercise 2: Using “you” and “we” to engage the user and to save words
In the samples below, replace the words that refer to the agency and the user with pronouns. Make no other changes, except those needed for grammatical correctness.
1. The applicant will be the primary source of information regarding his circumstances for the purposes of determining eligibility and need. If the Secretary needs to secure information from other sources, the Secretary will ask the applicant to authorize the release of information. The Secretary will inform the applicant of the kinds of information needed and the source to be used.
2. To establish eligibility for selection to receive a grant, an applicant must show that:
(a) The applicant is an Indian;
(b) The present housing of the applicant is substandard and inadequate in terms of capacity to meet the physical needs of the family;
(c) The applicant has been denied, or is ineligible for, housing assistance from other sources.
(d) The economic resources of the applicant are inadequate or the applicant is ineligible to obtain housing from other sources.
Exercise 3: Recognizing Passive Verbs
Type a subject before all the verb phrases (as I did for row 1). Then highlight all the passive verb phrases in the grid (as I did for row 1). There is only one in each row.
a
b
c
d
1. the letter was written
Mary will write
Bill has written
Jane is writing
2. shall deliver
may deliver
is delivering
is delivered
3. has sent
were sent
will send
are sending
4. should revoke
will be revoking
have revoked
to be revoked
5. were mailing
have been mailed
having mailed
will mail
6. may be requesting
are requested
have requested
will request
Changing Passive to Active
Change the passive voice to active in the examples below. Think carefully about agency and action. Who is notifying, publishing, and posting? You may need to recover a missing agent.
The public shall be notified by the bureau of a proposed action.
Notice shall be published in local newspapers and posted at utility offices.
Notices shall be published and posted at least 30 days before the scheduled effective date of the operations manual.
Exercise 4: Shortening Sentences
Turn each of the samples below into two shorter sentences. Don’t lose any important detail in revising.
1. If you are a party to an appeal, and you want to supplement the record or any Statement of Facts and Issues at any time after the Department deems the record complete under § 4.916 through the time additional responsive pleadings are filed under § 4.940, you must file any additional material together with a written request for permission to IBLA (or an Assistant Secretary who is deciding your appeal under § 4.933) to supplement the record or any Statement of Facts and Issues.
2. If you submit a bond to the Regional Director executed on a form approved under paragraph (b) of this section that you have reproduced or generated by use of a computer and that document omits terms or conditions contained in the text of the form approved by the Director, the bond you submit will be deemed to contain those terms and conditions.
Exercise 5: Avoiding Confusing and Wordy Language
The samples in this exercise suffer from wordiness and awkward construction. See how many errors you can repair.
1. We will promptly review your proposal and provide you with a nonbinding determination of the guidance you request.
2. If we find that the evidence you submit is convincing, we may grant a reduction in the amount of supplemental bond required.
3. We will send to the applicant copies of any comments made by State or local governments on the applicant’s request after the comment period has ended.
4. We periodically will publish a list of aggregation points and the associated market centers. We will monitor market activity and, if necessary, add to or modify the list of market centers and aggregation points and will publish such modifications.
5. A performance system will allow for the development of new and innovative training techniques and methodologies and allow companies added flexibility in tailoring their training to the specific job duties of their employees.
Exercise 6: Making Lists
Use lists to simplify the material below. Follow this procedure:
A. Add a colon where you need one to signal where the list begins.
B. Convert the phrase before the colon into a complete sentence.
C. Put each list item on its own line.
D. Insert item numbers before the list items.
E. Make minor word changes to avoid usage errors.
1. Failure to file an answer within the 30-day period may be treated as a consent to the award requested, unless the Department or other agency requests an extension of time for filing or files a statement of intent to negotiate under paragraph (b) of this section.
2. The applicant and the operator must provide a statement in the permit application as to whether it is a corporation, partnership, sole proprietorship, or other business entity and the taxpayer identification numbers.
3. If you determine the value of your oil under this subpart, you must retain all data relevant to the determination of royalty value. You must be able to show how you calculated the value you reported, including all adjustments for location, quality, and transportation, and how you complied with the requirements of this subpart.
4. The Superintendent or Area Director will provide you a written notice specifying the action that we will take under this part and explaining the reason(s) for the action. The notice will be delivered to you by certified mail or in person. The notice will include your appeal rights under § 70.10.
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Exercise #1 Contains no more than five ‘question’ headings to create groups and clarify the structure of the material. |
6.0 pts |
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Exercise #2 Successfully replaces words referring to the user and the organization with pronouns such as “we” and “you” to engage the reader. If needed, sentences may contain minor revisions to maintain grammatical correctness. |
6.0 pts |
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Exercise #3 Recognizing Passive Verbs: Provides a subject for all verb phrases in each row; identifies passive verb phrase in each row by highlighting it. Changing Passive to Active Successfully changes passive to active voice in all examples; if necessary, revised for clarity and to add an agent if one is missing. |
5.0 pts |
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Exercise #4 Both paragraphs are revised to two, shorter sentences. No important details are omitted. |
6.0 pts |
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Exercise #5 All five samples are successfully revised for concision and clarity. |
6.0 pts |
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Exercise #6 All four samples have been revised to create lists to simplify and clarify the material. This procedure has clearly been followed: A. A colon has been added to signal where the list begins. B. The phrase before the colon has been converted into a complete sentence. C. Each list item is located on its own line. D. Item numbers have been inserted before the list items. E. Only minor word changes have been made to avoid usage errors. |
6.0 pts |
