ENG121 Personal-essay draft

Use the techniques described in sections 6.3 and 6.4 of Essentials of College Writing and expand upon the prewriting done in the discussion forum for the past three weeks to provide specific details about the person, place, object, or event so that readers can visualize the subject and/or feel present in the story. Your description should be specific and appeal to the five senses. Please be sure to read and review the “Example Personal Essay – Draft” document before beginning your draft for more guidance on writing a descriptive essay.  This rough draft needs to be at least 550 words, and it should have a thesis statement that clearly states what you are going to be writing about. View the sample Personal Essay – Draft to guide you as you complete this assignment.  For more information about writing thesis statements, visit the Ashford Writing Center (Links to an external site.)Links to an external site. and review Chapter 5 of Essentials of College Writing.  The point of a draft is to allow your instructor to get a good sense of your organizational writing skills, examine your use of the strategies of narration or description, and provide you with feedback you can incorporate into the Final Essay that is due in Week Five.

hello i have downloaded my personal essay draft that i have already wrote my teacher made comments now i need to incorprate that into my personal essay also read the notes above when sdding to this personal essay. i have also added a sample persoanl essay to help if needed. thanks

Running head: GOING BACK TO SCHOOL 1

Going Back to School

Melissa Maclean

ENG 121 English Composition 1

Jeremy Pilarski

January 1, 2018

GOING BACK TO SCHOOL 2

Going Back to School

The modern world has several adults who are pursuing education for various reasons that include getting a sense of accomplishment, job security, and career advancement. For instance, acquiring a degree can assist an individual stay ahead of the immense competition for jobs in the contemporary workplace. In this regard, I decided to go back to school for self-fulfillment, advance my career and have better pay, act as a role model to my children and set their education standards, and increase my chances of getting a better and well-paying job as well as rise to the management levels.

Since my childhood, I have had a dream of achieving the highest possible level of Education because of my immense passion for learning. However, my goal of pursuing further education has been delayed some circumstances in my life delayed, but hope has never been lost. In this regard, I have always taken advantage of opportunities to learn at home, at work or at school with the expectation that one day; I will enroll in a university to acquire more knowledge in the field of my career. Since I believe that advancing education is essential for both career advancement and for living a good life, I decided to go back to school to fulfill this dream. Therefore, I will mark my graduation day as a point of self-fulfillment in reaching the desired level of education and a significant milestone towards the achievement of my goals in life.

Notably, in the modern world, several graduates are joining the workforce; subsequently, making the working environment more competitive than ever before. Therefore, because of the increase of graduates, the employers are currently seeking to employ people with university degrees and encouraging their employees to go back to school to advance their education. As such, the number of people simultaneously working, and learning has tremendously increased over the last few years. In this case, I decided to go back to school too I improve my credentials and be able to compete with the other fresh graduates. Furthermore, the competitive world requires a continuous upgrade of skills, which is enhanced by a university degree among different methods. Also, seeing a significant number of people lose their jobs because of low levels of education created an immense fear of losing mine and failing to secure another one. In this regard, I felt that going back to school was the best way of dealing with the fear. Therefore, I decided to go back to school to improve my chances of getting a better paying job, advance my career as well as rise to managerial levels. I have realized that most of the well-paying and managerial openings require a university degree; hence, believe that obtaining one would increase my chances of rising through the ranks in my current workplace or landing a prime job elsewhere since it comes along with advanced skills.

Although I have gained experience in my career, it is inadequate to guarantee job security due to the competitive state of the job market. In this regard, I decided to go back to school to increase my job security and avoid early retirement that may arise as many companies start laying off workers due to the hard economic times. I also felt that even if I lost my job at my current workplace, a combination of a degree and experience would help me secure a position at another place; hence, avoid early retirement. Availability of online degree programs, which have considerably eased learning while working was also a significant source of motivation when deciding to go back to school. Notably, the online approach to attaining a degree is flexible since it does not require my physical presence at the university; hence, I can comfortably study and do all the assignments after work and during weekends from home.

Lastly, like many parents, I decided to go back to school to set an example and act as a role model to my children. I believe that convincing my children to advance their education will be more accessible to me when having an advanced level of knowledge than without. Also, I feel that going back to school is an excellent way to prove to my children that education is essential; therefore, motivate them to follow my educational path.

Apparently, my decision to go back to school for an undergraduate degree was motivated by the full range of benefits attributed to advanced education levels, which include increasing the potential to earn a higher salary; hence, improve living standard, intensifying job security, as well as extending chances to advance to managerial positions, strengthen job satisfaction, and reducing early retirement risk. I am aware that these benefits will not occur automatically, and I will need to continue improving my skills and acquire more knowledge regarding my field of career. Nevertheless, I plan to undertake master and doctorate degrees in the line of my job after completing mine undergraduate degree in supply chain management.

· Jeremy Pilarski

8:53am Jan 5 at 8:53am

Melissa,

Strong reasons for going to college in your draft. See if you can expand the idea of setting an example for your children.  What do your children to say to you as you work hard to achieve your degree? Also, what do you say to them?  Add some conversation to your decision to attend college, either internal or external.

Manage Discussion Entry

·

Go To Parent

Melissa,
Strong reasons for going to college in your draft. See if you can expand the idea of setting an example for your children.  What do your children to say to you as you work hard to achieve your degree? Also, what do you say to them?  Add some conversation to your decision to attend college, either internal or external.

Game Day 1

Purpose: Use this example assignment to explore important elements that make this an
exemplary submission. Hover over the information symbol ( ) or select the numbers within
the text to read about what the student has done well in this assignment.

(1) Game Day

Ashford University

EXAMPLE

Game Day 2

(2) Game Day

(3) [It was 6:30 AM my freshman year of High School. As I laid bed, the sun just

beginning to seep through the closed blinds, I realized the day I had been waiting for all summer

was here. Game day was here. I was the quarterback for my freshman football team and the

butterflies in my stomach felt like a pack of monarch butterflies that can only be found in remote

areas near the Amazon.]

Like a young child on Christmas morning, I hardly needed my alarm clock that began to

chirp. As I rolled over to turn off the alarm, I heard a familiar knock on the door. Most days, this

knock was the first thing I heard in the morning. Not today. Not on game day.

“Son?” the voice said, “are you awake yet?”

“Yes, dad, I am, just getting up” I replied.

“Ok” he said. “I’m getting ready to head out for work and won’t see you before kickoff. Get

dressed and come see me, I have something for you.”

“Ok!” I replied with excitement. “I’ll be right there!”

(4) [That morning must have set the record for any high school kid getting dressed for school. At

my high school, it was tradition to wear jerseys on game day. I can still remember the fresh smell

of a brand new football jersey, free of the impeding grass stains, blood, sweat and tears that

would fill the jersey at season’s end. My jersey was neatly folded on top of my favorite pair of

jeans, socks, underwear and shoes. I quickly dressed and hurried to the kitchen to catch my dad

before he left for the day.]

“Good morning son, how are you feeling? Get any sleep last night” he said while smiling.

“Yeah, I had a good night’s rest” I lied. He knew I was lying too, but no big deal.

“I have something for you” he said. He pulled out small bag and handed it too me.

Game Day 3

0As I opened the small bag with anticipation, I pulled out its content. It was small, white, Nike

towel with Velcro designed to hang from my football belt. Stitched above the Nike symbol was

the number 12. It was the number he wore as a high school quarterback and the number I had

chose to carry on the family tradition. (5) [I will never always remember what he said as I

hugged him and thanked him for the towel.]

(6) [“Son” he said, “I know your nervous. Today is a big day and something you have worked

extremely hard for. A lot of people will go through life and never get to feel the feeling you have

in your stomach right now. Those feelings you have are good; it means you are ready. If you

weren’t nervous, you wouldn’t care. No matter how the game goes tonight, remember that I’ll

always love you and support you. Nothing can happen in this game that would make me feel

otherwise. Do the best you can, have fun and compete as hard as you can. If you do that, I can

promise you good things will happen!”]

At that moment, those monarch butterflies flew away and the sense of relief I felt like the

weight of 1000 pianos had been lifted off my shoulders.

“Thanks, Dad.” I said. “Thanks for the towel, I can’t wait to wear it, I wish we could play now!”

“Sounds great, son. I’ll see you tonight, go get em’!” he said.

As my older brother drove us to school that day, I felt like a king. It’s amazing how a person can

go from feeling incredible nervousness and channel those emotions into confidence and

readiness. My dad knew what I was feeling and how to fix it. (7) [I’m sure he had that towel for

weeks and was dying to give it to me, but he understood the nerves on game day are like none

other. I’m glad he waited; his timing, love and support were the greatest feeling I’ve ever

known.]

Game Day 4

Comments (color and number coded):

1. Since this is a rough draft, you will not have to worry too much about APA. However, you
will need to have a properly formatted APA title page when you turn in your final draft. Return

2. The student met the minimum word count, made an attempt at a thesis, and wrote a coherent
and comprehensible draft. As a result, the student received a good grade on this assignment.
Return

3. Here the student introduces the topic for his personal essay and establishes the importance of
his topic. Return

The topic is “game day” and the significance behind this personal narrative is that he is the
quarterback for his freshman football team and they are playing their first game of the season.

In your own personal narrative, you must have an engaging introduction paragraph that interests
the reader and states your thesis.

4. The student builds upon his thesis by showing the excitement and importance of game day and
how awake and energetic he is. This rising action allows readers to follow the plot line and
creates a sort of tension that makes us want to continue reading. Return

5. Here the student accidentally wrote “never” instead of “always”. Proofreading is important,
and is something that your instructor and the Ashford Writing Center will help you with! As with
any rough draft, it is perfectly ok to have spelling and grammar errors. At this stage in the
writing process, we want you to focus on getting your thoughts out on paper in the most
organized way you can. It is after you receive feedback on your rough draft that you will go back
and edit and revise your work. You can also visit the Ashford Writing Center for more help and
tips on proofreading. Return

6. As with any personal narrative, it is important to include any poignant dialogue. This brings
the essay to life and also emphasizes important elements that support the thesis. Return

7. This is a great reminder of the significance of the towel that his father gave him. The student
relates the importance of the towel and how it made him feel on his important game day.

However, one thing that the student needs to clarify in his thesis is that game day was not only

https://awc.ashford.edu/writing-tools-proofreading.html

Game Day 5

significant because of the emotional weight it carried, but because it was the day his father gave
him something very meaningful.

Moving forward with the rough draft:

As this student revises his essay, he will need to strengthen his thesis to incorporate the
importance of his father’s gift and it’s relation to game day. He will also have to edit and revise
for clarity and organization. Return

Writing is a form of personal freedom. It frees us from the mass
identity we see in the making all around us. In the end, writers will
write not to be outlaw heroes of some underculture but mainly to save
themselves, to survive as individuals.

—Don DeLillo

Learning Objectives

After reading this chapter, you
should be able to:

1. Explain the purpose of a personal
writing essay.

2. Recognize the different types of per-
sonal essays.

3. Identify the different components of
a personal writing assignment, such
as point of view, structure, tone, and
language usage.

4. Create personal essays that are aware
of the audience, have a strong plot,
have a clear point, use concrete
language, and properly incorporate
dialogue.

5. Generate essays with great descrip-
tions by being specific, appealing to
the senses, selecting the right details,
and utilizing comparisons.

6Personal Writing

©Deborah Harrison/Photographer’s
Choice/Getty Images

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CHAPTER 6Section

6.1 What Is Personal Writing?

As you have learned, there are four primary types of college writing: personal, expository,
persuasive/argument, and research assignments. You are probably familiar with personal
papers because they are frequently assigned in elementary and high school. For instance,
you may have written a paper describing what you did on your summer vacation, or you
may have shared your impressions of a book you read or a movie you saw. In college,
you will occasionally be asked to write a personal reflection or essay on a defined topic.
Although personal papers may not be the most common type of writing assignment you
will encounter in your college classes, you will most likely have some personal or narra-
tive writing assignments in your courses, and many of your academic papers will be com-
bination papers in which you must take a personal position on an issue. Perhaps you have
composed an essay about a significant person or event in your life or a paper reflecting on
your personal goals or what a college education means to you. Papers such as these can
be defined as personal papers. Developing a personal position on a subject can help you
clarify ideas, practice logical skills, and exercise your reasoning abilities.

6.1 What Is Personal Writing?

Personal writing may share a personal experience or perspec-tive, and it can be an effective
method for offering a viewpoint on
a text or an event. Writing from the
personal perspective may also allow
a writer to write more freely than he
or she otherwise would because it is
less burdened by formal conventions
than other types of writing. Personal
writing includes opinion papers,
reflective papers, response papers,
creative writing assignments, and
combination papers.

Ingram Publishing/Thinkstock
Personal writing allows you the freedom to express your
own ideas, thoughts, and beliefs in a creative manner,
often without having to adhere to the structure or
conventions of other writing styles.

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CHAPTER 6Section 6.1 What Is Personal Writing?

The Purpose of Personal Writing
Personal papers are usually written to accomplish one of the following purposes:

• Tell a story;
• Share a personal experience;
• Give a personal interpretation of an event;
• Describe a person, place, object, or event;
• Express personal feelings or opinions on a subject; or
• Entertain or provoke the audience.

When you write a personal paper, you express your own thoughts, ideas, and opinions
about a subject. Writing in Action: Week 2 Essay: Literary Elements illustrates questions that
could be asked for a personal paper on a film.

Writing in Action: Week 2 Essay: Literary Elements

Consider an interesting movie you have seen recently. Prepare a three-page paper about that movie
based on the following questions:

1. Keeping in mind what you have learned in class thus far about literary elements, what does
this movie mean to you?

2. What is this movie really about?
3. Is there a “moral to the story,” a theme to be explored, or a comment to think about?
4. What is the point of the movie?
5. Did you find this movie meaningful for you personally? Why or why not?

Recognizing Personal Writing Assignments
Personal papers can sometimes allow you to think through your position on a topic and
even aid you in writing an expository, persuasive, argumentative, or research paper. Many
of the required papers in your college courses will be combination papers that are a blend
of personal papers and one or more of the other types of college writing. Let us look at
some assignments that fall into the category of personal papers or have personal writing
components, as well as some that do not.

When It Is Not Personal
If a prompt is asking you to write an analysis, interpretation, objective account, or a
research paper, it is likely not asking you to write a personal essay or to integrate personal
elements. A prompt will clearly indicate that it is asking you to incorporate elements of
personal writing by asking you to discuss your feelings, experiences, memories, impres-
sions, or perspective. Ask yourself whether the assignment in any way is about you as a
person—if it is, then you should include personal elements, and if it is not, then no per-
sonal elements should be used. Table 6.1 provides a list of words in an essay prompt that

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CHAPTER 6Section 6.1 What Is Personal Writing?

would signal that the essay is not personal (but make sure it is not a combination essay
and doesn’t ask you to relate something from your personal life. See the examples given
in the sections “Opinion Papers” and “Combination Papers”).

Table 6.1: Key words in an essay prompt that signal nonpersonal writing

Give an objective account . . .

Assess the factual circumstances . . .

Offer an interpretation . . .

Produce a reading. . .

Research the historical underpinnings of . . .

Evaluate the consequences of the newly passed legislation . . .

Argue for the significance of the text’s theme of justice . . .

Keep in mind that Table 6.1 is not a complete list; look for terms in the writing prompt that
gesture toward objectivity or reasoned interpretation. If you are unsure whether or not
a prompt allows for any personal elements whatsoever, ask your instructor, but bear in
mind that the prompt will explicitly ask for this if it is what is required of you. The follow-
ing Writing in Action box, Personal Paper Assignments, provides examples of paper prompts
that specifically ask the writer to compose a personal paper.

Writing in Action: Personal Paper Assignments

You can recognize a personal paper assignment by key words or phrases in the assignment that ask
you for your opinion or your views on a subject. Key words and action verbs are underlined in the
following examples:

• Write about an experience in which you struggled with something and were unsuccessful and
discuss what you learned from the experience.

• Explain what you think about a current scientific or social controversy.
• Reflect on a person who had a strong impact on your life and the ways in which he or she

influenced you.
• Imagine that you have unlimited wealth and write about what you would do with your money

and why.
• What do you think has been the most important social or political movement of the 20th

century?

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CHAPTER 6Section 6.1 What Is Personal Writing?

Opinion Papers
Opinion papers express the writer’s point of view or opinion on a specific topic. They
may be personal papers if you are asked simply to give your opinion on an issue and
explain your point of view. An opinion is a personal viewpoint on a subject that may or
may not be supported with facts or evidence. However, if you are required to state your
opinion and then argue that point of view, your paper will be a combination of personal
and persuasive writing. This would be a hybrid paper that asks you to incorporate both
personal reflection and logical, nonpersonal argumentation. If you are writing this kind
of paper, you should keep the personal and argumentative sections of the paper separate
in order to show how your personal reflections contributed to your argument. This will
also help ensure that you include an argumentative, nonpersonal section to your paper.
For example, an opinion assignment may ask you to write an essay in which you discuss
whether or not you think you should buy products from a company who gives money to
something you do not personally support.

Reflective Papers
Personal papers may also be assigned when your instructors want you to think about
something you have read and to respond to it or discuss its meaning for you; these assign-
ments are often called reflective papers. However, if an assignment asks you to reflect,
discuss, or explain something, be careful. The words reflect, discuss, and explain all have
multiple meanings.

We reflect on something when we think about it and express our personal opinion or share
a personal story. However, the word reflect can also mean to carefully consider something
or to explore options. Instead of voicing your own opinion, a reflective paper assignment
may be asking you to consider an issue, to analyze a situation, or to explore options, based
on what you have learned in the course. This type of assignment requires an expository
paper, which we will discuss in Chapter 8. Similarly, if an assignment asks you to discuss
or explain an issue, you must look further at the assignment to determine whether you
are being asked to write a personal paper that discusses or explains your own opinion
or whether you are being asked to share information you have learned from your text or
from research. A reflective paper, for instance, may ask you to read an article on a current
event and then to reflect on the position stated there.

Response Papers
When you are asked to respond to material you have read by expressing your personal
opinion on a topic or to reflect on what you have read and share its meaning for you, your
instructors are looking for a specific type of response from you. Responses to reading,
like other personal papers, require that you state your opinion on an issue or reflect on
an issue and state your viewpoint about it, and they are written in first person. However,
unlike other personal papers, you do not choose the subject. Before you write a response,
you have most likely read about or discussed a controversial topic. A response paper usu-
ally requires you to think about the different points of view expressed in the material you
read or discussed and to take a personal stand on the issue. Because a response paper asks
you to begin by demonstrating that you understand the issue, it is usually best to begin
with the more objective third person. Notice that this is very different from the suggested
format discussed earlier for the combination personal and research paper.

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CHAPTER 6Section 6.1 What Is Personal Writing?

In this type of paper, you generally begin by presenting a brief overview of the issue
and the different viewpoints presented, to demonstrate that you understand both the
issue itself and the controversy surrounding it. This first part of the paper is expository
(see Chapter 8) and should therefore be written in third person. Then, you will switch
to a first-person point of view and share your opinion of the issue and state where you
stand on the issue. This part of the paper requires personal writing. Finally, you must
support your point of view by stating why you believe as you do and how you came to
adopt this perspective. Discuss what factors were most important to you in arriving at
a conclusion about the issue.

As you can see, papers that ask you to respond to reading share all the characteristics
of other personal papers outlined earlier in this chapter, but they also require that you
explore and explain your opinion, which is often a way to introduce you to expository
writing. A response paper could ask you to read two positions on the creation of constitu-
tional amendments—one for and one against—and then to develop a personal response
that indicates your viewpoint.

Creative Writing Assignments
The term creative writing refers to written works or artistic expressions whose purpose
is to create images or to express thoughts or feelings. It can also include information and
an implied or direct position. Creative writing can be considered personal writing and
includes genres, or categories, of writing such as short stories, novels, poetry, screenplays,
and creative nonfiction like biographies and memoirs. You may engage in creative writ-
ing as part of your college career if you take a dedicated creative writing course, if one
of your other courses has an assignment that involves creative writing, or if you decide
to pursue creative writing as an extracurricular activity. Journaling, and idea-generating
techniques like mind mapping and free-writing, covered in Chapter 4, are also examples
of personal creative writing.

Combination Papers
A combination paper may require you to combine elements of personal, expository, per-
suasive or argument, and research papers. For example, you may have an assignment
that asks you to state your opinion on a controversial issue (personal) and then to con-
duct research and find evidence both in support of and in opposition to your viewpoint
(research). This type of assignment combines elements of personal and research writing
in the same paper. In a combination paper such as this, you will write in first person
when you are stating your personal opinion and then switch to third person when you
report the information you found in your research. This would be an appropriate format
if the assignment asks you to first convey your personal opinion and then to lay out and
develop your reasoning afterward. The first person “I” is not appropriate when you dis-
cuss research because research is not personal but rather an objective interpretation. This
means that while others may have a different interpretation of the same research, it is not
“personal” to state your interpretation—therefore, the first person “I” is inappropriate. A
combination paper could ask you to do research about the extent to which American citi-
zens should have the freedom of speech before it begins to infringe on the rights of others
and then to formulate a viewpoint on this subject using the first person.

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CHAPTER 6Section

6.2 Personal Writing Conventions

6.2 Personal Writing Conventions

Before responding to a personal writing assignment, it is important to understand how to construct a personal paper. Personal writing generally calls for writing conventions that differ from those used in other types of writing, such as argument and exposi-
tion. For example, the tone, language, and structure used in a personal paper are often more
informal than in other paper types. The following sections will help guide you in choosing
the proper tone, language, point of view, and structure for writing a personal paper.

Tone and Language
Personal papers are generally written in a less formal, or even conversational, tone, and
the use of contractions and other types of informal language is often allowed, if it is appro-
priate to the story or the topic. Personal papers might also include dialogue, which should
be placed in quotation marks. However, it is important to remember that you are writing
for an academic audience and that the essay prompt may require you to include an intro-
duction and a thesis statement that makes a claim about the personal experience you
describe. The language in personal writing assignments should be appropriate, and the
paper must meet the writing requirements outlined in your course guide or syllabus. If
you are unsure of the type of language that is appropriate for a particular writing assign-
ment, make sure that you ask your instructor.

Point of View
Because you are sharing your personal viewpoint
on a subject, a personal paper is usually written
from a first-person point of view, which means you
are able to use pronouns such as I, me, my, we, and
our. However, personal papers are often narrative
and tell a story. In your paper, you might also tell
a story about another person. In this instance, as
the narrator, you would write from a third-person
point of view and refer to the person by name or
use the pronouns he, she, or they. This creates the
effect of a more distant narrator, one who seems to
be more objective precisely because the paper does
not use the first person “I” and therefore does not
seem to be speaking from personal opinion. Your
instructor will not likely ask you to write a creative
writing piece such as a short story, but the follow-
ing fiction excerpt from Mark Twain’s The Adven-
tures of Huckleberry Finn (1895) includes several of
the key elements of a personal paper. Read Writing
in Action: Excerpt From The Adventures of Huckle-
berry Finn for an example of how Twain employs a

Pantheon/SuperStock
The chosen style of narration can have
a significant effect on the tone and
effectiveness of personal writing. Mark
Twain’s Huckleberry Finn is defined by
the potentially unreliable narration of its
young and uneducated title character.

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CHAPTER 6Section 6.2 Personal Writing Conventions

first-person point of view to create a narrative from the perspective of a young boy growing
up in the antebellum South. In the excerpt, Huck is trying to decide if he should do what he
believes to be his duty and mail a letter reporting the whereabouts of Jim, who has escaped
from slavery.

Writing in Action: Excerpt From The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn

I felt good and all washed clean of sin for the first time I had ever felt so in my life, and I knowed I could
pray now. But I didn’t do it straight off, but laid the paper down and set there thinking—thinking how
good it was all this happened so, and how near I come to being lost and going to hell. And went on
thinking. And got to thinking over our trip down the river; and I see Jim before me all the time: in the
day and in the night-time, sometimes moonlight, sometimes storms, and we a-floating along, talking
and singing and laughing. But somehow I couldn’t seem to strike no places to harden me against him,
but only the other kind. I’d see him standing my watch on top of his’n, ‘stead of calling me, so I could
go on sleeping; and see him how glad he was when I come back out of the fog; and when I come to
him again in the swamp, up there where the feud was; and such-like times; and would always call me
honey, and pet me and do everything he could think of for me, and how good he always was; and at
last I struck the time I saved him by telling the men we had small-pox aboard, and he was so grateful,
and said I was the best friend old Jim ever had in the world, and the only one he’s got now; and then I
happened to look around and see that paper.

It was a close place. I took it up, and held it in my hand. I was a-trembling, because I’d got to decide,
forever, betwixt two things, and I knowed it. I studied a minute, sort of holding my breath, and then
says to myself:

“All right, then, I’ll go to hell”—and tore it up.

Structure and Supporting Ideas
Personal papers are read sequentially from beginning to end, and frequently narrate
events or circumstances in chronological order, as they would occur logically in time.
Personal papers do not usually contain headings to divide one section of the paper from
another (if you were writing a novel or short story, however, it would be appropriate to
divide up your thoughts according to organized chapters or sections). Your intent should
be to capture the reader’s attention at the very beginning of the paper and to carry the
reader along with you, in a clear and organized way, through the end of the paper. All
good personal papers share some common features. They have a suitable topic articulated
over the course of several paragraphs, and they anticipate a reader’s desire for context,
information, and development. Consider what would be interesting to you as a reader
and what kinds of details and information you look for when you read a piece of personal
writing. What allows you as a reader to stay engaged with personal writing?

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CHAPTER 6Section

6.3 Narrative Writing Pattern

6.3 Narrative Writing Pattern

N
arration is storytelling from the perspective of a narrator, and the story may be
true, false, imaginary, or a combination. A narration can be about past, present, or
future events, and it can be short or the length of a novel—it is important to note

that more complex narrative forms of writing frequently combine a variety of time frames.
For the purposes of your own writing, which will usually consist of a short assignment
of approximately two to five pages, it is ideal to narrate from the perspective of one time
frame. The event, or plot, of the narration may come from your own personal experience,
or it may be a hypothetical situation or an event that you imagine. If the assignment states
that you can make up a hypothetical or imaginary situation, then that is assumed and is
fair to do so in your writing. However, if the assignment calls for a narrative based on
something that actually occurred, be sure to select an actual event and stick to the facts of
that event in writing your paper.

The Purpose of Narrative
The purpose of a narrative may be simply to entertain or engage the reader, or the story
might have a more specific purpose such as to share a personally significant event or to
teach a lesson, or moral. When we tell a story using a narration strategy, we attempt to
bring the subject and the events to life for readers so that they can share in the experience
and the emotions of the experience. To accomplish this goal, we must make sure to incor-
porate certain important elements in the narrative. Most of us remember being told sto-
ries as children, and we love a good story that holds our interest. We have also probably
known someone who is a poor storyteller, who rambles on or gives too much detail, who
goes off track, or who ruins the ending. For our narration to have impact, we must tell a
story that grabs and holds the audience’s attention, provides important and appropriate
details, and discusses events in a clear and well-organized sequence.

Consider the Audience
When you write narrative papers, remember to think about the writing situation and con-
sider the purpose and the audience for your paper. You might be interested in the topic, but
is it appropriate for the assignment you have been given and for an academic audience?
Also consider aspects of the rhetorical context such as the backgrounds and the attitudes of
the audience. Anticipate how the audience is likely to react to your narrative. Will they like
or dislike what you write? How do you want them to feel when they have read the story?
Answers to these questions can help you determine what to write and how to write it.

Develop the Thesis
Review Chapter 5 for information on how to construct an effective thesis. Recall that a the-
sis statement is a claim that the writer must argue and prove over the course of an essay.
All good narrations make a point and have a clear purpose. Do not leave readers wonder-
ing, “So what?” after they have read your paper. Make sure that they understand the sig-
nificance of your story and the primary idea you want to share with them. In other words,
why is the story important? If the assignment is asking you to articulate your personal
position, then you should write a thesis that will suggest why your position is important.

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CHAPTER 6Section 6.3 Narrative Writing Pattern

In this case, you would also write topic sentences that link up with the thesis statement
and claims that interpret evidence. However, if you are writing fiction or a short narrative,
it usually will not contain a direct thesis statement, and will likely convey significance in
the story through the articulation of a key theme or concept that the story builds toward
and resolves to some extent. If your story has a message such as a lesson or a moral, also
make sure that the message is clear to the reader either through an explicit argument (in
the form of a thesis and well-argued paragraphs) or an implicit argument (through the
careful structuring of a theme or issue).

Develop the Plot
As you learned earlier, plot is the order, or sequence, of events that unfold in your story. It
is crucial that you organize these events so that, by the end of the story, they make sense
to the reader and build up to a crucial moment in the narrative. Your story should have
some creative tension, and decisions about how to organize events often depend on how
you want to incorporate that creative tension into the story.

Creative tension is the stress and interest created when a story has an unresolved prob-
lem or disagreement, a decision that must be made, or a dilemma or conflict that must be
resolved. Without creative tension, a story is boring. Stories that incorporate creative ten-
sion capture and hold our interest. You build tension when your story includes surprising
events, when an action leads to an unexpected consequence, or when factors complicate
an issue and must be sorted out before they can be resolved. Include creative tension such
as this in your narrative and carefully consider when to reveal key information and when
to hold it back. Also make certain to resolve that creative tension by the end of your story.
It is a careful balancing act: too much creative tension could result in undercommunica-
tion with the audience, but revealing everything will likely make the story a bit dull.

Anticipate and Answer Possible Reader Questions
When telling a story, do not leave your readers hanging by failing to answer important
questions they may have while they read. As you create your narrative, anticipate what
readers will need to know and include this information in the story. Remember what your
needs are as a reader of a narrative and try to take that into consideration as you write. For
instance, it is likely that you appreciate the appropriate context, background, and enough
content to understand what is happening in the narrative, so you should assume your
readers will as well.

Use Language and Dialogue Effectively
Effective personal writing includes using specific, concrete language that allows the audi-
ence to imagine with their senses. A writer’s use of dialogue can enrich a personal narra-
tive or creative story.

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CHAPTER 6Section 6.3 Narrative Writing Pattern

Concrete Language
Words can be categorized as either abstract or concrete. Abstract words such as freedom,
peace, love, and success have no physical substance; we cannot see, hear, touch, smell, or
taste them. Concrete words, on the other hand, represent people, places, and things we
can see, hear, touch, smell, or taste. Concrete words such as book, child, apple, and ice are
specific and tangible, and they represent physical objects rather than ideas, qualities,
or concepts. They conjure up pictures in our minds of our own experiences with these
objects. Good narration often utilizes the writing pattern of description, discussed later
in this chapter, to ensure that readers have a clear mental picture of the story’s setting or
scene and its characters. Try to paint pictures by using concrete words that describe physi-
cal objects and people and help readers visualize or imagine what you want them to see.

Effective Dialogue
In narration, dialogue is a verbal exchange between two or more characters in a text. You
can make characters come to life and give them personalities by incorporating dialogue in
your narration and letting them tell the story in their own words. Writing dialogue effec-
tively takes practice. It is useful to look at examples of dialogue in texts to see how it oper-
ates. Notice the dialogue in James McBride’s autobiographical narrative “Shul/School”:

One afternoon I came home from school and cornered Mommy while she
was cooking dinner. “Ma, what’s a tragic mulatto?” I asked.

Anger flashed across her face like lightning and her nose, which tends to
redden and swell in anger, blew up like a balloon. ‘Where’d you hear that?’
she asked.

“I read it in a book.”

“For God’s sake, you’re no tragic mul—What book is this?”

“Just a book I read.”

“Don’t read that book anymore.” She sucked her teeth. “Tragic mulatto.
What a stupid thing to call somebody! Somebody called you that?”

“No.”

“Don’t ever use that term.”

“Am I black or white?”

“You’re a human being,” she snapped. “Educate yourself or you’ll be a
nobody!” (McBride, 1996/2008, p. 482)

In this excerpt from “Schul/School,” dialogue serves to directly confront the issue of race
as it is experienced by McBride. This dialogue conveys to the reader what the experience
may have felt like from the viewpoint of McBride as a child, not McBride the adult who
is reflecting back on the experience. If McBride had written this from the perspective of

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CHAPTER 6Section 6.3 Narrative Writing Pattern

an adult narrating this experience in paragraph form, it simply would not be as powerful.
Here, the dialogue form allows us as readers to feel as if we are part of the moment, won-
dering how someone could be called a “mulatto,” and how that differs from McBride’s
own sense of himself.

Maintain Clear Narrative Order
Writers use a number of different strategies to organize information and, often, the choice
of how to organize is based on your judgment of what would be most effective. Below
are some organizational strategies to consider as you plan your paper and present the
material. You are not required to use one of these arrangements; just be sure that your
paper flows well and is organized logically. As described in Chapter 5, two of the possible
ways of organizing a narrative are chronological order and spatial order. Events arranged in
a chronological order are organized by time, and may start with the earliest event and go
forward in time to the present or start from the present and go backward in time. Infor-
mation arranged according to spatial order is organized by direction—for example, left
to right, north to south, or up to down. A third organizational structure that has great
significance for narrative is dramatic order or structure.

The dramatic structure is common in many short stories, novels, screenplays, and other
types of creative writing. It can also be used effectively in your personal papers. The dra-
matic structure has five elements, which are described below:

1. the opening paragraphs, which establish the setting and characters and intro-
duce the situation that contains the creative tension;

2. the rising action, which takes up the majority of the story and includes the
interaction and/or dialogue between the characters, the building of tension,
and the introduction of other elements of the story;

3. the climax or turning point, the moment in which the conflict comes into sharp
focus and is resolved;

4. the falling action, or aftermath, where the rest of the story falls into place; and
5. the concluding paragraphs or sections, where some of the loose ends are wrapped

up and the story is brought to a close. Note that you do not need to resolve
everything, and in fact trying to do so might sound reductive. You should,
however, provide some resolution to the main concern of the narrative.

See Writing Sample: Soccer Personal Essay for an example of the personal soccer paper we
began in Chapters 4 and 5. Notice how each paragraph focuses on one main idea that sup-
ports the thesis, while the author also maintains a clear narrative order using the chrono-
logical arrangement to lead the reader from her early experiences playing soccer to how
soccer has made her the person she is today.

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CHAPTER 6Section 6.3 Narrative Writing Pattern

Writing Sample: Soccer Personal Essay

What is the most fulfilling part about playing competitive soccer? Perhaps you guessed winning tro-
phies, adrenaline highs, or staying in great shape. But in my experience, bonding with teammates and
learning how to be a true team player tops the list. Thinking back on my many years as a soccer player, I
have realized how important the game of soccer has been in developing my greatest friendships, along
with a positive attitude towards teamwork that has in turn influenced other aspects of my life. Playing
soccer has caused me to grow as a person, influencing my values and the outlook on life I have today.

For one thing, soccer has helped me to make friendships that have lasted throughout the stages of
my life. I remember loving soccer from day one, even if I barely understood the concept of the game.
When I was just 6 years old, my mother signed me up for a local AYSO team (American Youth Soccer
Organization) that played around the corner from our church. I had always been a spunky and ener-
getic little girl, preferring to climb trees rather than play with Barbie dolls, but soccer brought out
something new in me. Suddenly, I had to learn the rules of the game, and to learn how to work with
a bunch of other girls that I just met. In that first year or two, it was all about being together with my
teammates, kicking around the small black-and-white ball, wondering what we would eat for snack
time, and pulling up grass with our fingers. Luckily, a couple of those girls grew into two of my best
friends. Now that we are starting our own families, we can think back on those days and get excited
about signing up our own children for soccer one day.

Continuing to play soccer throughout my life has also taught me a great deal about what it means to
work hard and work as a team. Unlike some of the girls from AYSO, I kept playing soccer in middle
school and high school and beyond, and it was during these years that soccer began to challenge me
and shape me. Many people don’t realize the incredible commitment that is required when you play
a competitive team sport. First, there’s the fact that you practice almost every day, which is physically
draining. When I would return home from a long day of school and soccer practice, that’s when my
homework and chores would only just begin. But in order to be at your peak condition and help your
team when they need you on the field, you have to find the time and energy to handle it all. Spending
so much time with the girls on my team taught us how to function as a unit. We knew we could count
on each other, whether it was to show up for practice on time, help defend our goal during a game,
or grab an ice pack for a teammate’s injury. Being a team player isn’t something that I left behind on
the high school soccer field. When our son Toby was born 3 years ago, my husband Jayden and I had
to support one another more than ever before, juggling our family, jobs, and finances. Like soccer,
becoming a parent has been the ultimate challenge and yet so rewarding at the same time.

Soccer has also allowed me to have a familiar path toward fitness and wellness that I can take any
time that I begin to feel out of shape or unhealthy. Now that I’m in my thirties and am raising my first
child, it hasn’t always been easy to find time to exercise, or to make my health a priority. But while
I’m shorter on time than ever these days, soccer taught me to value my dedication to physical activity
and health. So a year after Toby was born, I joined a local adult team, partly to try to lose some of the
baby weight and get back into shape. Now, my old jeans are finally starting to fit again, and I made
friends with another new mom whose son is the same age as mine. When I could easily have been
overwhelmed by new responsibilities and put my health on the back burner, my soccer background
helped me stay disciplined and focused.

(continued)

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CHAPTER 6Section

6.4 Descriptive Writing Pattern

6.4 Descriptive Writing Pattern

D
escription is a pattern of
writing that can be defined
as painting pictures with

words. When we describe a person,
place, object, or event, we provide
details about its physical characteris-
tics. As we discussed earlier, descrip-
tion and narration are often used
together because description helps
make the story we are narrating
clearer and more vivid.

The Purpose of Description
Effective description requires using
carefully chosen language that creates
the visual image you want readers to
have of your story’s subject. However,
you can use description in other types
of writing besides narration. For example, in a persuasive paper (which will be discussed in
Chapter 7), you might use description to help readers understand the seriousness of a prob-
lem before you attempt to convince them to take action to solve that problem.

Use Specific Language
To be descriptive, use specific terms and avoid vague and general words. Break the poor
writing habit of using vague, informal “catch all” words such as things, stuff, and lots of.
Instead of writing “I have lots of music stuff and other things in my room,” be specific and
name each object or write a general statement and then expand it by specifically naming
the various objects. For instance, you might write, “I have several musical instruments
in my room including a guitar, a saxophone, and a set of drums, along with my radio
and portable media player.” In all forms of writing, avoid using passive voice, forms of

Pixtal/SuperStock
Descriptive writing avoids general words in favor of the
specific. It is far more effective to describe your individual
instruments than to refer generally to your musical
equipment.

Writing Sample: Soccer Personal Essay (continued)

Overall, I would not be the person I am today without the years I spent playing competitive soc-
cer. Not only did I learn to love the game itself, but I also learned how to make friends, be part of
team, balance my time, and stay positive and healthy in multiple aspects of my life. While I’m sure I
could have learned these lessons without playing soccer, I would not have learned them to the same
degree. Those many days of sweat, late nights, singing on the bus, and games won and lost have
stayed with me over the years. I still love soccer to this day, and cannot wait for the time to come
when I can buy Toby his first jersey and pair of cleats.

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CHAPTER 6Section 6.4 Descriptive Writing Pattern

the verb “be.” For instance, if someone says, “Snacks are being eaten,” the word “being”
is a form of the word “be” and is passive. Passive voice often adds unnecessary words
and creates ambiguity at the sentence level: Instead, use a descriptive verb to indicate
precisely what you mean. To take out passive voice, you could say, “Jennifer is eating
snacks,” which directly identifies the subject of the sentence as actively doing something.

Select Specific Details
Good description includes important details that help paint the picture for the reader by
“filling in the blanks” in the visual image. Details help you focus the reader’s attention on
characteristics that make people, places, objects, and events unique and help them “come
alive” for readers. Look beyond the obvious for specific characteristics of what you are
describing to help readers “see” it too.

Let us imagine, for example, that you are asked to describe your office workspace. You
would probably begin with a description of the size and shape of your desk and the objects
around the desk. But then you should look beyond the obvious and try to find specific
characteristics of your workspace that make it unique from that of other workspaces. Try
to elaborate on the basic description with carefully selected details that give readers a
sense of the person who occupies that space.

For example, you might write, “The basic black-and-white décor of the cubicle is shat-
tered by bold splashes of fire engine red, forest green, and pale yellow. Bright red coffee
cups are strategically placed within easy reach of the computer and hold pens, paper clips,
rubber bands, and other assorted necessities. The mugs contrast sharply with the four
dark green sets of file folders neatly arranged, alphabetically by topic, in stacking black
metal file holders. However, dozens of tiny yellow Post-it™ notes disrupt the sense of
organization as they litter the computer screen and desk with reminders about everything
from meetings and project deadlines to groceries and family birthdays.” It is precisely
these specific details and uses of descriptive language that make these words more than
just words—they become an imagistic scene the reader can visualize.

Use Descriptive Language
When you use description in personal writing, you seek to involve readers in the story
by helping them see, hear, touch, smell, or taste what you are telling them. You do this
by using language that elicits emotional responses from your readers. Words can have
different connotations, or emotional impact. In most of your college writing, you want
to choose words that discuss or explain issues without stirring emotions. However, in
personal writing, the opposite is true; you want to deliberately choose words that paint a
picture, evoke sensory experience, or that stir the reader’s emotions.

For example, if you want to paint a negative picture of an alley in a rundown part of town,
rather than simply stating that it “smells bad because it is littered with junk and rotting
garbage,” you might take readers on a journey with you down this alley by describing it
this way: “As I tripped over bent and rusted tin cans, jagged pieces of broken glass, and
large plastic bags of unknown contents, the putrid smell of rotting food filled my nose.
Suddenly, I found myself swatting huge, black horseflies that swarmed around me.” Can
you visualize that alley better now?

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CHAPTER 6Section 6.4 Descriptive Writing Pattern

Descriptive language refers to words that are vivid, expressive, and highly specific to
the topic you are writing on. Instead of stating that you smelled a strong odor, you might
specifically describe it by saying that it was pungent, bitter, sweet, or spicy. Paint a clear
picture of sensations and emotions for the reader as well. For instance, rather than writ-
ing that you were angry, you might use the words livid, enraged, or fuming with anger to
discuss your feelings—or better yet, you could explain a facial expression that conveys
anger rather than simply saying you were “enraged.” Table 6.2 provides you with some
descriptive alternatives to common verbs, adjectives, and adverbs. Use the alternative
words in this list to help make your writing more vivid. Descriptive language tends to
express an evaluation of something. Because it expresses an evaluation or perspective,
there is no such thing as completely objective description. However, the best description
would be one that is carefully informed and that does not exaggerate (“He is absolutely
always happy”) or understate (“Though he is an Honors student, he is really only average
in his performance”). Description should aim for accuracy and fairness and avoid exag-
geration for the purpose of effect.

Table 6.2: Alternatives to common verbs, adjectives, and adverbs

Instead of see, write
spy
spot

observe
notice

perceive
witness
glance
detect
discern
glimpse

recognize

Instead of say or tell, write
cry
yell

shout
exclaim
whisper
scream
bellow

bark
holler
roar

shriek

Instead of ask, write
beg

query
plead

appeal
inquire
request

question
demand
implore

Instead of eat, write
munch

swallow
consume
devour
gobble
gorge
wolf

chomp
chew
gnaw
nibble

Instead of run or go, write
fly
job
flee
race
dart
dash
rush

bound
scurry

scamper
sprint
hurry

Instead of like, write
adore

admire
respect
worship

appreciate
value

treasure
cherish
regard
idolize

treasure
relish

(continued)

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CHAPTER 6Section 6.4 Descriptive Writing Pattern

Instead of look, write
gaze
stare

glance
glare

glimpse
peep
peek
gape
gawk

scrutinize
survey
study

Instead of take, write
grasp

capture
seize
catch

pocket
grab
pilfer

snatch
lift

pinch
steal
nab

Instead of think, write
believe
reflect

imagine
consider

contemplate
ponder

deliberate
meditate
mull over
ruminate

muse
wonder

Instead of angry, write
livid

enraged
fuming
irritated

irate
heated

annoyed
furious

incensed
outraged
infuriated

Instead of pretty, write
cute

adorable
attractive
beautiful
alluring

glamorous
handsome

lovely
charming
endearing
appealing
gorgeous

Instead of happy, write
giddy
elated

pleased
glad

joyful
cheerful
blissful
ecstatic

delighted
jovial

amused
excited

Instead of good or great, write
huge

immense
enormous

grand
outstanding

commendable
magnificent
impressive
remarkable

notable
imposing
inspiring
splendid

Instead of bad, write
evil

awful
terrible
dreadful
appalling
shocking
ghastly

horrific or horrible
deceitful

dire
wicked
poor

inferior

Instead of sad, write
glum

depressed
gloomy

miserable
heartbreaking

distressing
sorrowful
poignant
moving

disheartening
discouraging

gloomy
disappointing

Table 6.2: Alternatives to common verbs, adjectives, and adverbs (continued)

(continued)

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CHAPTER 6Chapter Summary

Instead of smart, write
wise

gifted
clever

intelligent
bright
brainy
sharp
quick

informed
astute

perceptive
incisive

insightful

Instead of nice, write
pleasant

kind
polite

agreeable
pleasing

lovely
amiable
friendly
likable
affable

gracious
sociable
cordial

Instead of big, write
huge
large

enormous
gigantic

giant
immense

vast
sizeable
massive
colossal

tremendous
towering
soaring

Compare the Unfamiliar to the Familiar
One useful way to help readers visualize what you are describing is to compare it to some-
thing they might already know. For example, suppose you are describing a flower. You
could comment on the color and the size of the flower by saying that it is pink and tiny.
However, the color pink has many different shades, and the word tiny has a wide range of
interpretations. So, instead you might state, “The color of the flower was the same hue as
that of the pink candy Valentine’s Day hearts.”

When you report your observations of something; share personal experiences; or describe
a person, place, object, or event, remember to use the elements of effective description
to make your ideas clear and vivid to your readers. Read the combination narration and
description essay by professional writer Anna Quindlen (2007) found at http://www
.newsweek.com/id/32467/page/1. This essay illustrates many of the characteristics of
effective narration and description we have discussed in this chapter. See if you can iden-
tify the strategies she uses to paint a picture of her beloved dog. On a separate sheet of
paper, generate a list of strategies you see operating in the essay.

Chapter Summary
At times your discussion-post assignments may be personal writing assignments, and
other writing assignments will be combination papers that have one or more sections that
must be written using personal writing patterns, so it is necessary to know how this form
of writing differs from expository, persuasive, and argument papers.

Personal papers ask you to express your own thoughts, ideas, and opinions about a sub-
ject. They can be written to tell a story about yourself or others; to describe a person, place,
object, or event; or to express personal opinions on an issue. They may be called essays,
opinion papers, reflective papers, or creative writing assignments. Personal papers, or the
personal sections of a combination paper, have three important characteristics:

Table 6.2: Alternatives to common verbs, adjectives, and adverbs (continued)

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http://www.newsweek.com/id/32467/page/1

http://www.newsweek.com/id/32467/page/1

CHAPTER 6Key Terms

1. They are generally written from a first-person point of view, unless you are
narrating a story about another person.

2. They are logically organized and do not have headings that interrupt the flow
of the writing.

3. They are written in a conversational tone that is appropriate for an academic
audience and may contain dialogue.

Personal writing often uses specific writing patterns. Each of these patterns—including
narration, description, and responses to reading—has its own specific elements, which
you must incorporate if your personal writing is to be effective. While narrative essays
should communicate a clear purpose such as in the case of articulating a position, creative
writing pieces may not contain either a direct or an implied thesis. Descriptive writing
is the use of vivid, imagistic language that incorporates the senses, so in order to write
descriptively, one should use language that pertains to all of the senses. This also allows
readers to visualize the scene the writer creates. Because personal writing uses your imag-
ination or asks you to reflect on your own experiences and viewpoints, it can be a useful
tool to help stimulate your creativity and to give you valuable experience in expressing
your ideas in written form.

Key Terms
abstract words Words that have no physi-
cal substance; we cannot see, hear, touch,
smell, or taste them.

concrete words Words that represent
people, places, and things we can see, hear,
touch, smell, or taste; they are specific and
tangible, and represent physical objects
rather than ideas, qualities, or concepts.

combination paper An assignment that
includes elements of personal, expository,
persuasive or argument, and research
papers. For instance, one section of the
paper might be personal, while another is
persuasive.

creative tension The stress and interest
created when a story has an unresolved
problem or disagreement, a decision that
must be made, or a dilemma or conflict
that must be resolved.

creative writing Written or artistic works
whose purpose is to create images or to
express thoughts or feelings. These works
may also imply a position or argument.

description A pattern of writing that
involves providing details about the physi-
cal characteristics of a person, place, object,
or event.

descriptive language Words that are
vivid, expressive, and highly specific to the
topic you are writing on.

dialogue A verbal exchange between two
or more characters in a text.

narration Storytelling from the perspec-
tive of a narrator. The story may be true,
false, imaginary, or a combination.

nonfiction A genre of writing that
includes biographies, memoirs, and his-
torical documents.

opinion A personal viewpoint on a subject
that may or may not be supported with
facts or evidence.

opinion paper A type of essay that
explains the writer’s point of view or opin-
ion on a specific topic.

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CHAPTER 6Key Terms

plot The order, or sequence, of events that
unfold in a story.

reflective paper An assignment that asks
the writer think about something he or she
has read and to respond to it or discuss its
meaning for him or her.

response paper An assignment that
requires the writer to think about the
different points of view expressed in the
material being discussed and to take a
personal stand on the issue.

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