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you’ve clearly done a lot of good research here on a very relevant topic. I think your paper has a lot of potential, but needs some more work in order to be more effective. One of the main issues I see is that your paper reads more like an informative research paper than a literature review; in a true literature review, nearly every sentence in your paper will be summarizing or paraphrasing a source (“According to Baker (2017)…”) . The goal is to review the literature on your topic. Many sentences in your paper contain general information rather than specific source material. You also have to decide what the THREE SUBTOPICS or categories will be; I see more than three subtopics here. Right now there are too many subtopics in your paper. So I would go back to work thinking about which topics will work best, based on what topics your sources are covering. You then need to create a THESIS STATEMENT that clearly identifies all three subtopics. Your current thesis mentions the “effects of obesity,” which is too general. What effects? Which ones? Three subtopics are needed. Good luck on your revision! (You can also submit a draft to the Writing Center for free online feedback.)

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